Quote Originally Posted by aka-kitsune View Post
This just sounds like MEN with jealous SOs moreso than any particular personality type issue.

He probably didn't really want to cut off communication with you, so he's ambivalent about how to react when he does see you. ie: if he's too warm, he might begin to feel like he wants to initiate contact again (and encourage you), if he's too cold, he worries you'll feel hurt. So he just acts out his ambivalence with the warm-cool thing.

I think us IEIs tend to take responsibility for other people's reactions to us, when really it's not our problem (at least when we're being sincere). I've absolutely been in similar straits to what you're describing and it really sucks.

All you're responsible for is your own consistency of feeling. You still care for him, so why pretend you don't? Although it's difficult to not feel hurt with the push-pull dynamic, you're not really obliged to make it easier for him. However, would it be easier for YOU to just be superficially congenial and cut off any extended conversation? Does having these occasional brief connections just making you want more? Honestly, I'm just throwing out questions... I tend to want to keep the connection with someone I like regardless of whether it's "good" for me by any standard. But, in your case, he's set up the condition and you are honoring it because you're being sensitive to his situation.

It seems to me that in cases like this, what's required is an adjustment on my part.
Yes. I'm not pretending I don't care, I just feel like the best thing to do is to maintain a consistency of friendliness with more of a go-with-the-flow "whatever" sort of undertone. I can tell he's kind of struggling with it. The brief connections, yes, they leave me wanting more. but I've made my peace with the fact that I'm not getting more, so that part is okay. It's just the times that he's completely ignoring me, I find rude. I actually don't think he likes the situation any more than I do. But it is what it is. As to whether it's good for me or not....that's a good question. I'm beginning to think it's not. But it's still important for us to be on good terms at least superficially since we are thrown together in the same room with a group of people a couple times a week.