type the author of this blog entry

[aestrivex]

this is an interesting little philosophical quandary by this author, which i posted on the workshop but which nobody seems especially interested in.


IF YOU KNOW THE AUTHOR, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY.

I never have anything to write about myself and I never really have in my life. It makes me feel really stupid to even try. What times I've had to, I made up stuff because I didn't know what else to do. There are faint times it occurs to me to wonder who I am or what I'm doing, why am I here and how I got there. But whatever sporadic sparks of self-awareness I have crackle into oblivion before they can cohere into anything I'd care to express. I guess I'll start babbling.

I have no life story or sense of personal history, and I don't want one. Not that I don't remember events - I do with crystal clarity, but I'm simply not connected to them. I never have coherent plans for the future, only reckless gambles. I can't recall any major decision I've made in the last 20 years that I actually reasoned out, instead I make them on whims which only make sense to me as they occur. In the blink of an eye I've ended significant relationships and shifted job plans without any real prior thought. Sometimes I don't even make the decision persay, but quite simply wake up one day with a whole new outlook and mentality to everything. I can attach to nothing it seems, despite trying to force myself to at times - or at least I pretend to myself that I am attached... until I am sufficiently bored, naturally. In a way I envy those who can, since attachments seem to make their life more real. But I always know the truth, that none of it is real (at least for me), and so I never can take it seriously. I feel like my mind has long since become a graveyard of these playthings.

"Out of sight, out of mind" applies to me well. Within the awareness of the moment, my experiences are vivid and often enthralling as they are happening, only to be discarded without trace once they are past. And I need something again. I've probably seen a good deal between the spectrums of transcendental beauty and unspeakable nightmare; yet nothing lasts, nothing impacts, nobody influences. Not love, friendship, family, tragedy, triumph, guilt, desire, fulfillment, or regret. All fades into shadow, everyone and everything is invariably forgotten.

When I tell people irl some of these things, it's very perplexing and upsetting to them. On many occasions, people even start crying and it baffles me. I find it ridiculous because I figure that most people too are actually like what I described here, and that they just don't know it.

REDUNDANT: IF YOU KNOW THE AUTHOR, PLEASE DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY.

[crazedrat]

iee

[implied]

my actual first guess was maybe ENTp. EP/irrational/thought maybe Ne valuing based on the basic gambles and lack of planning or want for it. idk. lack of introspection or sort of knowing who one is, or having a sense of self, seems weak Fi, so i'll guess logical type, not willing to bet my life on any of this. befuddled at the reactions of others (weak/devalued Fi again,) so more of the same i think.

[unefille]

E7. As for socionics, what I get from this, overwhelmingly, is very weak (inability to form meaningful attachments, lack of inclination to introspect personal feelings/motivations, inability to understand other people's emotional reactions) and Ne/Si quadra (lack of attachment to the past or investment in the future, present-oriented). He also seems to value - when he mentions things he experiences and is enthralled by in the present, they all concern overt and performative emotional 'displays'. At the moment, I would be inclined to say ILE.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[Ritella]

SLI

[Lotus]

me too .

what is E7?

The author's Enneagram type.


I think the author is INFj. It's very, very clear in the writing.

[Bardia]

My guess would be ENTp for the reasons stated above.

[crazedrat]

The author's Enneagram type.


I think the author is INFj. It's very, very clear in the writing.

that was my second guess

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[crazedrat]

yeah i changed my mind from iee to eii.

[Creepy-Pied Piper]

Removed at User Request

[strrrng]

edited due to temporary insanity

[crazedrat]

huh ... it couldn't be LSE could it

[Elro]

This thread is all over the place.

[aka-kitsune]

this is an interesting little philosophical quandary by this author, which i posted on the workshop but which nobody seems especially interested in....

Interesting analytically, and yes, rather disturbing to me personally.

My first inclination would be to say that this kind of "experience" strikes me as extremely dissociated psychologically. Depersonalization. Along the lines of R. Laing's Divided Self and further studies of the genesis of schizoid/schizophrenia.

[strrrng]

Interesting analytically, and yes, rather disturbing to me personally.

My first inclination would be to say that this kind of "experience" strikes me as extremely dissociated psychologically. Depersonalization. Along the lines of R. Laing's Divided Self and further studies of the genesis of schizoid/schizophrenia.

[Wynch]

Interesting analytically, and yes, rather disturbing to me personally.

My first inclination would be to say that this kind of "experience" strikes me as extremely dissociated psychologically. Depersonalization. Along the lines of R. Laing's Divided Self and further studies of the genesis of schizoid/schizophrenia.

I feel...really good about myself now, lol. Good thing I have all these reading on the medicalized and disciplined body to bolster my spirits!

EDIT: Crap, I meant to respond to Nick and got distracted by psychological dissociation. Your process certainly seems fair to me. I re-read the entry with that in mind and I can see where you're coming from. Particularly, the one sentiment that I would have to say I didn't relate to was the one about living in a present intensity then letting it pass. I think I'm going to mull over it some more and see if anything more obvious comes to mind.

[strrrng]

I never have anything to write about myself and I never really have in my life. It makes me feel really stupid to even try. What times I've had to, I made up stuff because I didn't know what else to do. There are faint times it occurs to me to wonder who I am or what I'm doing, why am I here and how I got there. But whatever sporadic sparks of self-awareness I have crackle into oblivion before they can cohere into anything I'd care to express. I guess I'll start babbling.

Unhealthy 7 behavior. Running from the past and ignoring inner world/feelings

I have no life story or sense of personal history, and I don't want one. Not that I don't remember events - I do with crystal clarity, but I'm simply not connected to them.

Partly 7-related - ignoring the past - but also partly generally unhealthy behavior. Typically being disconnected from past events (especially to this degree) is caused by some traumatic event(s) in early childhood. The fact that the author doesn't want a sense of personal history could suggest that they are suppressing painful memories.

I never have coherent plans for the future, only reckless gambles. I can't recall any major decision I've made in the last 20 years that I actually reasoned out, instead I make them on whims which only make sense to me as they occur. In the blink of an eye I've ended significant relationships and shifted job plans without any real prior thought. Sometimes I don't even make the decision persay, but quite simply wake up one day with a whole new outlook and mentality to everything.

While this superficially resembles unhealthy sx 7 behavior, I believe it is more deep-rooted. The author most likely feels out of control of their inner self and life, and thus they take the only attitude that gives them a sense of control: impetuosity. In a sense, they feel inept at dealing with things in an ordered fashion, and probably believe that deep down there is no order to anything (most likely due to lack of discipline in childhood and whatnot) and thus counter-act this by being completely impulsive - a counter-intuitive attempt to compensate for the issue.

I can attach to nothing it seems, despite trying to force myself to at times - or at least I pretend to myself that I am attached... until I am sufficiently bored, naturally. In a way I envy those who can, since attachments seem to make their life more real. But I always know the truth, that none of it is real (at least for me), and so I never can take it seriously. I feel like my mind has long since become a graveyard of these playthings.

This agrees perfectly with my above analyses. There has to have been some childhood events that caused such an attitude. 7's may be detached from normal experiences in a casual sense, but the author is quite literally detached from his or herself. It is as if they are living with a void inside, and feel incapable of fixing it.

"Out of sight, out of mind" applies to me well. Within the awareness of the moment, my experiences are vivid and often enthralling as they are happening, only to be discarded without trace once they are past. And I need something again. I've probably seen a good deal between the spectrums of transcendental beauty and unspeakable nightmare; yet nothing lasts, nothing impacts, nobody influences. Not love, friendship, family, tragedy, triumph, guilt, desire, fulfillment, or regret. All fades into shadow, everyone and everything is invariably forgotten.

There is nothing new to add.

When I tell people irl some of these things, it's very perplexing and upsetting to them. On many occasions, people even start crying and it baffles me. I find it ridiculous because I figure that most people too are actually like what I described here, and that they just don't know it.

Projection.

[aka-kitsune]

EDIT: Crap, I meant to respond to Nick and got distracted by psychological dissociation. Your process certainly seems fair to me. I re-read the entry with that in mind and I can see where you're coming from. Particularly, the one sentiment that I would have to say I didn't relate to was the one about living in a present intensity then letting it pass. I think I'm going to mull over it some more and see if anything more obvious comes to mind.

Flat affect. That's what particularly disturbed me. The author doesn't seem in the least upset about the experience described, as though he was describing himself in the third person (this was mentioned by some others on this thread). That kind of dissociative relation is strongly correlated with schizoid and schizophrenic states.

Granted, I'm not diagnosing... just noting the striking similarity.