Anti-soulmate

[Reuben]

Yup. That's real nice of you there.

Heh ENFp's want to give love, and kindness and happiness. And us? We take them all. Just joking. But seriously think about all the emotional flooding if we stop recieving them and expand our EF/IF into a big balloon...

[Joy]

Isn't ISTp's hidden agenda to love?

[Gilly]

Isn't ISTp's hidden agenda to love?

Yup.

You spend an awful lot of time here in Delta, Joy...

[Creepy-aurora_faerie]

The idea of a soulmate is disturbing to me. It sort of sounds like, "There is only one person that you can have a relationship with and be extremely happy!!!! So you better find them and not lose them or else you will be miserable forever!!!"

But maybe Im just interpreting it wrong...O_o

Also...the "perfect" person for you may have lived thousands of years ago, or may live thousands of years into the future, so...I don't have a point to that...ummmmm


Sorry

[Creepy-aurora_faerie]

The idea of a soulmate is disturbing to me. It sort of sounds like, "There is only one person that you can have a relationship with and be extremely happy!!!! So you better find them and not lose them or else you will be miserable forever!!!"

But maybe Im just interpreting it wrong...O_o

Also...the "perfect" person for you may have lived thousands of years ago, or may live thousands of years into the future, so...I don't have a point to that...ummmmm


Sorry

That reminds me of that one movie with Meg Ryan in it, where she meets a guy from the past, and then goes back to the past to be with him. What was the name of that?

Kate and Leopold!

[Slacker]

I don't believe in the concept of soulmates. We meet people we like or don't like, and those relationships can either be easy or difficult, and we decide the relationship is either worth the amount of work it would take or not.

Though I did know I at least could see myself marrying my husband within about 20 minutes of meeting him, and before meeting him I'd assumed I'd be single forever because my relationships always turned into such horror shows. But there are probably other guys out there I'd get along with as well, and there are probably other women he'd be happy with too.

[Joy]

*sighs*

now are we going to debate love at first sight???

[Slacker]

Sorry!

I said *could*, not *would*. It wasn't really love at first sight as much as "I don't think this guy will annoy me too badly and I could tolerate him for that long" at first sight.

[Topaz]

*sighs*

now are we going to debate love at first sight???

Aw c'mon Joy. Havent you ever met someone and said to yourself, 'yep thats my type alright' even w/o knowing everything about him? Its just a starter not a finisher.

[Joy]

*sighs*

now are we going to debate love at first sight???

Aw c'mon Joy. Havent you ever met someone and said to yourself, 'yep thats my type alright' even w/o knowing everything about him? Its just a starter not a finisher.

honestly... no. In fact, I'm never even instantly attracted to someone. I mean, I can tell if they're good looking, but I don't actually feel an attraction until I have been around them a little. Certain criteria must be met.

[Joy]

I wrote this in another thread a while back...

My selection is already limited to less than 1% of the 18 to 30 year old population

The 1% corresponding to what?

Don't get me started!

Just to name a few criteria off the top of my head...

must be at least as intelligent as me
must not be blonde
must not be jealous or clingy
must have a good attitude about my son
must not have anger management issues
must give me attention whenever I want it but not mind occasional inattentivenenss on my part
must not bore me


gah I gotta stop!

I forgot to put trustworthy on that list. O:

[Arcanum]

ummm okay..... could you mail yours to me?

Just because something is physical doesn't mean you can just send it in an envelope. You can't do that to radiation.

Is it me or has the discussion gone off topic?

For some reason I find the love at first sight thing to be very superficial. When I look at someone I always think about all the stuff inside them that I have no clue about. Even when I'm getting to know someone I always find myself preparing for anything unexpected that I might find out about them.
I know I'm strange :wink:

[Kim]

I'm much reminded of the infamous g-spot debate... :wink:

[Topaz]

There can't be love at first sight. There can be curiosity, interest, or lust at first sight, but love? no.

I agree with this. I think there are some people that you can have a gut feeling about and maybe you might be right and maybe you might be wrong. You have to take time to get to know the person. Some people look great on paper but there's just no chemistry. Other times its the unexpected almost ordinary person that catches you by surpise. So its not always about looks or status or anything. It might have alot to do with humor though. :wink:

[Gilly]

However, there can be, as I have proven time and again, love-after-constant-voyeurism-for-six-months.

[Topaz]

However, there can be, as I have proven time and again, love-after-constant-voyeurism-for-six-months.

stalker!

[Joy]

*shields POLR and runs for cover*

what have I done?!

anyways... Arcanum, I do not believe that a soul can be quantified. I believe it exists on a dimension which cannot be measured. The closest thing I could try to compare it to is energy, but it's beyond that... I dunno, nm.

[Kirana]

i do not believe in soulmates, if by soulmate you mean:

1. one person who is your destined perfect match
2. this soulmate, at any time in your life, remains the same person

ok, the romantic side of me likes the idea of soulmates. but logically, there are serious problems with this premise. i mean, what if your soulmate walks in front of a bus and gets run over? does that mean you are doomed to settle for not perfect matches? also, people change and value different things at different stages of their lives and at different levels of maturity. it's equally important that a couple heads in the same general direction of compatibility as well as starting with good compatibility. so in terms of a soulmate, as you mature and experiences change you, does this mean that your soulmate somewhere in the world magically develops in ways that just happen to maintain his/her compatibility with you so that this person will remain your soulmate by the time you meet him?

it's just not realistic.

at any stage of your life, there would probably be several people to dozens who are excellent matches, depending on how mainstream you are in terms of what you need in a relationship. and these people will likely not be the same people as life goes on. many will develop in different directions and lose their compatibility to you, and other people may grow to be excellent matches. that's why even in 'soulmate' matches the couple still has to work at the relationship - joint direction is as important as starting at the same place.

[XoX]

There can't be love at first sight. There can be curiosity, interest, or lust at first sight, but love? no.

I agree with this. I think there are some people that you can have a gut feeling about and maybe you might be right and maybe you might be wrong. You have to take time to get to know the person. Some people look great on paper but there's just no chemistry. Other times its the unexpected almost ordinary person that catches you by surpise. So its not always about looks or status or anything. It might have alot to do with humor though. :wink:

I believe in overwhelming emotions at first sight. Very rarely but sometimes I meet a person that radiates an "aura" which makes me overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings/emotions. It is not always just their looks but something in their whole external physical projection (looks, behaviour, style of eye contact, movements, way they carry their clothes, facial expressions, ...) that makes me go totally weak and overwhelmed with "love-like" emotions. It is not lust (I get that more often) but it is not love either I think. Often I quickly find these people mentally irritating, can't connect with them at all and thus can't really fall in love with them. Actually I have never been able to really fall in love with them.

Lust is purely sexual. Love is an "all-rounded" feeling. This is a third dimension I can't explain. Maybe it is a purely physical form of love that is still different from pure sexual lust. Often I don't even lust for them just want to be close and feel that "aura" touching every inch of me. First it overwhelms me with emotions but in the long run it makes me feel peaceful and calm inside. Maybe there is a smell or some hormone they put forward that does it. Or my hidden agenda tricks me somehow.

A soulmate might be someone with whom I can feel a similar "mental aura" touching me really deep inside.

"The perfect match" might be someone who touches me in all these dimensions: is a soulmate, is sexually attractive, and has this aura I described. I have never even came close to that though. Maybe there is only one person in every generation who meets all this criteria. I'm too pragmatic to let this kind of dreaming to affect my life too much though.
When I find a person who has "enough" in each category then that's fine with me. I can call that love and get married. Which is pretty much what happened hah (addition: "enough" means "very much" and my wife is a good match in each category. Definately best I've met in my life. I really love her. I had to add this just in case... :wink: ISFjs can get bitchy about details )

I'm not sure if this makes any sense. I have never really analyzed it this much and I'm not good at describing my feelings

[Joy]

I'm much reminded of the infamous g-spot debate... :wink:

yes it exists

[diamond]

Often I don't even lust for them just want to be close and feel that "aura" touching every inch of me. First it overwhelms me with emotions but in the long run it makes me feel peaceful and calm inside.
A soulmate might be someone with whom I can feel a similar "mental aura" touching me really deep inside.

You just described what I experienced days ago when a new student entered our class and settled down beside me. I recognized that energy at once. He's a dual by the way. And, I'm going to be in that class for four months. Let's just hope that we never sit beside each other again.

Let's hope you do! Sounds kinda nice :wink:

[Reuben]

Yup its nice but isn't it kind of distracting? I experienced that same aura thing, NFP, but with a teacher. And yes she's a dual. It's horribly interesting.

[Polly_G]

Actually I think it would be your supervisee... You get tricked into believing they are your soulmate..

Yeah, I guess you'd have to qualify what is your anti-spouse in the area of compatibility vs. the area of just how much pain and recovery time is involved when you split.