My Role function is
. This has definitely been a struggle for me throughout my life. It is actually a major reason I started looking into MBTI and eventually Socionics. I do often find myself desperately wanting to be more assertive, aggressive and decisive because I see how much these attributes are valued by today's society, especially in the workplace. This continues to be a battle for me, particularly at work, since I am in a leadership position and society's idea of "effective leadership" does not match my strengths. So, I continue to try to be someone I'm not, only to realize how lousy I am at it and how much energy even trying takes out of me. I have come to at least partially accept that these are things that will never come naturally for me. I often compare myself to my ESTj co-worker, who seems to be naturally good at this and find myself in awe of her, wishing I was more like that when needed, which ends up making me feel inadequate. Luckily, my strengths are valued in the type of work that I do (non-profit organization for people with developmental disabilities and mental health deficits)...which is what keeps me there. I do often think I would be happier having a position where I was able to use my strong functions that didn't involve a level of authority that would require as much use of Se. But maybe it's a good thing to force myself to develop this weaker area? I don't know...this is my dilemma.
P.S. I should note that the "attributes" I referred to are not really qualities I personally value, but rather things I perceive that society as a whole values and therefore see myself as lacking. I definitely wish there wasn't such a big focus on being this way, but I don't see that changing any time soon. I can't seem to truly be able to value these qualities in Se dominant types. I am actually rather turned off by them. They seem extremely pushy, aggressive, showy and cocky...which are some of the worst qualities someone can have IMO. But at the same time I can't help but feel a little envious at the fact that they can pull it off so easily. Please, I mean no offense to Se dominants, I am just stating *my* perception of how their strong Se appears to me in some situations, for the purpose of explaining my point.
Wow, this sure has been a long, rambling post. I hope someone can make something out of it.