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Last edited by calenwen; 01-04-2009 at 04:03 AM.
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
I'm guessing you've told him that you loved him already?
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
Originally Posted by Logos
Retired from posting and drawing Social Security. E-mail or PM to contact.
I pity your souls
He may think that saying I love you is a really big deal and that it would push the relationship forward too much or more than he's ready to go. So my advice would be (more as a female than an IEI) to either make your peace with it and get yourself truly okay with him not saying it and continue on as usual. Or tell him that you want to start seeing other people. Why should you be tied down to someone, and unhappy? I know that sounds simplistic but if you continue this road with this nagging bit of unhappiness, he's going to feel it whether you want him to or not. He'll sense it and it'll be a strain on the relationship.
IEI-Fe 4w3
yeah that's the first thing that i thought too; doesn't sound like typical infp behavior. but you guys are on the young side like Chibi says. a lot of males might not want to express strong emotions at this age....the implications are too heavy.
why not just say: soooo how are you feeling about us? where do you think we are headed?
ILE
those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often
Why do you want to hear it? Saying it would mean absolutely nothing, imo.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
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Last edited by calenwen; 01-04-2009 at 04:04 AM.
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
I agree with this. When I was in my early 20s I definitely needed to hear it. And frankly, I'm not sure I could be married to someone even now who didn't say it once in awhile (my ESE husband says it several times per day). I have a couple of friends whose spouses never say it even though they show them in many ways that they love them and one of my friends is pretty sad about that. In all other ways their marriage is good. But she needs to hear it. (she's LII and he's ILE) Anyway, my point being that if you need to hear it, you should make sure you end up with someone who can say it verbally. Sounds like he's not ready. I'm sorry.
I was friends with an SEI once who absolutely could not verbalize any of his feelings. That's just the way he was. He could show you with his actions but he could not come right out and say anything. Based on some things he told me about his marriage, he was the same way with his wife. And if something bothered him, he would totally clam up. Man there is just no way I could live with someone like that. No way. You'd be forever guessing, forever tip-toeing around, wondering. gah, a nightmare.
IEI-Fe 4w3
If he is the say way with verbal affirmations and so are you, I really don't see why he just doesn't fucking say it.
Yeah, be more aggressive with him. I mean your current methods aren't working. Maybe you need to tell him that he NEEDS to tell you that he loves you or else you might start having doubts.
"Those who make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities..."
- Voltaire
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Last edited by Suomea; 09-27-2008 at 11:33 PM.
Suomea
ok so this is a purely socionics interpretation, not really based on anything you've said about him and you, so don't feel like it's personalized feedback or anything.....:-)
you are in a lookalike relation. so that means that you both are IP temperament, your leading is Si his is Ni, your creative and polr's are the same. role functions are opposing just like leading.
ok so if he you both have Fe then theoretically you'd both be more concerned with the overall mood and expressing of emotions....does he express other emotions easily? do you bond on this?
ok then you have an opposing force of Ni vs Si. what he's good at you're not and vice versa. you both wish you could be better at what the other person is really good at. but really what you both want, the other person has to reach deeply into their unconscious block to provide. he would want some good old fashioned Se from you and you want some Ne from him. neither of you particularly enjoy providing these, although you can if you try. but basically you like to relax, so does he, how do you get things done? who provides the drive to move you both into action?
then, of course, there's only weak logic. you both want Ti from someone else but neither of you will do this for the other since you might not be all that good at it.
ok so i know this answers none of your questions about love calenwen. but if there is one thing i've learned about IEI's is that they tend to think very deeply about things and question things a lot. some of the imbedded incompatibilities may be at the root of what he is thinking about but might not know how to express.
you could think about how your functions line up....and then consider how well you are really able to meet one another's needs. or you could observe the relation from a socionics standpoint and see what makes the relationship tick. or most importantly, you could think about your needs only (most important for women esp) and assess whether he is really meeting them.
ILE
those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often
Yeah, I mean it's not the end of the world right now or anything, but what if he never says it? There is no way I could live with that forever. I just don't know if I should give it more time or, like Luis suggested, start dishing out ultimatums.
I mean, I guess eventually we would break up over it if he never said it - and the longer I wait, the harder it will be to break up, so...?
Yeah, I would tend to agree....
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
It could just be something like this: "Although I do really care about you, I'd like to be free to see other people". If he presses you for reasons, you could say you're no longer willing to be completely committed to someone who doesn't feel the same about you as you do about him. I think that might make him take a closer look at how he feels about you. Once he sees he might lose you, that situation will clarify a lot of things, in my opinion. If he really is lukewarm about you, then he may walk away. But better now than later when it will be harder. If he really does love you deep down, he'll be forced to face that fact and decide if he wants to risk the loss.
IEI-Fe 4w3
my head trip reply got lost in the repartee here....
ILE
those who are easily shocked.....should be shocked more often
When it comes to expressing other emotions, no. I usually have to bring it up and he'll respond. I often wonder if he is an INFp - in every aspect but his emotions he seems to be. I've had him take the test several times, and he tests as INFp every time. Whatever. I don't know.
I'm the motivator when it comes to getting out and doing things. After a few days I get bored of sitting around.
I know that he does question things a lot. He'll brood about things for weeks and finally he'll be ready to talk about and it's always really... unexpected.
As a whole, though, we honestly do get along quite well. It's just this one thing. I was actually in a relationship with an ENTp for a little over a year and I get along with my INFp much better than I ever got along with the ENTp.
Hm, ISTp....
He's pretty straight forward, though. Very upfront and simple about things.
God, I just have no idea what to do. How pathetic.
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
you're definitely NOT pathetic. This is hard and you obviously care about him. You know, I think a lot of males in general have a hard time expressing their feelings through words. It could be more of a gender thing than a type thing.
IEI-Fe 4w3
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir
Ok I just came to this thread and read all of it. When I am hopelessly in love I sing it out high and low and give a LOT of attention (Fe and otherwise) and also want a lot of verbal feedback (as others here also noted they need). I am not so good at reading more action oriented feedback unless there is a constant dialogue what is going on (depends on the action ofc heh ). But I simply cannot shut up about it to my loved one.
My first thought was that he is not INFp. But I'll give him the benefit of the doubt ofc as you point out chances are he is simply confused about where to take things. Still not admitting his true emotions is Very untypical of INFp's. INFp's are supposed to be emotionally in tune and honest about their emotions.
It wouldn't surprise me if he is INFj and you are in a relationship of Benefit. Just a thought.
INFp
If your sea chart does not match reality, go with reality (Old mariner saying)
This sounds EXTREMELY insecure, and VERY UNNATTRACTIVE.
Let me tell you, there is nothing less attractive then a woman thinking this way, and although these short term fixes suggested may get you peace of mind in THIS situation, dozens will resurface like it.
So instead of putting a band-aid over YOUR problem, try and reassess why you are being so needy in terms of his love. This has nothing to do with him, but more about you and your unhappiness. A couple of words from him should not dictate how you feel about him or anyone.
To say you are going to toss a year because of your own insecurity is really ridiculous. Alot of the blame youre putting is on him, as if his actions cause your doubts. ITS ALL YOU, AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE YOU.
With every relationship.
<Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not
Originally Posted by Logos
Retired from posting and drawing Social Security. E-mail or PM to contact.
I pity your souls
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir