B&D's type blog

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

7/9:

I don't have much to say other than I seem to be at a spot where I can socialize well in real life, even though I still feel emo and tortured on the inside. I am learning to keep it to myself and try to make other people happy because I know people don't need more bad news in life. Then again *my* therapist always said I put a neat bow on things too much, I make everything so pat... like you can't possibly argue with me. I want to connect but I also close the waterways of dialogue. As I am afraid of real change, of my power and theirs.

Like most dorks that read too much in high school, I wanted nothing more than this epic powerful old man to come and teach me what an amazing white mage I am... to rescue me from my well-meaning but restricted parents. People that are actually fascinating fascinate me (well, duh lol) and I actually want to be them. Heroes are so important don't you think?

I relate strongly with the loser essence... of the underdogs. Of knowing you can win and make everybody happy but you still don't decide to show up. But there comes a time when I know I will have to fight and it bothers me. Because I will be finished. And even though it will be beautiful I don't want to die yet. It's not my time. I'm cookie dough, I'm not done baking. I don't want to live, but I don't... want to die anymore. Maybe that's something.

I feel after the civil rights battle of homosexuality is won.. *if* we win... there's then still the fight of classism.

I was always brave and kind of righteous, now I find I'm wavering...
lala sings along.

Okay in the next post I will explain what my dream relationship would be like.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Hmm I had a really long thing list out but I decided not to even go there and to just eat a bologna sandwich instead.

[UDP]

Like most dorks that read too much in high school, I wanted nothing more than this epic powerful old man to come and teach me what an amazing white mage I am... to rescue me from my well-meaning but restricted parents.

Did this involve a rigorous, epic spanking of your bottom (etc) ?

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Perhaps.

7/10:

I was saddened yesterday but it humbled me today. I need to make things work properly, not just wave my hand and *poof.* We magical types have to learn that. However, force physical sensors doesn't do that I believe it's a balanced of melee and magic which is why I cream my pants when I see a Paladin or a Shaman. I am the type that's addicted to sex easily, however if I can learn to control that better it makes me a warm-hearted and erotic person instead of a sleazebag that some women on the forum seem to think I am. *Ahem* Of course... I want to be all bad-ass and say I don't care what other people think of me, but everybody does. I realize that since I was harsh, I brought on their harsh energies too. However, I cannot appear soft as a minority. I wish people would get that. Did ANY other discriminated against group in society get their rights by being peaceful and passive and picking flowers in the field naked? I don't think so. Christians and ISFj-INFj women seem to hate me for this but honestly girls.... You can go back in the kitchen and make me a pot pie, because I'm not gonna shut up until I get everything I want. I want my way badly, I'll get my way badly but I *always* get my way. I love throwing temper tantrums. And now you can go rub your boobies for thinking you're 'taking the higher ground' for my cheap insults.

I play rough and dirty I've always had. Deep down I'm a monster like everybody else is... but we always have a choice of what we do with our demonic energies.

I have no problem with straight people, really. I have a tendency to annoy people with the gay right's issues but what the fuck. This isn't about my anger and victim playing, or your annoyance and comfort level. This is about basic HUMAN rights. If you didn't have all your rights, wouldn't YOU yammer on. Well... that's not true. I mean everybody is discriminated against in one way or the other. I think I'll stop 'playing' victim when they stop BEING the offender. How is that, Joy? Life is 90% how you respond to it and 10% what happens to you. But with that 10% I'm gonna milk it for all its worth. I was born and raised a Demon-crat. Sue me. So I suppose... yes, maybe I do play the victim. But gosh fuck you, I play it WELL and it gets me results.

I'm meeting up with this really cool ass lesbian activist today that has honed her powers and I think she'll help me keep my anger under control. I love her so much, she's as angry as me but she's learn to channel it better. In the end though I know this can only be solved by making the right choices. However I see no reason not to entertain people in the process. I know it makes my life better when I hear about the shit that other people go through. Pour your misery down on me.

One thing I'll never do is be a martyr. That shit is lame. What good are you if you throw yourself on the sword for somebody else? Um well uh I actually had people do that for me on occasion but I hope it wasn't because they pitied me. I won't die for my beliefs... because if I'm dead, what good am I? I'm not going to sacrifice myself for some emo gay 16-year-old boy that can't stand up for himself yet, I'm gonna shock him until he can actually fight for himself. Larry Kramer is our only good leader... he knows what he's talking about.

Be the change you want to see in the world. Well I think people need to get angry... get really, really angry- so we can change some things that need to be changed. If I hear another no-good liberal whine about how mean george bush is w/o doing anything, I'm gonna punch in the mouth!

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Gilly]

None of us have all of our rights and they're constantly shrinking besides. There are a lot more important things than whether or not people accept you, things that are actually worth fighting for. Gays like to think they're really important, they're the center of everything, and they're being sooo mistreated. In the meantime real rights are being destroyed while they go on flowery protests. Who gives a crap if you can't get legally married and get the benefits that go along with that or whatever rights you think you're missing out on! Doesn't matter if you live in a big brotherish society. That's where we're heading. People are already encouraged to tattle on each other to the "authorities" - I've had do-gooders screw me over more than once because of that, people don't trust themselves or each other, and so many live in fear of the big bad terrorists while we never seem to get out of one war or another. You're a distraction to things that really matter, and the government loves you for it.

I think calling the US a "Big Brotherish society" is a little extreme at this point, although I could easily see it going in that direction.

Gay rights are human rights. If you alienate one group of people, it gives you a basis or platform for alienating others, in the same manner that precedents are set by supreme court cases. Besides, everyone has to stand up for what is important for them; you can't expect EVERYONE to have a total perspective on what we "should" be doing. That's just asking too much. If people don't represent their individual interests, then the larger group will inevitably focus only on "big important global issues" and let the little things that so often bite us in the ass fall by the wayside. If people represent interests that are relevant to them, then things will end up getting taken care of on a relevance basis: the more people that are concerned about an issue, for whom the issue is relevant, the more likely it is to be solved, and faster. I'm sure B&D wouldn't want to be snitched on either, and, I would imagine, is against the idea of a police state but if he and his gay friends put all of their energy into that, the issues that matter to them are going to be ignored.

Don't you think you would do the same if you were in his shoes?

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Gilly]

Like most dorks that read too much in high school, I wanted nothing more than this epic powerful old man to come and teach me what an amazing white mage I am... to rescue me from my well-meaning but restricted parents. People that are actually fascinating fascinate me (well, duh lol) and I actually want to be them. Heroes are so important don't you think?

I relate strongly with the loser essence... of the underdogs. Of knowing you can win and make everybody happy but you still don't decide to show up. But there comes a time when I know I will have to fight and it bothers me. Because I will be finished. And even though it will be beautiful I don't want to die yet. It's not my time. I'm cookie dough, I'm not done baking. I don't want to live, but I don't... want to die anymore. Maybe that's something.

Wow, Beta ftw.

Or maybe I am gay...

[Gilly]

lmao, you are brilliant man. +8000.

Being angry doesn't solve anything, though; take it from someone who knows.