ESTp & INTp semi-duality relations (SLE-ILI)

[ESTP]

How do these two fair? I am dealing with an INTp friend who is also, well a lover. He's confusing because he's affectionate most of the times. He behaves like we're in a relationship when we're not, and when I bring it up he'll behave awkward for a little while, we'll get in a spat, only to make up shortly, and things will be better afterwards. He continually behaves more and more like we're together, but we are not. It's confusing as hell. I've never dealt with INTps before...so can someone enlighten me on their tendancies and the reason behind their actions?

[Jarno]

1) you are describing the relationship of the moth and the flame, getting together and separating.

2) INTP's have a big need for time for themselves.

[marooned]

I thought about posting in Beta... but since it moved here... Is it that one of you wants a "relationship" and the other doesn't?

[Expat]

I thought about posting in Beta... but since it moved here... Is it that one of you wants a "relationship" and the other doesn't?

Yeah. I think that the concept of being "friends and lovers but not in a relationship" would not be obvious to a Gamma. However, from his point of view, he may well understand the concept but have a different understanding of what it means; like, understanding that they are not "together" but have a different understanding of what it means in terms of behavior, committment etc than ESTP does.

[Blaze]

if you're friends and you're fucking you're obviously having some kind of relationship aren't you? i mean, how do you just go and say you're not in a relationship? i mean, would you have sex with somebody else? who pays for dinner? how often do you talk on the phone? don't really get this kind of thing myself maybe it's an NT thing.

[BLauritson]

I was replying to this earlier and for some reason never finished. I think all I was saying was that my first impression of this situation was a Fi vs. Fe misunderstanding. And I think I was going to make an attempt to explain the differences, but it's too complex and I'll probably mess it up so I'll leave the burden of that upon the experts on the subject.

[ESTP]

if you're friends and you're fucking you're obviously having some kind of relationship aren't you? i mean, how do you just go and say you're not in a relationship? i mean, would you have sex with somebody else? who pays for dinner? how often do you talk on the phone? don't really get this kind of thing myself maybe it's an NT thing.

well, i wasnt fucking anyone else, dunno about him, we text 24/7, for the last five weeks...anywho, it was confusing i sent him an email, explaining he oughta explain his intentions, cuz he was confusing, and anywho....
we are not in a relationship, he doesnt want one, 3 months ago he got out of a 5 yr relationship and cant just jump into another, understood however he still wants to be friends, so i told him flat out no more sex or anything that friends wouldnt do....so theres that, thats the development as of today

i cant get a song line out of my head since we had this conovo....it keeps replaying over and over in my head, and i feel soo fucking energized its ridiculous, the line goes "and maybe there'll come one day when you'll feel safe but i wont have the time" ahahah anywho...SO ENERGIZED HERE!!!

[zenbrat]

if you're friends and you're fucking you're obviously having some kind of relationship aren't you? i mean, how do you just go and say you're not in a relationship? i mean, would you have sex with somebody else? who pays for dinner? how often do you talk on the phone? don't really get this kind of thing myself maybe it's an NT thing.

I always love when Sunshine's Voice of Reason enters a thread

[ESTP]

I thought about posting in Beta... but since it moved here... Is it that one of you wants a "relationship" and the other doesn't?

Quite exactly.

[zenbrat]

How do these two fair? I am dealing with an INTp friend who is also, well a lover. He's confusing because he's affectionate most of the times. He behaves like we're in a relationship when we're not, and when I bring it up he'll behave awkward for a little while, we'll get in a spat, only to make up shortly, and things will be better afterwards. He continually behaves more and more like we're together, but we are not. It's confusing as hell. I've never dealt with INTps before...so can someone enlighten me on their tendancies and the reason behind their actions?

This makes me smile . I test as INTp half the time.... and you just described the "relationship" I had with my SLE for about 18 months - exactly.

About 4 months ago though, it's like he woke up one morning and realized, "Holy Shit! I really AM totally in love with this crazy, confusing IEI!"

Once decided it was time to quit BS-ing around, commitments were made and joint house payments commenced. We're disgustingly happy.

The moral of this story... sounds like love to me. Go ahead and toss around the "R-word" to describe your "friendship" - that throat-closing feeling of claustrophobia should pass soon (LOL).

[ESTP]

The moral of this story... sounds like love to me. Go ahead and toss around the "R-word" to describe your "friendship" - that throat-closing feeling of claustrophobia should pass soon (LOL).

hah doesnt sound like love much to me...earlier today we disucssed it and he said he doesnt want a relationship... but he wants to stay friends, he was pushing for it, so i said on the condition there is no more fucking or anything that friends wouldnt do...he said he understood,...but knowing our relationship and how we interact, im pretty sure down the road well end up in the same place we are right now, but because of how i feel burnt know, however knowingly involving myself in this situation....i will not let it happen, and he will just realize how awsome i am and cant live without the other non-friends things we were doing...i just know it, but knowing me i will also reject him, hence he obsesson with the lyrics "and maybe theyll come one day when you feel safe and i wont have the time"

I HATE MEN.

[Reuben]

Give up on that wussy little INTp. I've learnt from my relationship with Maria. Despite her obvious infatuation with me, she is still unable to quit smoking, and sees only the patterns in my behaviour, generally finding hard to come to terms with her discernible affections towards my hostile advances.

Give up on INTp's. Find another ESTp or get yourself an INFp.

[Ezra]

Poor, you, ESTP. I mean, the other guy you talked about, your IEI, people said the same of him; that he was a wuss or something. Can you truly dig dominatrix? Maybe you need to find yourself a rough SLE fella to combat with in the bedroom.

[kensi]

some ESTps look like INTps and vice versa...but i will never admit they are the other.

[ESTP]

I highly doubt my INTp is an ESTp.

[aestrivex]

some ESTps look like INTps and vice versa...but i will never admit they are the other.

uh...

[Roshan]

This is hilarious. Fi PoLR whining about what to do about the incomprehensible behavior of the close friend they sleep with who just doesn't understand they're not in a relationship.

[Lolita]

Semi-duality is easier to deal with than duality because both parties are aware there’s something missing but don’t place the impossible subconscious expectations on each other. I like ILI because they’re not so sensitive. They can handle my attacks and it’s not like I’m attacking their ego, just that my humor tends to be “jagged.” They’ll rant about everything and I don’t mind that. 4D Ni and Ti (ILI) is much more agreeable and reasonable than 4D Ni and Fi (IEI).