ESTp & INTp semi-duality relations (SLE-ILI)

[crazedrat]

well... he has Fi as a hidden agenda, which basically means he lastingly feels about the situation where you care in a juvenile on and off fashion which sways with the whims of the moment. It's inevitable you would break down and reject him, given how it is now... & that you are ESTP; and that this is only the start of the relationship.. where things are supposed to be perfect and obsessive.

[ESTP]

well... he has Fi as a hidden agenda, which basically means he lastingly feels about the situation where you care in a juvenile on and off fashion which sways with the whims of the moment. It's inevitable you would break down and reject him, given how it is now... & that you are ESTP; and that this is only the start of the relationship.. where things are supposed to be perfect and obsessive.

you're definitly right about the bold part...

Perfect and obsessive? yes, it was like that, however, when it is perfect, I get obsessive and he'll withdraw, thats when i will give up...

[crazedrat]

hmm... well if he withdraws i suppose he doesn't completely like you. unless you are doing something which is suggesting to him you are not a sound emotional investment... which is very likely if he is a perceptive person. there is a tendency for ILI to be overprotective of their emotions

[Satan]

Hi ESTP. I have heard alot of ESTps have had that experience that once they don't get constant feedback they leave or loose interest, or worse, once they've gotten what they wanted they're not interested anymore, and break hearts. That really bothers me because I could see my ESTp being WAY unhappy if he allowed himself to get like that.

Esper, I personally think that it's very important to have constant feedback, not just with relationships but friendships. And I've been that way for significant periods of time. Although at times people have kind of given "reluctant feedback".

It's kind of annoying. Although I know that I'm not the only one -

I don't see what the problem is with just having constant feedback. Feedback loops bulid stronger connections between people.

And if someone wants to break the loop, let them go off on their own, and as long as they don't get in the way, let them do whatever they need to do.

[Satan]

you're definitly right about the bold part...

Perfect and obsessive? yes, it was like that, however, when it is perfect, I get obsessive and he'll withdraw, thats when i will give up...

Then grab him and reel him in.

[Warlord]

I regret to inform everyone, that, I am in love.

Sucks to be you But have you told him that?

Have you explained him why you want relationship, instead of stating that you want one. Maybe you have to negotiate on the terms of the relationship. Or just find out why he doesn't want one with you, maybe it's something you can change. Of course it could be something you don't even want to know.

In theory, I can see that I could get in situation like that, and wouldn't want to start a relationship. In fact you have already written reasons like that already on this thread. But I really don't want to say what they are.

HC had good points.

[ESTP]

Uh...I dont know if it is love. I dont know how to interpret my feelings. We fight almost every day abuot something, and then were fine. Last night was a pretty big one, but we ended up time. I realized, that I no longer have those intense feelings...so I dont know if you can fall in and outta love that easy.

CONFUSED

[ESTP]

hmm... well if he withdraws i suppose he doesn't completely like you. unless you are doing something which is suggesting to him you are not a sound emotional investment... which is very likely if he is a perceptive person. there is a tendency for ILI to be overprotective of their emotions

Moth and the falme...moth and the flame.

[ESTP]

Ooooh...that's just infatuation/lust/whatever. It'll pass.

Prolly...I dont know, I have this pretty good way of controling my feelings. If i THINK it's unreasonable for me to be in a situation...I will mentally alter my forus and suppress my feelings. When i REALLY think about him, all the BS aside. I get a pretty heavy heart.

[kensi]

some ESTps look like INTps and vice versa...but i will never admit they are the other.

[ESTP]

I highly doubt my INTp is an ESTp.

[aestrivex]

some ESTps look like INTps and vice versa...but i will never admit they are the other.

uh...

[crazedrat]

It has been said about this relationship (ESTp/INTp) that the two tend to exagerate, in the moment, how much one actually cares for the other. Or that they care about eachother for the moment, but it doesn't last as strongly beyond the moment. I know an ESTp who I get along with very well whenever I see him; and there are laughs and stuff, but I wouldn't say I even consider him a friend. I think the experience of being in the same situation is what makes this relationship exist. Between a male and female it seems like it would turn into a personal sex party. the more I think about it, it is likely he will get over you more quickly than an INTp normally would.

[ESTP]

I think you may be right crazed...I find after this past weekend...our interaction has been very friendly. That's it. I can safely say, my "feelings" for him were not of love, because if it were, I wouldn't be "over it" in a matter of a day or two. I think it was just the intensity of the situation. Maybe it's just me being ESTp, or whatever...but I'm finding that I just don't like the heavyness of the emotional burden, I've seriuosly thought about it and I've come to the conclusion it's time to start being friends and that's it. No more, no less. Our interestes are too similar, and I think I saw myself in him and the narcisist in me fell for it. Kinda sick, but, in retrospect it's comical.

I do find however, he's a little more forward in innitiating our interaction than I. So, in typical fasion as I've tend to have done before...NEXT!!

[Wittmont]

Heh, it's not sick. Jung called it projecting the Animus/Anima. I admire that you saw through it so quickly! Not alway easy to deal with it when our archetypes start messing with us

It's a bit comical tho. TAXI for INTp!!

(hope you don't mind the joke )

[ESTP]

AHAH yes wittmont, however, once the taxi stopped by, i just waived it through. It's very hard, for me to move on from this person. I need him in my life, even if it hurts, nothin like good ol' self-destructive behaviour

[Wittmont]

AHAH yes wittmont, however, once the taxi stopped by, i just waived it through. It's very hard, for me to move on from this person. I need him in my life, even if it hurts, nothin like good ol' self-destructive behaviour

Yeah it can be addictive as hell.

Anyway don't let it all eat you up if things don't improve for the better. I hope it does.

[FlameReborn]

I've only read the first tw pages of this thread, but ESTP sounded so desperate to get away from this scary ILI... Oh the irony.

[FlameReborn]

And now that I've read more, I must sigh and contemplate various solutions, but say nothing.

And go get happy.

ESTP... You deserve better than that. And you know it.

[ESTP]

I do know it...however, I am very good at being self destructive, and I have a pretty addictive personality. Generally, addictive to those things that tend to be the worst for me.

This is gonna sound pretty...stupid, but...you see my avatar, well the person's head who I'm leaning agaist...is his. In the actualy pic, he's doing the same with the gun, it's only like a mirror image. He is wearing black, and I white in it....AHAH OMG I feel corny saying this, but he's like the ying to my yang...the other half to my whole. So, I put that avatar cuz it feels like I'm only half.

Somebody, please prescribe me some medication, I think I've gone off to the deep end. Maybe it's just cuz I havent slept in 34 hrs....meh...time to go to bed now I think :S

[FlameReborn]

Gun?

I hope not, but if that's what it might be,that'd be a rather significant thing. And in the event that it is, I suggest you get help. In fact, I suggest you get help even if it's not. Se is about taking decisive action to resolve situations, no? Use it.

Or just stay where you are. Your choice.

[ESTP]

Gun?

I hope not, but if that's what it might be,that'd be a rather significant thing. And in the event that it is, I suggest you get help. In fact, I suggest you get help even if it's not. Se is about taking decisive action to resolve situations, no? Use it.

Or just stay where you are. Your choice.

what are you talking about?? we are each holding a gun, he is pointing his the opposite way I am, its a picture...what are u getting at?

[ESTP]

I feel like a duche. I think my INTp, may acutally be IEI. I was pretty convinced he was a T, but after lOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOng disucssions with an individual on this forum, I reannalyzed it and believe he is F. I think he's just had a lot of trauma in his life, and his F is sometimes suppressed because he forces himself to be T...even tho it's a crock of shit at the end of the day.

[ESTP]

Not that his trauma is a crock of shit...I think his supression of F is a crock of shit that he's not very good at doing.

[ESTP]

that probably explains the most amazing sex of my life...duality

[FlameReborn]

That.

But apparently I was wrong.

Maybe.

Take care.

[kensi]

It has been said about this relationship (ESTp/INTp) that the two tend to exagerate, in the moment, how much one actually cares for the other. Or that they care about eachother for the moment, but it doesn't last as strongly beyond the moment. I know an ESTp who I get along with very well whenever I see him; and there are laughs and stuff, but I wouldn't say I even consider him a friend. I think the experience of being in the same situation is what makes this relationship exist. Between a male and female it seems like it would turn into a personal sex party. the more I think about it, it is likely he will get over you more quickly than an INTp normally would.

i got a kick out of reading this....brought back memories of an ESTp co-worker i used to work with a lot....and an INTp coworker extremely rarely........one day the three of us actually worked together and the INTp all of a sudden out of of nowhere seemed to exagerate(and be unaware of it fmp) how much he cared for this ESTp (both were guys btw)...i was just laughing on the inside...it was quite the sight....when both of their animas kicked in. I couldnt resist bothering my friend Gary (ESTp) about it....haha.

...ive also noticed plenty of other male and female examples of this exact relationship.

[ESTP]

Whatever his type, INTp or INFp...I'm so done with that one. I just got fed up one day recently, and wrote him a goodbye, nice knowin' ya letter. He still innitiates contact, and is extremely nice in his approach, I am just indifferent to him. He is slowly backing off, but I believe he things nothing's changed and that my goodbye letter to him was not serious. O well, now he is the one wasting his time.

[Roshan]

This is hilarious. Fi PoLR whining about what to do about the incomprehensible behavior of the close friend they sleep with who just doesn't understand they're not in a relationship.

[Lolita]

Semi-duality is easier to deal with than duality because both parties are aware there’s something missing but don’t place the impossible subconscious expectations on each other. I like ILI because they’re not so sensitive. They can handle my attacks and it’s not like I’m attacking their ego, just that my humor tends to be “jagged.” They’ll rant about everything and I don’t mind that. 4D Ni and Ti (ILI) is much more agreeable and reasonable than 4D Ni and Fi (IEI).