Gilly's Type Blog

[Gilly]

So here's the plan. Every day, from now until I settle on a type, I am going to post in here about my general thoughts and feelings of the day, what type I am generally leaning towards, and how I see the picture fitting together. I want to put out a ton of information on myself for anyone on the forum who feels like psychoanalyzing me and having an informed opinion on my type (whatever that means), but mostly I want a place where I can come back to and see what my thoughts have been in the past so I have a way of keeping things in perspective.

[aestrivex]

every day. i bet.

[Gilly]

7/5/08 - Day 1

Today I have been lazy as hell. I whacked off this morning before I even got out of bed so I've been pretty much not feeling like doing anything at all for most of the day. Good thing that I worked at the book store today and not the coffee shop The only thing that got me motivated was the thought of my boss being left with a ton of books to shelve at the end of the day, and I thought that would be shitty since she didn't seem to be having a particularly good day today, so I got on my horse for a while to make sure I didn't leave her with a whole fuckton of work to do on her own.

Today I am leaning towards IEI. The discussion last night with Ashton, hitta, and (mostly) Nick about Enneagram got me thinking again about the possibility of being 4w3. After all, the deepest sort of fixation that I have that seems to underly most of my behavior is a core believe in my "specialness/uniqueness." I have lots of grandiose thoughts about being put on the planet for some special purpose. It could have something to do with a defense mechanism adopted because of social alienation as a smaller kid, or something like that, but hey, an enneagram type has to come from somewhere, right? I also identify a lot with the idea of having "shame" about who I am: I have been accused of being hard to know and not really letting people in; a lot of my "friends" throughout the ages have really only known a pack of lies or the image that I project because I want them to see me as somehow special or different. I also relate to the 4's issues with intimate jealousy: I had a lot of odd feelings about losing my virginity to a girl who had already had sex with someone else, because I wanted to be "special" to her, for her to remember me. I also had a lot of trouble dealing with her hyper-independent tendencies, because despite needing more help than anyone I knew at the time, I wanted to help her, to save her, for her to need me so that I could "rescue" her from whatever was troubling her. However, like me, she had her own issues but didn't really want help.


I have also been thinking about my tendency of lacking initiative in just about everything. I have good ideas, but I never really make good on any of them. I have lots of fantasies and dreams, but I rarely pursue them, even when I clearly have the means to do so. I'm a fairly lazy, sedentary person, and have had to "learn" how to be more active and involved with life in general and force myself to be engaging and part of life outside of my own little world. I could definitely do with some Se. However, despite the fact that I admire some LSIs, they often seem boring and overly rigid to me. My partner has to be exciting, someone who's willing to live on the edge a little, try new activities and do risky things once in a while. I can't handle too much structure or routine. Maybe an SLE is what I need.


EIE has been the type that I've been leaning towards for some time now, but somehow I don't think I quite have their social initiative and drive. The one thing I don't really identify with 3 on is the upbeat, non-stop attitude that seems to be predominant with Se HA types, and I think that is also typical of most EIEs. I am way too lazy for that. I mean, I can definitely be that way: when it's required of me, I can turn on the switch and REALLY go at it for a long time, like yesterday at the coffee shop (image working at a place that sells cold drinks in a city famous for its tourism, particularly with regard to American colonial history, on thr 4th of July...understaffed). I also think that I have stronger Si than Se, as well as stronger Ti than Te. The only thing that doesn't work so well is seeing myself as an introvert, although I don't really have a problem with it. However most people seem to see me as an Extrovert, which, of course, makes me wonder.

[UDP]

(You're thinking about socioincs way too much. You should probably do other things with your mind, and your time, instead of analyzing your whole day to determine what your socionics type is.)

The only thing that doesn't work so well is seeing myself as an introvert, although I don't really have a problem with it. However most people seem to see me as an Extrovert, which, of course, makes me wonder.

Are you sure you understand the difference between MBTI's extroversion and what it means to be an extratim in socionics?

[Mediator Kam]

Are you sure you understand the difference between MBTI's extroversion and what it means to be an extratim in socionics?

This is true, I went to a fireworks show last night and saw a couple people I kinda know from school. As I talked to them, I realized how comfortable I was talking to them, how I felt like I had known them for twenty years, it was telling.

Anyway Gilly, keep it up bro.

[Gilly]

(You're thinking about socioincs way too much. You should probably do other things with your mind, and your time, instead of analyzing your whole day to determine what your socionics type is.)

Dude, believe me, I'm well aware.

Are you sure you understand the difference between MBTI's extroversion and what it means to be an extratim in socionics?

Yes, I am sure.

[munenori2]

I've considered doing the same for myself to be honest. Though I wouldn't ever make it public. I'd feel like I'd be far less candid than if I were keeping it on the DL. I definitely see the value you'd find in putting your thoughts to words though. There's nothing worse than realizing something intensely only to think back later and lose the central *thing* that made it so real in the beginning.

[Gilly]

Hmmm...for some reason making it public helps me to be candid, I think. When I write things down and never let anybody read it, it feels more like digging it out of the trash only to sweep it under the rug, if that makes any sense. Having people read about my life feels like it really dissipates some tension.

[Gilly]

Fuck you niffweed