Quote Originally Posted by Expat
The point is precisely to understand where they come from and try to react to that accordingly. That, unfortunately, may include doing the smile and small-talk thing - if you call that "reach out", then we agree.
We agree and yet come from different places to get there. The point I was trying to make is that managing a work, personal, intimate relationship, or other is the act of managing the relationship as an entity in unto itself. It doesn't matter what the buttons are, it only matters that you only push the ones you mean to push. Manipulative? Yes. Effective? Yes. Requires you to have enough self and other awareness that you don't push the wrong button in yourself or others? Yes.

Why is it unfotunate to smile? It's a social nicety we all enjoy when we get to look at someone else's smile.