exactly. the ONLY way i can justify chit-chat to myself is to see it as buying 'insurance', by understanding that for whatever reason, other types like this sort of thing. i still think it's a waste of time, but i do it out of deference to the people i work with. people like to talk about themselves, and apparently they like you a lot if you encourage them, and if they like you personally, it seems to automatically make them rate you higher in terms of work. now, to me, work is rated on work behaviours, friendship is rated on friendship behaviours. but what am i? just a minority.

actually chit chat usually makes me feel more like i don't belong. that's why i have to set aside a 'social' part of me, which will be doing the chit chat, as my real self will have nothing whatsoever in common with most people.

besides, people chitchat with colleagues and backstab them anyway. i much prefer to win trust by displaying trustworthy behaviours. i find that in two years i win more respect and trust from suppliers, contractors and immediate colleagues by being just and reasonable and keeping promises (i.e. using my strengths) rather than by remembering their holiday itinerary. they know i'd do right by them even at the expense of myself. i can tell you that at first our contractors couldn't believe i'd back them up if they were right, instead of making them do something stupid and then leaving them to bear the blame for it later. they tried to take me out for lunches and things, and chit chat, because they thought i would expect it of them. they still do, once in a while, but now they don't feel like they have to. i much rather like it this way - that they buy me lunch because they like me, and respect me. and if they don't they know it doesn't sway me either way. goes to show how rare courage of conviction is around here.
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