i... don't know. how is having Se as PoLR supposed to manifest itself?

Socionics function: black sensing - force - volitional sensorics
outward traits of object - shape, old vs. young, worth or cost, appearance, energy of object, strength, readiness, willpower, mobilization
Positive(short range):
Deduction of authority, insubordination, protection, defense, retaliation, counterattack, hardness, upholding of the interests, strong-willed pressure from below upwards, will power, possession;
Negative (long range):
Capture of authority, submission, attack, aggression, attack, the initiative, persistence, insistence, strong-willed pressure from top to down, the statement of the interests due to others, overthrow, weakness, lack of will, mastering.


as far as i can tell, my Se is not so very weak. i'm able to experience the moment, and i have a pretty good aesthetic sense. but i've read that that's not the point.

let's see. "Deduction of authority, insubordination, protection, defense, retaliation, counterattack". the things that come to mind is that i am almost irrationally paranoid about being controlled, about being made to conform. i dislike intensely when people tell me i'm not fair enough, too thin, too short. i don't care, and i ignore it, but it angers me and it makes me despise them. i'm not good at most sports, and i hate being made to play them, and i hate failing publicly to play halfway decently, no matter how nice the others are being to me. i hate it more or equally to being made to participate in social activities i dislike, like karaoke. but the difference is, i feel guilty and i'm disturbed for longer after the initial reaction, and i don't know why. it's almost like i don't feel it's ok to not be good at volleyball, or that i refuse to 'fix' my thinness, but i feel no guilt whatsoever when i refuse social engagements, even if i know there will be consequences and i may hurt some people.

so, is that it? Se as PoLR?