Business/Look-alike Relations ISFp and INFp (IEI-SEI)

[darya]

Sorry OP, just one more post on SEI-IEI relationships:
@lemontress I agree, I think SEI's and IEI's relationships are not the best. They're like best buddies, but with a Single White Female twist
My poor IEI friend is head over heals over SEI guy who friend-zoned her long ago. But she just does not get the hint and literally stalks him around and embarasses herself. I really don't understand, cause otherwise she's perfectly sane, not to mention hot.

I was dating a SEI guy also for a short period, and we were getting along greatly and were very similar in many ways to each other. We shared the same views, liked the same things, had the same style of humour buuut....he lacked the intensity for me. He was really the best person, so kind and patient, but I couldn't handle his niceness and was trying to shit test him just to get a reaction out of him.I always kept him waiting in a car for half an hour before I even came and other shitier things that I won't write here about All I needed from his was to stop putting up with my shit. To yell at me and set boundaries. But he never said anything, just smiled like nothing happened. So when I broke up with him the poor guy said that he was always so pissed at me when I left him waiting that he wanted to rip my head off . And I was thinking but why didn't youuuu, it would make all the difference ?

But SEI's and IEI's are in my opinion great as friends, I mean really, who could not like SEI's

[lemontrees]

Sorry OP, just one more post on SEI-IEI relationships:
@lemontress I agree, I think SEI's and IEI's relationships are not the best. They're like best buddies, but with a Single White Female twist
My poor IEI friend is head over heals over SEI guy who friend-zoned her long ago. But she just does not get the hint and literally stalks him around and embarasses herself. I really don't understand, cause otherwise she's perfectly sane, not to mention hot.

I was dating a SEI guy also for a short period, and we were getting along greatly and were very similar in many ways to each other. We shared the same views, liked the same things, had the same style of humour buuut....he lacked the intensity for me. He was really the best person, so kind and patient, but I couldn't handle his niceness and was trying to shit test him just to get a reaction out of him.I always kept him waiting in a car for half an hour before I even came and other shitier things that I won't write here about All I needed from his was to stop putting up with my shit. To yell at me and set boundaries. But he never said anything, just smiled like nothing happened. So when I broke up with him the poor guy said that he was always so pissed at me when I left him waiting that he wanted to rip my head off . And I was thinking but why didn't youuuu, it would make all the difference ?

But SEI's and IEI's are in my opinion great as friends, I mean really, who could not like SEI's

LMAO

yeah I think the victim/caregiver difference is HUGE. I think regardless of enneagram type SEI may in general be more conflict averse. "healthy fight" for IEI (would IEI ever word something as a "healthy" fight??) may be "feels like end of world ;__;" for SEI.

also tbh the scary/tiring part is having to respond to victim type emotional prodding- it always feels like I know what's going on but to respond in the 'right' way would be unnatural yet to keep on doing what feels right to me feels like i've "lost" the power struggle by not participating. so i retreat into Si and get through it by responding in a calm, literal, "supportive" way to what's going on b/c I'm confused and and it feels like I'm being pulled back and forth through a blender lol. which I'm sure is not fun and possibly even patronizing for IEI.

I love IEI's though- I really truly envy and appreciate their strengths. plus what would I do without that periodic mutual emotional sabotage

PS- I think IEI women may have it easier b/c due to different societal standards they aren't so keen to prove themselves more than you via victim emotional tactics.

[darya]

LMAO

yeah I think the victim/caregiver difference is HUGE. I think regardless of enneagram type SEI may in general be more conflict averse. "healthy fight" for IEI (would IEI ever word something as a "healthy" fight??) may be "feels like end of world ;__;" for SEI.

also tbh the scary/tiring part is having to respond to victim type emotional prodding- it always feels like I know what's going on but to respond in the 'right' way would be unnatural yet to keep on doing what feels right to me feels like i've "lost" the power struggle by not participating. so i retreat into Si and get through it by responding in a calm, literal, "supportive" way to what's going on b/c I'm confused and and it feels like I'm being pulled back and forth through a blender lol. which I'm sure is not fun and possibly even patronizing for IEI.

I love IEI's though- I really truly envy and appreciate their strengths. plus what would I do without that periodic mutual emotional sabotage

PS- I think IEI women may have it easier b/c due to different societal standards they aren't so keen to prove themselves more than you via victim emotional tactics.

Yes, SEI's seem to be very conflict avoidant (I would even say most of all types) and I'm sure IEI's can be very annoying with wanting to resolve all the issues. I feel like when everything is calm we just make a problem up - emotional sabotage is a great way to describe it.

I feel like for me it's somehow easier to step into a caregiver role with infantile men, than to be in an infantile role myself. That's really not working for me, although I appreciate all the effort and cosy Si

[lemontrees]

Yes, SEI's seem to be very conflict avoidant (I would even say most of all types)

definitely agree.

I feel like for me it's somehow easier to step into a caregiver role with infantile men, than to be in an infantile role myself. That's really not working for me, although I appreciate all the effort and cosy Si

Lol I can see that- like a mix of amused, exasperated, and "playing a role? (for the infantile.)" I myself don't even like being taken care of by caregivers... it's okay but boring. I don't know how people like infantiles who need that even exist but it's kind of nice that they do.

an ese friend said to me once (in far more graceful terms I can't replicate) : "I kind of want a man to take care of and feed like a dog... that is just so adorable to me."