Fe Demonisation

[Sirena]

i think winterpark meant the article. maybe not. Is your fiance your dual winterpark?

Do you mean me?

[Park]

i think winterpark meant the article. maybe not. Is your fiance your dual winterpark?

I was referring to my dual, not the article. My fiancee is (most likely) my super-ego.

[xyz]

I was referring to my dual, not the article. My fiancee is (most likely) my super-ego.

OH DEAR

[Ms. Kensington]

Do you mean me?

haha oh yeah! you are the fiancee!

[Park]

OH DEAR

Nice avatar.

[xyz]

Nice avatar.

Thanks. Fugees rock my socks.
Whatever happened to Lauren Hill anyway

[Kristiina]

hmm. i can relate to this.
and where i wonder, why do people go "how are you" or "what's up", when they don't really expect an answer.
now that you mentioned it... that it's only a greeting, i get it. lol.
i'd get so stressed thinking, am i suppose to say how i'm doing, or what's new in my life.
i can also relate to the "refusing to try" part, since it's awkward doing it, and pretty pointless to me.

i think Fe PoLR types have emotional outbursts too actually, because they're weak at it, thus not very good at controlling it. But from my observations, it's more of a "volcano" effect, where the frustration is probably stored for awhile before it "erupts".

it's not just a greeting. It's to give a chance to warn the other person.

Imagine one person's mother dies and some friends walks up to them and says hi and starts cheerfully chatting something. The first person cant just say, MY MOTHER DIED!!!! Well ok, if it's something this big, he might. But what if he just flunked an exam and is feeling down. Or if someone insulted him... If that's the case, then they might want to talk about that in stead of listening to the other person's story. This is why people in Fe groups ask "how are you". It's a chance to set the mood of the conversation.

Someone asks you, "how are you"/"what's new":
1) you're in a regular mood, say "Things are good"/"nothing much"
2) you can't stop thinking about something, mention it briefly. " not good, my mother died" or "I flunked an important exam 2 days ago." etc.

Isolda, you don't need that pre-conversation information, you don't need the other person to set the mood. It is perfectly ok to just say "Hi" in stead of "how are you". But if you see them acting out of character, you might still want to ask that to give them a chance to make their problem into a conversation.

[dbmmama]

it's not just a greeting. It's to give a chance to warn the other person.

Imagine one person's mother dies and some friends walks up to them and says hi and starts cheerfully chatting something. The first person cant just say, MY MOTHER DIED!!!! Well ok, if it's something this big, he might. But what if he just flunked an exam and is feeling down. Or if someone insulted him... If that's the case, then they might want to talk about that in stead of listening to the other person's story. This is why people in Fe groups ask "how are you". It's a chance to set the mood of the conversation.

Someone asks you, "how are you"/"what's new":
1) you're in a regular mood, say "Things are good"/"nothing much"
2) you can't stop thinking about something, mention it briefly. " not good, my mother died" or "I flunked an important exam 2 days ago." etc.

Isolda, you don't need that pre-conversation information, you don't need the other person to set the mood. It is perfectly ok to just say "Hi" in stead of "how are you". But if you see them acting out of character, you might still want to ask that to give them a chance to make their problem into a conversation.

very good points and way of explaining it.

i believe sincere Fe really does care about how you are, that's why they ask. not as some superficial thing, but because they want to know because they do care. i know that is that way for me.

and most of the time, i don't have to ask because i can already tell something is going on one way or the other. i can tell someone's "mood" right away. the asking is then to find out what's going on because i do care and want to always see if there is some way i can help or be happy with them etc., whatever is going on. whatever is going on, i like to be involved in and sharing in their emotions, whatever they are. to me, that is the highest form of caring. to me. i also like to be someone who helps them in and through those emotions too.

i can also see how someone who doesn't value Fe would NOT want another's emotional issues to be part of a conversation. and those people i can tell not to ask those things of. i can pick up on if someone is receptive or not to sharing in those ways.

[Kristiina]

very good points and way of explaining it.

i believe sincere Fe really does care about how you are, that's why they ask. not as some superficial thing, but because they want to know because they do care. i know that is that way for me.

and most of the time, i don't have to ask because i can already tell something is going on one way or the other. i can tell someone's "mood" right away. the asking is then to find out what's going on because i do care and want to always see if there is some way i can help or be happy with them etc., whatever is going on. whatever is going on, i like to be involved in and sharing in their emotions, whatever they are. to me, that is the highest form of caring. to me. i also like to be someone who helps them in and through those emotions too.

i can also see how someone who doesn't value Fe would NOT want another's emotional issues to be part of a conversation. and those people i can tell not to ask those things of. i can pick up on if someone is receptive or not to sharing in those ways.

I also care... usually. But sometimes I haven't seen someone for a really long time and I ask them what's new and they tell me about their past week or even day. Then I don't care. What will I do with that information? I get a glimse of what kind of a life they're living, but I hope they don't spend too much time on that! I want to know what has changed, I want to know what is new, not what they had for lunch!

[Sirena]

I also care... usually. But sometimes I haven't seen someone for a really long time and I ask them what's new and they tell me about their past week or even day. Then I don't care. What will I do with that information? I get a glimse of what kind of a life they're living, but I hope they don't spend too much time on that! I want to know what has changed, I want to know what is new, not what they had for lunch!

Hahaha, that's funny. I can't really relate though. I personally like getting a glimpse of the person's life through day-to-day activities, especially if it is someone that I like and care about.

[dbmmama]

I also care... usually. But sometimes I haven't seen someone for a really long time and I ask them what's new and they tell me about their past week or even day. Then I don't care. What will I do with that information? I get a glimse of what kind of a life they're living, but I hope they don't spend too much time on that! I want to know what has changed, I want to know what is new, not what they had for lunch!

i care... always. even if i don't seem like it to others, it's always.

i also don't prefer small talk about day to day things. a little bit now and then is fun, but get to the good stuff about your LIFE and true emotions. but since i care always, i go with what the person wants to talk about. if it's small talk, i can tell and so that's what i do. if they are open for more, then all the better to me. i change my response based on what vibe i'm getting from them at the time for what they desire in the conversation. and i "listen" for their vibe in knowing what they are comfortable with in me expressing myself too. and all the better when they are open to me letting it all hang out.

[eunice]

hmm. i can relate to this.
and where i wonder, why do people go "how are you" or "what's up", when they don't really expect an answer.
now that you mentioned it... that it's only a greeting, i get it. lol.
i'd get so stressed thinking, am i suppose to say how i'm doing, or what's new in my life.
i can also relate to the "refusing to try" part, since it's awkward doing it, and pretty pointless to me.

I used "how are you?", "what's up?", "how have you been?" as my opening lines because I'm interested to know how that person has been so far rather than use it because it is a standard way of greeting. Moreover, it is a convenient way to start a conversation. I mean, what other lines can you use to start a conversation with?

[Logos]

I used "how are you?", "what's up?", "how have you been?" as my opening lines because I'm interested to know how that person has been so far rather than use it because it is a standard way of greeting. Moreover, it is a convenient way to start a conversation. I mean, what other lines can you use to start a conversation with?

I see it as a trivial greeting that is answered briskly with a vague answer, conveniently side-stepped, and then followed-up by going about my business as usual or walking past the person who asked.

[hellothere]

I see it as a trivial greeting that is answered briskly with a vague answer, conveniently side-stepped, and then followed-up by going about my business as usual or walking past the person who asked.

lol yeah. especially when it is said in a context which does not allow for the question to be answered properly anyway, regardless of whether the person asking actually cared or not.