How to Disginguish your Conflict & Duality Types

[marooned]

I didn't edit this for lack of time... so it may be kind of "off".

I tend to see leading as demanding... as giving commands and orders. But with enough protestation to the demand/command or refusal to comply, the leading type will reconsider, or insist, or retract it, or whatever (depending). Mainly the demand/command is not always something that is non-negotiable (and is not always an order)… it is often a reflection of what the person wants to happen now expressed in "command language." This is because the leading person often just naturally expresses themselves in a commanding way in interaction with others… it is automatic.

I suspect this is because the leading person is more immediately aware of exactly what they want to happen at the time and starts dishing out commands to make it happen. This works well for leading because they keep getting side-tracked and taking trips into lala land where they don't actually get anything done (though I'm not saying is unproductive… they'll get things done eventually ). So an order of "do this. do it now" can be helpful because then they can't get out of doing it so easily. The person interprets the commands being dished out as requests put in the command language - as things that add a sense of the immediate to what had been stretched out in time before (by making them immediate they can be implemented and made "real"). Though sometimes they're commands dished out in the command language and have a sort of finality to them. But this is also helpful because if you know they won't bend on it no matter what, then it makes the world less wishy-washy because you're used to bending everything so when something can't be bent, that means you'll have to do something rather than postponing it or finding a way out of it.

ETA: Not bending means it's certain. Things that can't be bent are exciting in a world where everything bends and flops over.

This way seems much more honest, direct, and clear because there is no question about what the leading person actually wants. So negotiation about what to do tends to be in the realm of will and who wants what, conveniently skipping over confusion where people really want one thing but they put their request in this confusing way that suggests they don't really want that and then when things don't go the way they actually wanted (because they weren't clear and direct) they make a fuss. Of course often times we (as in anyone of any type) don't know what we want.

I much prefer this sort of directness to things like "could you maybe do this, well if you want to, I mean only if you feel like it, but it would really mean a lot to me if you did, well nevermind you don't have to, I'm not sure I care about it anyway…" Of course then again I feel like a hypocrite because I can be unclear and indirect myself. But I try to take responsibility for this. I don't (or try not to) blame someone else if they were confused because I wasn't clear enough.