How does it feel to be physically attractive ?

[strrrng]

Some people find me attractive.

ya lol, judging from those other pics where u looked like a model or something

I don't see the connection between attractiveness and insecurity. If some attractive teenage girl is insecure, always saying she's ugly, it's probably not derived from being attractive and having people comment on her looks often. People like compliments. Maybe attractive people experience insecurity when they feel like they need to be more attractive or something (like a rich person wanting to be more rich, never content with what he has; as opposed to a middle class person who is content).

[Creepy-]

ya lol, judging from those other pics where u looked like a model or something

I don't see the connection between attractiveness and insecurity. If some attractive teenage girl is insecure, always saying she's ugly, it's probably not derived from being attractive and having people comment on her looks often. People like compliments. Maybe attractive people experience insecurity when they feel like they need to be more attractive or something (like a rich person wanting to be more rich, never content with what he has; as opposed to a middle class person who is content.)

I think you are probably right about this. And because here in the West (East as well?) beauty is associated with youth, with each passing year (each day, even, people seem to think) an attractive person is a little bit less attractive than he/she was before. That's a lot of stress for someone who depends exclusively on his/her looks for self-worth. That's why people should put effort into who they are, building character and knowledge and skills and all of those things that will not only be there years from now, but that will be even better with time.

In short:
Outer beauty fades with time. (prevailing hegemonic view)
Inner qualities increase and improve with time and effort. (an almost constant truth)


And that's my sermon for today. Now, off for my mani-/pedi- appointment. (I'm kidding, but I wish I wasn't )

[strrrng]

very powerful post. I hope everyone respects and appreciates this.

[Rubicon]

God, that pisses me off so much. How could someone honestly depend exclusively on physical compliments to consider themselves worthy? What causes that? I should look it up...

I mean, it makes me feel good... but rarely does it actually make me feel better about myself.

In fact, it's usually the opposite. That's why I was so confused by Machintruc's comment:

I know a few girls who seem to depend exclusively on their looks for feelings of self-worth. I don't think it's as uncommon as you seem to think. This one girl I know - she was assaulted by her father when she was young, and now she's pretty much a slut to put it bluntly. All her self-esteem seems to come from how physically attractive she comes across to guys. But she's a pretty insecure person really. She's kind of hostile towards girls, and suspicious of girls who are nice to her.

I don't think it's so incredible and horrifying that some girls should rely heavily on their attractiveness. When you think about it, it can be viewed as just another feature - like intelligence, kindness .... Don't get me wrong - I think it's sad when a girl's self-worth is entirely wrapped up in her looks - but I think it's understandable that some girls should come to rely on their beauty if that's what has always gotten them attention. Looking at it from their point of view - It works for them - why not use it? And they probably figure that the guy will get to know their 'true selves' in due course - that their beauty just serves to do the initiating so to speak.

[Lotus]

I don't mean to be offensive at all... but breaking a girl's self esteem is often used by some guys as a means to an end.

What do you mean by "a means to an end" ? He used it as a means to have dominance over me.

People like that have a simplified understanding of the world and you shouldn't take them seriously. You probably already knew all of this, if not, then definitely after your experience.

Another thing often used by some guys is direct complements - most of them can't really think of a better way to grab a girl's attention. But some of them are probably sincere... ie. they wouldn't actually treat you like shit.

Yeah, that's my problem. I realize that guys are just being playful or flirting... but I can't let go of what happened to me, I guess. And what makes it worse is the fact that I RARELY interpret anything anyone says correctly... So I never know if they're kidding or not. I usually just assume they are, though... instead of getting pissy every time someone hits on me. That can get frustrating.

I know a few girls who seem to depend exclusively on their looks for feelings of self-worth. I don't think it's as uncommon as you seem to think. This one girl I know - she was assaulted by her father when she was young, and now she's pretty much a slut to put it bluntly. All her self-esteem seems to come from how physically attractive she comes across to guys. But she's a pretty insecure person really. She's kind of hostile towards girls, and suspicious of girls who are nice to her.

I don't think it's so incredible and horrifying that some girls should rely heavily on their attractiveness. When you think about it, it can be viewed as just another feature - like intelligence, kindness .... Don't get me wrong - I think it's sad when a girl's self-worth is entirely wrapped up in her looks - but I think it's understandable that some girls should come to rely on their beauty if that's what has always gotten them attention. Looking at it from their point of view - It works for them - why not use it? And they probably figure that the guy will get to know their 'true selves' in due course - that their beauty just serves to do the initiating so to speak.

Yeah I know what girls you're talking about. lol

When I said, "God, that pisses me off so much. How could someone honestly depend exclusively on physical compliments to consider themselves worthy? What causes that? I should look it up..." I meant like, WHY would someone be like that? Not... is there really people like that?

But yes, I know girls like that and it's interesting how differently people react.

When girls get taken advantage of, the reactions vary from feeling like they need the attention (completely shattered self-esteems ) to becoming distrustful of all affection and attention...

[strrrng]

Another thing often used by some guys is direct complements - most of them can't really think of a better way to grab a girl's attention. But some of them are probably sincere... ie. they wouldn't actually treat you like shit.

agreed. I have done this in the past, but only to break the ice or just joke around.

[Jimbean]

I've seen guys try to break a girl's self esteem so that they can have dominance over her. The person creates a situation where your self esteem is damaged so that there's a reason to stay with the person in order to prove your worth to him and reclaim your self-esteem.

let me speak bluntly...

You know, I almost kicked someone's ass because of bullshit like that. I do not tolerate someone who uses that kind of manipulation on other people... at all! and if I see him again I will ring his f__ing neck!

[Joy]

let me speak bluntly...

You know, I almost kicked someone's ass because of bullshit like that. I do not tolerate someone who uses that kind of manipulation on other people... at all! and if I see him again I will ring his f__ing neck!

It takes two to tango.

If that girl wasn't with that guy anymore but nothing else about her changed, she'd quickly end up with another guy just like that.

[jessica129]

I agree anamericancer, plus getting hit on 24/7 is highly annoying. Nobody wants to be looked at as a sex organ, and that feeling is very uncomfortable.

Yes. Extremely uncomfortable. Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

[implied]

Yes. Extremely uncomfortable. Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

i seriously have done this before, jessica. i did this in turkey actually because i got sick of guys approaching me. my idea is that it would work well in cultures where marriage is still a union that is taken at least semi-seriously, which, tbqh, isn't many places anymore heh.

[jessica129]

i seriously have done this before, jessica. i did this in turkey actually because i got sick of guys approaching me. my idea is that it would work well in cultures where marriage is still a union that is taken at least semi-seriously, which, tbqh, isn't many places anymore heh.

Yeah, sometimes they'll ask me if it's an engagement ring to which i'll answer "Yes" and they still keep at it. But for the most part, they leave me alone. Everytime I go places were i know drunk men congregate, the ring goes on.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Yeah, sometimes they'll ask me if it's an engagement ring to which i'll answer "Yes" and they still keep at it. But for the most part, they leave me alone. Everytime I go places were i know drunk men congregate, the ring goes on.

I know an ISTp (female) who performs this same procedure.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Creepy-]

Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

I tried this when I was a waitress, and it worked a lot of the time, but there were also some wolfe-ish men who seemed attracted to the challenge it implied (note I said they were attracted to the challenge, not necessarily to me.

[Creepy-]

I have a question: To what extent do you limit yourself regarding people of the opposite (or same) sex whom you find attractive, if you think they are significantly more attractive than you are? Would you approach?

And why, exactly? (e.g. because you're intimidated, assume they're vapid, etc)

[Joy]

I tried this when I was a waitress, and it worked a lot of the time, but there were also some wolfe-ish men who seemed attracted to the challenge it implied (note I said they were attracted to the challenge, not necessarily to me.

I always found that guys flirted with me more when I was wearing a ring on my left ring finger, presumably because they wouldn't have to worry about anything coming of it (or like you said because they want what someone else has).

If guys aren't talking to someone wearing a huge, obviously fake ring, it may be because they're afraid that person might be psycho. But whatever works.

[Steve]

People like compliments. Maybe attractive people experience insecurity when they feel like they need to be more attractive or something (like a rich person wanting to be more rich, never content with what he has; as opposed to a middle class person who is content).

Good point