How does it feel to be physically attractive ?

[xyz]

Well, I'm not claiming to be exceptionally attractive myself and I never would, but I could see why attractive people would be more insecure as the only thing they're ever judged on is their appearance.

You mean there's more to them??

[Lotus]

You mean there's more to them??

Aww luis, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you have SOME personality deep down...

Some people find me attractive. Some people find me sort of creepy looking. I'm among the latter half.

It annoys me when people comment on my appearance. Not because I feel like an object but because I crave praise (okay, I said it) and I don't want to complements on things that I don't work on. If I put make up on or fixed my hair I'm sure I would be very flattered. As it is I want people to say nice things about stuff that I have to put an effort into. Anyway, I look 12.

It honestly annoys you? Wow.

I'm kind of the opposite. I don't put much effort into my appearance really. Eye make up sometimes...
So when girls get praised for having great hair or skin when they're actually wearing a ton of make up and straightening their hair every morning before people see them.... it's kind of amusing.

Like false compliments.
I mean... I guess they ARE compliments. But only as "hey, you used that make up really well... you can make yourself look attractive with it. Nice effort. " instead of "you're beautiful"

[xyz]

Aww luis, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you have SOME personality deep down...

That's the best backhanded complement i've ever received.

Fuck you too.

[strrrng]

Some people find me attractive.

ya lol, judging from those other pics where u looked like a model or something

I don't see the connection between attractiveness and insecurity. If some attractive teenage girl is insecure, always saying she's ugly, it's probably not derived from being attractive and having people comment on her looks often. People like compliments. Maybe attractive people experience insecurity when they feel like they need to be more attractive or something (like a rich person wanting to be more rich, never content with what he has; as opposed to a middle class person who is content).

[Creepy-]

ya lol, judging from those other pics where u looked like a model or something

I don't see the connection between attractiveness and insecurity. If some attractive teenage girl is insecure, always saying she's ugly, it's probably not derived from being attractive and having people comment on her looks often. People like compliments. Maybe attractive people experience insecurity when they feel like they need to be more attractive or something (like a rich person wanting to be more rich, never content with what he has; as opposed to a middle class person who is content.)

I think you are probably right about this. And because here in the West (East as well?) beauty is associated with youth, with each passing year (each day, even, people seem to think) an attractive person is a little bit less attractive than he/she was before. That's a lot of stress for someone who depends exclusively on his/her looks for self-worth. That's why people should put effort into who they are, building character and knowledge and skills and all of those things that will not only be there years from now, but that will be even better with time.

In short:
Outer beauty fades with time. (prevailing hegemonic view)
Inner qualities increase and improve with time and effort. (an almost constant truth)


And that's my sermon for today. Now, off for my mani-/pedi- appointment. (I'm kidding, but I wish I wasn't )

[strrrng]

very powerful post. I hope everyone respects and appreciates this.

[Rubicon]

God, that pisses me off so much. How could someone honestly depend exclusively on physical compliments to consider themselves worthy? What causes that? I should look it up...

I mean, it makes me feel good... but rarely does it actually make me feel better about myself.

In fact, it's usually the opposite. That's why I was so confused by Machintruc's comment:

I know a few girls who seem to depend exclusively on their looks for feelings of self-worth. I don't think it's as uncommon as you seem to think. This one girl I know - she was assaulted by her father when she was young, and now she's pretty much a slut to put it bluntly. All her self-esteem seems to come from how physically attractive she comes across to guys. But she's a pretty insecure person really. She's kind of hostile towards girls, and suspicious of girls who are nice to her.

I don't think it's so incredible and horrifying that some girls should rely heavily on their attractiveness. When you think about it, it can be viewed as just another feature - like intelligence, kindness .... Don't get me wrong - I think it's sad when a girl's self-worth is entirely wrapped up in her looks - but I think it's understandable that some girls should come to rely on their beauty if that's what has always gotten them attention. Looking at it from their point of view - It works for them - why not use it? And they probably figure that the guy will get to know their 'true selves' in due course - that their beauty just serves to do the initiating so to speak.

[Lotus]

I don't mean to be offensive at all... but breaking a girl's self esteem is often used by some guys as a means to an end.

What do you mean by "a means to an end" ? He used it as a means to have dominance over me.

People like that have a simplified understanding of the world and you shouldn't take them seriously. You probably already knew all of this, if not, then definitely after your experience.

Another thing often used by some guys is direct complements - most of them can't really think of a better way to grab a girl's attention. But some of them are probably sincere... ie. they wouldn't actually treat you like shit.

Yeah, that's my problem. I realize that guys are just being playful or flirting... but I can't let go of what happened to me, I guess. And what makes it worse is the fact that I RARELY interpret anything anyone says correctly... So I never know if they're kidding or not. I usually just assume they are, though... instead of getting pissy every time someone hits on me. That can get frustrating.

I know a few girls who seem to depend exclusively on their looks for feelings of self-worth. I don't think it's as uncommon as you seem to think. This one girl I know - she was assaulted by her father when she was young, and now she's pretty much a slut to put it bluntly. All her self-esteem seems to come from how physically attractive she comes across to guys. But she's a pretty insecure person really. She's kind of hostile towards girls, and suspicious of girls who are nice to her.

I don't think it's so incredible and horrifying that some girls should rely heavily on their attractiveness. When you think about it, it can be viewed as just another feature - like intelligence, kindness .... Don't get me wrong - I think it's sad when a girl's self-worth is entirely wrapped up in her looks - but I think it's understandable that some girls should come to rely on their beauty if that's what has always gotten them attention. Looking at it from their point of view - It works for them - why not use it? And they probably figure that the guy will get to know their 'true selves' in due course - that their beauty just serves to do the initiating so to speak.

Yeah I know what girls you're talking about. lol

When I said, "God, that pisses me off so much. How could someone honestly depend exclusively on physical compliments to consider themselves worthy? What causes that? I should look it up..." I meant like, WHY would someone be like that? Not... is there really people like that?

But yes, I know girls like that and it's interesting how differently people react.

When girls get taken advantage of, the reactions vary from feeling like they need the attention (completely shattered self-esteems ) to becoming distrustful of all affection and attention...

[jessica129]

I agree anamericancer, plus getting hit on 24/7 is highly annoying. Nobody wants to be looked at as a sex organ, and that feeling is very uncomfortable.

Yes. Extremely uncomfortable. Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

[implied]

Yes. Extremely uncomfortable. Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

i seriously have done this before, jessica. i did this in turkey actually because i got sick of guys approaching me. my idea is that it would work well in cultures where marriage is still a union that is taken at least semi-seriously, which, tbqh, isn't many places anymore heh.

[Creepy-]

Try wearing a faux wedding ring. As many of you have noticed, I've recently taken up wearing them. It works. Try it. Nothing repels them faster.

I tried this when I was a waitress, and it worked a lot of the time, but there were also some wolfe-ish men who seemed attracted to the challenge it implied (note I said they were attracted to the challenge, not necessarily to me.

[Steve]

People like compliments. Maybe attractive people experience insecurity when they feel like they need to be more attractive or something (like a rich person wanting to be more rich, never content with what he has; as opposed to a middle class person who is content).

Good point

[Garmonbozia]

Aww luis, don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you have SOME personality deep down...



It honestly annoys you? Wow.

I'm kind of the opposite. I don't put much effort into my appearance really. Eye make up sometimes...
So when girls get praised for having great hair or skin when they're actually wearing a ton of make up and straightening their hair every morning before people see them.... it's kind of amusing.

Like false compliments.
I mean... I guess they ARE compliments. But only as "hey, you used that make up really well... you can make yourself look attractive with it. Nice effort. " instead of "you're beautiful"

Yeah, I want an E for effort. Other wise people are complimenting my parentage which is shitty at best.

[strrrng]

I mean... I guess they ARE compliments. But only as "hey, you used that make up really well... you can make yourself look attractive with it. Nice effort. " instead of "you're beautiful"

agreed. makeup and stuff is nice, but it's more about the inherent beauty. you could put a truly attractive girl in a sweat suit and she would still turn heads.

[xyz]

You can't deny though that obviously as humans, on first impressions beauty is the first thing that we notice.

[Lotus]

Yeah, I want an E for effort. Other wise people are complimenting my parentage which is shitty at best.

Yeah, you're right.

But still... when someone is called "ugly" they are way more insulted than when they are told "you don't put in enough effort."

I'm not sure why this is.. since it is just parentage.... but yeah.
Even though it is stupid to be happy when people find you attractive, we still are.

Well... you don't.

[theMime.]

Yeah, you're right.

But still... when someone is called "ugly" they are way more insulted than when they are told "you don't put in enough effort."

I'm not sure why this is.. since it is just parentage.... but yeah.
Even though it is stupid to be happy when people find you attractive, we still are.

Well... you don't.

yup.

[xyz]

Yeah, you're right.

But still... when someone is called "ugly" they are way more insulted than when they are told "you don't put in enough effort."

I'm not sure why this is.. since it is just parentage.... but yeah.
Even though it is stupid to be happy when people find you attractive, we still are.

Well... you don't.

Maybe it's more related to western culture than anything intristically human. I've been told (esp by lots of foreign students form East Asia and Phillipines) that america puts lots of emphasis on physical looks. Deny it as we might, it still effects us.

[Lotus]

And also in regard to Garmon's post: What if we lived in a society where attraction was based on effort instead of being visual pleasing?

The girls who don't like to put in effort would be the least attractive. The ones who put in a lot of effort would be the most admired. But the ones who DO put in more effort are usually the girls who are the least secure with themselves... and that's why they need the attention the effort gives them. So this sort of society would sort of blow because we would be rewarding insecure/attention-seeking behavior.

Bleh.

Wait. Never mind. Our society does that too.
Eh, there's no way to win.

[Garmonbozia]

And also in regard to Garmon's post: What if we lived in a society where attraction was based on effort instead of being visual pleasing?

The girls who don't like to put in effort would be the least attractive. The ones who put in a lot of effort would be the most admired. But the ones who DO put in more effort are usually the girls who are the least secure with themselves... and that's why they need the attention the effort gives them. So this sort of society would sort of blow because we would be rewarding insecure/attention-seeking behavior.

Bleh.

Wait. Never mind. Our society does that too.
Eh, there's no way to win.

It's all creepy we should just be invisible.

That isn't to say that I'm not a pretty things maven. I fucking love good design (not clothes) when I look at my macbook air or my strida or a pretty building it's as thrilling as looking at a baby loris. It's orgasmic. But the people who MAKE pretty things are of far more value than people who ARE pretty.

[discojoe]

I'm not trying to sound arrogant or anything, but this is already true in most cases. The preppy girls who are actually good at taking care of themselves (makeup and hair) are usually regarded at the most attractive in our society. It's the same with guys who work on their body's in the gym.

Girls who put a ton of energy into their appearance usually have awful personalities.

[xyz]

Girls who put a ton of energy into their appearance usually have awful personalities.

And their usually only interesting until they open their mouths.

[Lotus]

Well, yeah, there's two sides to it. There's basic physical attractiveness, which is related to basic symmetry and relation of one physical asset to another which is a sign of high health, an attractiveness that runs across cultures.

But the other side is how well you reach the "social ideal," i.e. socioeconomic status. Mates of a higher social and economic status are more attractive because they offer a better evolutionary advantage in life. Tans for example, became popular when they became a sign of higher socioeconomic status--only the rich had summer homes on the beach and time to play in the sun while the poor and working class had to stay indoors to work or participate in less glamourous forms of recreation. The time to keep up with the latest trends and the money to buy them, as well as the money to buy the best quality of makeup and the time to laboriously apply it, as well as with hair and other physical elements, all have to do with resources of time and money, and are associated with higher socioeconomic class. It all evolution. ~_^

Yeah, that's true. I've never been attracted to good-looking hobos. Actually, I've never encountered one. Hmmm.... what does that say about me?

Hypocritical... I guess.

It's all creepy we should just be invisible.

That isn't to say that I'm not a pretty things maven. I fucking love good design (not clothes) when I look at my macbook air or my strida or a pretty building it's as thrilling as looking at a baby loris. It's orgasmic. But the people who MAKE pretty things are of far more value than people who ARE pretty.

But about that... do you also consider people who MAKE themselves into pretty things more valuable?

(and off topic, but... the macbook air came out like a month after i bought my macbook. I was so pissed off. Egh. I HATE when that happens.)

I'm not trying to sound arrogant or anything, but this is already true in most cases. The preppy girls who are actually good at taking care of themselves (makeup and hair) are usually regarded at the most attractive in our society. It's the same with guys who work on their body's in the gym.

Yeah, you're all right.
I think all we need is balance.

We need the people who find "natural" to be attractive. But we also need the people that enjoy improving themselves...

I've never settled for anything, really. ANYTHING can be improved... (new laptop, phone, house, friends, environments, etc...) but my priorities are different than others. I don't take as much care in my appearance as I do to my personal enjoyment. I'd rather blow my money on a vacation than on hair/skin products.
If someone finds me unattractive because of that... then good. The people that put all their effort into their looks need someone too

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I've tend to find that those who say looks don't matter tend to be the ones who are actually good looking anyway. It's the ugly ones who realise how much of a hinderance it can be.

This reminds me of school..I was a late developer..I remember when I was 16, over the space of about 6 weeks I changed from being a bit short and stumpy to growing 5 inches and I was tall and kinda skinny and in good shape and more 'mature' looking and stuff. It was somewhat amusing to me to observe girls I had known for years, who had never spoke to me, all of a sudden stop to smile at me and start a conversation and say 'Hi Cyclops!'

Huh!

[Garmonbozia]

Yeah, that's true. I've never been attracted to good-looking hobos. Actually, I've never encountered one. Hmmm.... what does that say about me?

Hypocritical... I guess.



But about that... do you also consider people who MAKE themselves into pretty things more valuable?

(and off topic, but... the macbook air came out like a month after i bought my macbook. I was so pissed off. Egh. I HATE when that happens.)



Yeah, you're all right.
I think all we need is balance.

We need the people who find "natural" to be attractive. But we also need the people that enjoy improving themselves...

I've never settled for anything, really. ANYTHING can be improved... (new laptop, phone, house, friends, environments, etc...) but my priorities are different than others. I don't take as much care in my appearance as I do to my personal enjoyment. I'd rather blow my money on a vacation than on hair/skin products.
If someone finds me unattractive because of that... then good. The people that put all their effort into their looks need someone too

It depends on what they do to themselves if they paint them selves orange and wear frosty pink make up I would rather jump off a bridge than look at them.

Some people believe that their body is a canvass or an empty room and they take advantage of that. I like people who do this not because they want people to say "ZOMG you look so cool" but because they want to make something interesting. If they do it well I dig it.

[Jimbean]

I attract people, yet I am one ugly motherfucker!