Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
It is time in YOUR frame of reference, but you know nothing about hers. Perhaps the postings are helping her with life and are not even holding her back. And to be honest, if I lost my boyfriend, I doubt I would be ready to move on after six months. We are talking about someone's closest companion here. It takes people years to move on. And what does "moving on" mean anyway? The mourning process is called process for a reason. It is not stagnation, but learning to cope with the absence of someone and the duration of this learning process depends on too many things for anyone to judge how long is too long.



Sure, but what's your point? You give advice around here and much of your advice wouldn't help me at all, and sometimes I find it even potentially counter-productive. When you give advice, it sounds like "this is what you have to do and that's that." Any rhetoric containing "strong vs. weak" is potentially damaging.

Interesting, I've run into this before. Why do you assume I am assuming I have all the answers to everything? I do not.



What you don't understand that focusing on the trauma in the moment is part of the process that will get you past the pain (or at least to a point where the pain is bearable). What you are saying is that you want the person to get the advice that you needed and never got, but you fail to see that this advice might not be what she needs. And you go as far as to accuse her of "finding an excuse to get stuck." That's arrogant and insensitive because you don't know anything about her.
I think you're over reacting a little bit, heh.

No, I don't want her to get the advice I never got, I went into detail about that to provide a possible explanation for why I might see things that way.

As for you're remark about me being insensitive because I don't know anything about her, you must not have read any of my posts to baby. A lot of what you are saying in your last post I already addressed and acknowledged.


Yes, but the point varies from person to person and greatly depends on circumstance. Who are you to say "move on" to someone you don't even know? Someone who has lost her boyfriend? That is HUGE and 6 months is not a long time.
See above.


And that is my problem: it is your "duty"? You don't even know if she WANTS to move on.
You didn't read what I wrote, did you? You seem to just be ethically provoked here. I said "If I was this girls friend", not "I am this girls friend and I know her situation and what is best for her".

See the * below.

She might need this time!
You have to accept that you don't know any better than I do. You're not her friend. You don't know the situation. As I said earlier, none of us know what the girl needs right now. See the * below.

Mourning does not mean you want empathy all the time, but it means that you need to redefine your life. It takes time. If I were her, I would tell you to stop giving advice about a state of mind that you clearly don't understand.
You should take your own advice and stop pretending like you're this girls best friend. I agree with what you say, that it takes time to redefine your life. And you have no understanding of how much I know about the state of mind we're talking to. If you disagree with me that's fine, but you do not know my level of understanding of the matter.

Health is different for different people. What makes you healthy can make me sick. That's what I am trying to make you understand.
Perhaps you should consider that I already understand that, and made my comments knowing what you are trying to say, instead of just writing me off as arrogant and insensitive - maybe you'd then actually have to interpret and digest my words, rather than "reacting" to the tone of my posts.




*

Quote Originally Posted by UDP View Post
Are you reacting towards my "tone", or towards what I said?
If you want to encourage the girl to continue posting on the site for another 6 months, great.

I'm sorry if my response triggered memories of a loss you are dealing with. Yes, it was not PC or sensitive. It was just a bit boring seeing everyone say how bad it is, how sad it is, and so on. There are other perspectives on matters, and I expressed one of them. It is not necessarily my own - primarily because, as I was writing in my response to baby, I don't know the girl - and neither do any of us - so my real take on the matter is something that I cannot construct.
If you want to argue with me because your matter of concern is different than my own, so be it. I think you are failing to see the reason I am emphasizing the perspective I presented in this thread - primarily because it is underrepresented. But whatever. You of course are free to make up your own mind.