Originally Posted by
Ritella
Hi,
I'm relatively new here.
I'm pretty positive I'm INFJ, and Eunice, I totally identify with your comments on ESTJs. I can write more about my own feelings toward them if you're interested. I actually had a train wreck of an experience with a guy I'm pretty sure was an ESTJ. It left me completely skeptical...
I also wanted to comment on the discussion about it being unlikely that a type would: 1. want to be another type, 2. dislike his/her dual's type.
I think that it's neither unlikely, nor does it imply that the person has been mistyped. I have actually experienced both. (Btw, I'm not using myself as evidence. I understand that I could be mistyped. I'm just commenting on my own experiences.)
I think that in order for either of those 2 reactions to imply a mistyping, there is an assumption that every person is very consciously aware and appreciative of his/her leading functions and desires to maximize these, while mitigating use of the others. This is not self evident to me. Particularly with INFJs, who tend to see so much potential in other people and have so much criticism for themselves, they are often unaware or completely dismissive of the (value of) their own talents. For example, I always read INTJ descriptions and think "I want to be THAT type." Just because I think I value Ti over Fi doesn't mean that I'm not actually spending the majority of my days doing Fi typical things (unbeknownst to me). And with respect to seeking out their duals, INFjs are often very set on the idea of self-sufficiency and not having "weaknesses." IMO these are both impetuses toward duality, for which admitting one's weaknesses is practically a prerequisite. (Interesting how this coincides with the age old advice on how to find true love!) Also, INFjs tend to reject what they know to be beneficial for them when their self-destructive tendencies are in full swing...
Finally, I think that it's very likely for any type to dislike descriptions of his/her dual. I can't speak from experience, but I'm of the opinion that the value of one's dual is something that can only be "felt," rather than something for which we can be cogniscant from theoretical speculation. A good analogy to this might be a career. After quitting a job that I "thought" fit me, I went to career counselling, where they recommended various careers that made me say "I can see why I could like that, but I don't think I want that." On a leap of faith, I tried one of the suggested jobs (which used a whole lot of Fi with respect to my previous, Ti dominated one). Only now that I'm in the job can I realize how natural it is to me. AND, only now that I'm beginning to grow more confident in my own self, can I appreciate and value these qualities that the work requires I demonstrate. (My thinking since childhood had been more along the lines of, "If it comes easily to me, it must be an easy skill, so then it must be worthless.") I think that my career experience may shed some light on my response to duality: though I may not be sold on the idea of my dual, I will be able to realize the value of my dual once I feel that the relationship is working in line with my most natural self.