SLI-IEE duality discussion (ISTp and ENFp)

[mikemex]

- They are generally really kind but also don't take shit from anyone.

You don't know him well then. SLIs fight to keep distance between themselves and everyone else, but that's because they don't control their emotions and are afraid of losing control. When an SLI falls in love it can be almost obsessive and can put themselves in really shitty situations. For a good reason they have IEEs as duals: they need someone who doesn't abuse them.

Kind of the same about LSEs by the way. They convey a cold image at times, but are extremely self-sacrificial and concerned more about the welfare of the people they love than their own.

[jessica129]

You don't know him well then. SLIs fight to keep distance between themselves and everyone else, but that's because they don't control their emotions and are afraid of losing control. When an SLI falls in love it can be almost obsessive and can put themselves in really shitty situations.

X 10

[Christy B]

You don't know him well then. SLIs fight to keep distance between themselves and everyone else, but that's because they don't control their emotions and are afraid of losing control. When an SLI falls in love it can be almost obsessive and can put themselves in really shitty situations. For a good reason they have IEEs as duals: they need someone who doesn't abuse them.

Kind of the same about LSEs by the way. They convey a cold image at times, but are extremely self-sacrificial and concerned more about the welfare of the people they love than their own.

Yes I do.

When they are healthy- they don't take shit from anyone.

When unhealthy yes they can be abused- I have seen this too ....

[mikemex]

I'm sorry but you're wrong if you assume that simply because you hang out with a person you have him/her figured out completely. You can spend years in a relationship and only know one side of a person. Happens more frequently than you can imagine, usually when your relationship revolves around something external and not the person itself.

[Lobo]

You don't know him well then. SLIs fight to keep distance between themselves and everyone else, but that's because they don't control their emotions and are afraid of losing control. When an SLI falls in love it can be almost obsessive and can put themselves in really shitty situations. For a good reason they have IEEs as duals: they need someone who doesn't abuse them.

Kind of the same about LSEs by the way. They convey a cold image at times, but are extremely self-sacrificial and concerned more about the welfare of the people they love than their own.

I don't get why you need to be defending SLI's this way, considering that it can be just as abusive for someone to be in a relationship with the above mentioned. The NF desire to not give up emotionally on someone they care about can result in a very shitty (and abusive) situation if the person who they give themselves to "fights to keep the distance between themselves and everyone else."

Also, I don't see why SLI would need an IEE, or the whole "duality needing" thing. Someone that puts themself in a shitty situation, just needs to stop doing it. Someone that pushes people away for distance needs to stop doing it if they want a close relationship with someone else, otherwise the other person should just move on. Why help people with things that only they can fully achieve by themselves? as opposed to only superficially do it with the "help" of someone else. Some things people just have to figure out on their own, otherwise they will end up giving off a vibe of something that they are not, by just saying or doing the things that they are "supposed" to be saying or doing instead of actually meaning it.

[tiny_dancer]

Yup, gonna have to agree with that. Everyone has to go through a difficult period of opening up to their significant other. It's not like SLIs are the only ones in that boat.

[JuJu]

I don't get why you need to be defending SLI's this way, considering that it can be just as abusive for someone to be in a relationship with the above mentioned. The NF desire to not give up emotionally on someone they care about can result in a very shitty (and abusive) situation if the person who they give themselves to "fights to keep the distance between themselves and everyone else."

Also, I don't see why SLI would need an IEE, or the whole "duality needing" thing. Someone that puts themself in a shitty situation, just needs to stop doing it. Someone that pushes people away for distance needs to stop doing it if they want a close relationship with someone else, otherwise the other person should just move on. Why help people with things that only they can fully achieve by themselves? as opposed to only superficially do it with the "help" of someone else. Some things people just have to figure out on their own, otherwise they will end up giving off a vibe of something that they are not, by just saying or doing the things that they are "supposed" to be saying or doing instead of actually meaning it.

I agree with this... A ENFp who doesn't want to give up on a ISTp who's 'fighting to keep distance' seems to be a pretty common relationship aftermath... I imagine that most ppl learn to deal with what you're talking about by themselves, through trial-and-error.

Like Cyclops said in another thread, I think that it's related to maturity as much as type--for both the ENFp and the ISTp. I'm too young to have witnessed this maturation in most of my friends--any of my friends haha--but I imagine that as ISTps mature, they fight less to keep that distance. ENFps let certain ppl drop more easily... Anyone have any perspective on this?

I had an experience last year where, after breaking up w/ a SLI, I tried to remain friends. It was the most tense damn thing, lol... Didn't last long either--after about a month, we said a bunch of mean things to each other then just let it drop... It sucked.

A few months ago, I found out that this ex is in trouble. I wrote a nice letter, hoping to help... As expected, never heard back--and honestly, I wonder if it did..? The thing is: I can just as easily imagine a nice letter making an unhealthy SLI feel tortured as good.

This situation probably isn't representative b/c the SLI in question hasn't been very healthy in awhile... Ppl go through phases, obviously. Maybe someone will relate to it though, who knows?

[kensi]

I agree with this... A ENFp who doesn't want to give up on a ISTp who's 'fighting to keep distance' seems to be a pretty common relationship aftermath... I imagine that most ppl learn to deal with what you're talking about by themselves, through trial-and-error.

Like Cyclops said in another thread, I think that it's related to maturity as much as type--for both the ENFp and the ISTp. I'm too young to have witnessed this maturation in most of my friends--any of my friends haha--but I imagine that as ISTps mature, they fight less to keep that distance. ENFps let certain ppl drop more easily... Anyone have any perspective on this?

I had an experience last year where, after breaking up w/ a SLI, I tried to remain friends. It was the most tense damn thing, lol... Didn't last long either--after about a month, we said a bunch of mean things to each other then just let it drop... It sucked.

A few months ago, I found out that this ex is in trouble. I wrote a nice letter, hoping to help... As expected, never heard back--and honestly, I wonder if it did..? The thing is: I can just as easily imagine a nice letter making an unhealthy SLI feel tortured as good.

This situation probably isn't representative b/c the SLI in question hasn't been very healthy in awhile... Ppl go through phases, obviously. Maybe someone will relate to it though, who knows?

I think that a lot of SLIs may feel that they are stalked by someone as this seems to be areoccurring theme with a coupl of them that i've known in various age categories. If so, i can only postulate that it has something to do with the fact that their Ne works in the background of their psyche suggesting that there is an Fi manifestation around the corner....hell if i know though.

I've been in 2 SLI relationships both lasting about a month, one lots of contact and the second rather long distance. The first one there was a real almost spiritual connection there and things were going great except i was the idiot at that point in time trying to keep this psychological distance at the beginning and i ruined it. In the 2nd, there were some hidden motives i think and character flaws which indicated that non-personality type wise this probably wasn't goin to work out.

I think that activity relationships are far easier to start than dual relationships (but not better in the long run).