SLI-IEE duality discussion (ISTp and ENFp)

[bobbybeam]

yeah, that's exactly how I was before! Because most guys really DO care if you seem even a bit too friendly. It's really challenged a lot of my basic life assumptions, being with this guy. Our fights are rather funny. We fought for an hour once when I asked if I was "special" and he said "no, you're normal." He meant "normal" as a compliment. So yeah, that's why I think it's more that he's clueless vs. trying to do anything bad.

I really don't think all SLIs are very flirty though. I think most are pretty shy and loyal, so if anything IEEs would be the big flirts in comparison.

But one of my SLI female friends does still hit on guys when she drinks and I know she doesn't mean anything by it (and it really pisses off her INTp bf). So she tries not to, but I can tell she isn't thinking it means anything.

But these are all random thoughts, so take it all w/ many grains of salt.

i like the thought of the relationship being fun in a sense. that relieves me of such a burden. i seem to feel like i HAVE to take relationships seriously and this seriousness stresses me out!

so it is very good to hear from an IEE who's dating an SLI that he does this. this is all very interesting. "grain of salt"-yes, but i prefer others perspectives and their incites...do you find yourself as an IEE asking/taking many people's perspectives/opinions (that are vastly different) into consideration before making your own decision?

this helps make socionics more real to me. i like knowing about the interaction...about the actual subject and the variety w/in the subject..in this case SLI's-- some can be flirtatious and if so they do it in this way w/ this intention and then others may not, but they are all loyal...2 extremes and then a center ground. very cool

[Park]

where do you like the size? cause i got some size in some places that i didn't realize did it for some guys :wink:

LOL

[jessica129]

There's been too many times when guys mistake my shyness as me flirting with them. I tend to laugh out of nervousness and once you laugh with a guy, they think you're basically inviting them into your pants.

[Morcheeba]

There's been too many times when guys mistake my shyness as me flirting with them. I tend to laugh out of nervousness and once you laugh with a guy, they think you're basically inviting them into your pants.

So true, it always gets me that guys suddenly think you're being all cutesy and flirty with them when they crack a joke.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

I've been told that i'm flirtatious, don't see it though, I see myself as just being friendly.

[tiny_dancer]

Oh, good. I'm glad other people get their actions mistaken. Happens to me a lot. I guess people just want something to happen, so they're willing to take anything at all as a positive sign.

[Cyrano]

There's been too many times when guys mistake my shyness as me flirting with them. I tend to laugh out of nervousness and once you laugh with a guy, they think you're basically inviting them into your pants.

Very funny, you make me laugh.

[Satan]

There's been too many times when guys mistake my shyness as me flirting with them. I tend to laugh out of nervousness and once you laugh with a guy, they think you're basically inviting them into your pants.

haha

[Suz]

SLIs!!

Basically after familiarizing myself with the descriptions/photos of SLIs, I went out today basically telling myself to look for who I consider the sexiest man in the room.

Spotted one definite SLI @ the gym! Then, stopped by a mongolian BBQ restaurant (the kind where you pick out raw ingredients and the cooks fry it for you), and one of the guys cooking gave me an SLI vibe!

Had eye contact with both, and a little smile and splash of attention (by body language)from the cook (I think he got a kick out of how much of the spices I chose--my creation did end up a bit overspiced).the guy at the gym was off in the distance and doing sit ups (I was on the treadmill), but our eyes met.

Now how to actually "meet" them, that is the next question.

Gotta keep my eyes PEELED!! How did I not notice this before?? The sexies are EVERYWHERE!!!

[munenori2]

Then, stopped by a mongolian BBQ restaurant (the kind where you pick out raw ingredients and the cooks fry it for you)

If you weren't set on an SLI I would marry you right now.

[Suz]

If you weren't set on an SLI I would marry you right now.

well i have an open mind. . .

And who knows. . .I may be totally off on all the types (including my own). I suppose such is the downside with socionics.

[munenori2]

well i have an open mind. . .

bowchickawowwow :wink:

[Suz]

bowchickawowwow :wink:

I didn't realize that mongolian restaurants can be the key to some guys' hearts.

[munenori2]

For me, it's pretty much like you have my key, credit cards, and social security number.

[jessica129]

Oh I hate Mongolian BBQ. It seems really overrated. The amount of food they give you is overwhelming and it just tastes like overly salted cardboard. Won't find me there, sorry.

[munenori2]

Oh I hate Mongolian BBQ. It seems really overrated. The amount of food they give you is overwhelming and it just tastes like overly salted cardboard. Won't find me there, sorry.

NO WAY! Seriously, how can you go wrong with fresh meats, veggies, and free reign on spices/sauces/seasonings? Experiment, go on a culinary adventure! Find your inner allie!

Are you ok, Jessica? Do you want to talk?

[jessica129]

It just doesn't excite my tastebuds at all. I dunno..when I go for fast food, I'm more all about greasy, all american foods...like In N Out. I don't know how i'll survive without them if I ever move back to the midwest.

[Suz]

For me, it's pretty much like you have my key, credit cards, and social security number.

Wow, I'm impressed!! I really didn't know it meant that much to you!

NO WAY! Seriously, how can you go wrong with fresh meats, veggies, and free reign on spices/sauces/seasonings? Experiment, go on a culinary adventure! Find your inner allie!

Are you ok, Jessica? Do you want to talk?

Are you sure you're not SLI? Are you IEE? or LSE?


Interestingly, I just went in there on a whim, on my way home from the gym. The last time I went there a few years ago, my dish ended up awful, so I avoided places like that.

but this time it was actually pretty good (other than just being too overspiced, which was fixed by just eating it with a whole lot of rice, like a chutney).

[munenori2]

Are you sure you're not SLI? Are you IEE? or LSE?

Interestingly, I just went in there on a whim, on my way home from the gym. The last time I went there a few years ago, my dish ended up awful, so I avoided places like that.

but this time it was actually pretty good (other than just being too overspiced, which was fixed by just eating it with a whole lot of rice, like a chutney).

def not LSE or IEE, but SLI would be on my type list if I weren't such a nonchalant impractical nonplanner. About all my life goals are at this point is to find a job where I can work with my hands and provides enough for me to make some babies with someone smart, novel, and gives me enough space. That and I can't fix cars. Therefore, not SLI.

[Suz]

def not LSE or IEE, but SLI would be on my type list if I weren't such a nonchalant impractical nonplanner. About all my life goals are at this point is to find a job where I can work with my hands and provides enough for me to make some babies with someone smart, novel, and gives me enough space. That and I can't fix cars. Therefore, not SLI.

My understanding was that SLIs are nonplanners, and can be pretty nonchalant. But true they are practical. As far as I know. They also like to work with their hands (they dont necessarily all like working with cars) and they like space. I think you should put it on your list.

[tiny_dancer]

The SLIs I know live in their own time zone, unless it comes to fulfilling an obligation like showing up to work on time, or helping out a friend.

That being said, I think your avatar says SEI, wacky, fun subtype. My fav <3. Pity my SEI sister isn't in Kansas City anymore. You guys would have so much fun together.

[Suz]

Yeah if that's you in the avatar, I agree with SEI actually.

Gotta keep my eyes peeled for you guys too.

[consentingadult]

[Nowisthetime]

They have their own interior design show in Sweden. They are a couple. I've always thought of them as IEE (guy to the left, white shirt) and SLI (guy to the right).

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Ahh it's a gay man with a pink shirt, long hair and a british accent lmao.

I dated a guy that looked like the guy on the right once. We were soooo alike, so you're probably right.

I looove to tease/make fun of guys like that in gay chat rooms.

[humblepie]

OK good. cause that's how i prefer it too. Though I have told him (in an email) that i found him intriguing. I hope that didn't scare him off. He never responded to that.

that probably scared him alright. one thing i've learned over the past few years (and i spent 3 years chasing my mr.istp- literally pinning him to the floor and kissing the face off him) is that writing to him about how you feel is a waste of time. it's better to bite the bullet, pull your socks up and tell him straight out no nonsense what you think of him, he may have reasons that seem logical to him why he wouldn't date you and you should listen to what these reasons are and address them. he may feel that he can't trust you because of your natural openess and knows that if he trusts you and you let him down he will be hurt badly, because he likes you so much he can see the potential for pain and disappointment.

[humblepie]

what are some relationship problems that arise in SLI/IEE dualities? How have have you guys overcome them?

problems i have been having with my sli have been

1.him mistaking my openess for untrustworthyness.
2. me mistaking his attempts at constructive critisicisms as verbal abuse and throwing his xbox out the window in a violent outburst of rage.
3. his inability to give criticism in a constructive manner, shouting and pointing your finger in my face and calling me useless and retarded isn't the way to go.
4. my inability to stand back from the situation and see it logically and coming to the wrong conclusions.
5. him judging my behaviour and writing me off as bad which makes him withdraw which causes me to get more emotional and lonely and causes me to lash out and throw things like a child looking for attention and going about it in a negative way. like a child with a cold and distant parent any attention is better than no attention.
6. him not listening to me.
7. me not listening to him.
8. him having his mind closed to anything i have to teach him.
9. me being too afraid of having to deal with taking an honest look in the mirror and the inevitable consequence of that is having to actually get up off my arse and change things. he points everything out that i am doing wrong and puts it in such a heartless cruel way that i have an excuse to fight back and make him the bad guy instead of me. but i am learning i need to ignore the way he says things and try to concentrate on the content and realise that his motive for pointing out my mistakes is that he wants the best for me.
10. my procrastination in sitting him down and explaining things openly and candidly.

i was reading that Fi is my second function and my creative function. i read that your creative function doesn't work so good when it is challenged or criticised, i was thinking was it because i sense how much an sli despises love and affection and any talk of love makes them feel uncomfortable that maybe he makes me feel embarrased about my tendency to dwell on love and i feel inhibited when i am around him because i feel i'm not being my true self?

i've been with my sli for about 2 years with 3 years of me chasing him and pleading with him to give things a go. it's make or break time now and i would love to hear from anyone who has gone beyond this point and come out the other side. i feel like i can see where i have been going wrong and have stepped back somewhat and can see where he is going wrong and so am a bit more hopeful now because of that but i still live in dread that we wont figure it all out and that we have alot of history that is standing in the way. i just hope he will be able to get it and one day understand that this shit is worth fighting for and worth the effort of understanding.

[Suz]

that probably scared him alright. one thing i've learned over the past few years (and i spent 3 years chasing my mr.istp- literally pinning him to the floor and kissing the face off him) is that writing to him about how you feel is a waste of time. it's better to bite the bullet, pull your socks up and tell him straight out no nonsense what you think of him, he may have reasons that seem logical to him why he wouldn't date you and you should listen to what these reasons are and address them. he may feel that he can't trust you because of your natural openess and knows that if he trusts you and you let him down he will be hurt badly, because he likes you so much he can see the potential for pain and disappointment.

I had no choice but to write. I live in a different city now, and i didn't have any other way of communicating with him at the time (and i didn't muster the courage until after i moved). But i think you're right, he probably had reasons that seemed logical to him regarding that, including that i moved away. :frown:

[Words]

Take a contract out on em!

[Suz]

Take a contract out on em!

Not that i would do such a thing regardless but, i've made peace with the whole situation at this point. If he's happy with her, then I'm happy for him. If he's not happy with her, well then he is aware of how i feel about him and he's free to try to re-initiate things. If the latter, then the longer he waits, the more he is risking my feelings fading (they already have quite a bit) and me finding someone else I like better.

[3RainbowSprinkles]

I think the best way to nab a SLI is to keep all interest for him verbally inside. Talk to him a lot, flirt, touch, gaze longingly...and snap! right in the trap >:] I think once an IEE starts to do those things that come naturally to them (ie write romantic poems/e-mails, being straightforward about their 'love' or 'liking') then they SLI in question might get scared off. When in doubt, throw out a compliment about all the things you like about them. Also...it's probably smarter to take things REALLY slowly. It's kinda like hunting...you have to stand, wait, and watch and get closer REALLY SLOWWWW. Then let them do the pouncing...cuz of course, YOU are the bait.

I know they're super sexy...but try to keep it in the pants. (really hard, I know.)

Just a piece of advice for IEEs, if you need an outlet to talk about your love and longing for him...that's what best friends are for. Let it all out there. :]

Don't let it get you down. SLIs can be real...A*holes sometimes. Keep up ur positivity cuz there's a lot of good ones out there.

[Suz]

I think the best way to nab a SLI is to keep all interest for him verbally inside. Talk to him a lot, flirt, touch, gaze longingly...and snap! right in the trap >:] I think once an IEE starts to do those things that come naturally to them (ie write romantic poems/e-mails, being straightforward about their 'love' or 'liking') then they SLI in question might get scared off. When in doubt, throw out a compliment about all the things you like about them. Also...it's probably smarter to take things REALLY slowly. It's kinda like hunting...you have to stand, wait, and watch and get closer REALLY SLOWWWW. Then let them do the pouncing...cuz of course, YOU are the bait.

I know they're super sexy...but try to keep it in the pants. (really hard, I know.)

Just a piece of advice for IEEs, if you need an outlet to talk about your love and longing for him...that's what best friends are for. Let it all out there. :]

Don't let it get you down. SLIs can be real...A*holes sometimes. Keep up ur positivity cuz there's a lot of good ones out there.

I know, and that's exactly what i was doing when i was around him. I could only verbalize the feelings when i realized i lost him. Thanks for the chin up. It all happened a good 6-7 months ago, and even though its still a painful memory, the intensity of it is fading and I finally have come to a point where I feel I am able to accept someone else into my heart. Been around a few SLIs lately but no candidates as of yet (either married, too old, or too young). But I guess each interaction brings me closer to finding my soul mate.

[3RainbowSprinkles]

poor baby...I can really relate to what your saying. My SLI and I have been together for about 7 years on and off. We broke up three times, first spending a few months apart, next time a few weeks, then finally a year apart. Ever since we got back together the final time, things have been so much better than the first time we were together. Even by duality standards (in an article written about the steps of duality) it said that dual pairs after having a lot of time together will feel a need to be together again, like a magnet, over time. It was really amazing that we did experience it just like it was written! Just food for thought that distance just might make the heart grow fonder.

Anyway, the first round we were young and in love, but with more problems that was worth dealing with. I mean, since we were so young we had time to deal with these things--I don't know how we even got through it. There was a lot of cheating and yelling and insulting--so it really sounds like you and your SLI are suffering from poor communication. It's no easy task making a relationship work--there will be hard times and good times. You shouldn't think of this time that you have together with him "make or break" because usually that happens when you've gotten together and broken up so many times that there's gotta be a point where it is "make or break"...you guys are still a new couple...If you guys DO need to spend time apart or do end up breaking up, if it is meant to be it will happen. I PROMISE.

There were so many times that I questioned my relationship with him and if the pain was worth it. In the end I felt like it was and I don't know what it would have felt like for it to not have been worth it. I hope that my experiences help put you a little at ease. Just wanted you to know that I've been there. I feel you should try hard, but not at the expense of yourself and keep in mind that love is blind.

__________________________________________________ __________

@iannau From the tone of ur response I feel like you are aggravated by the way that I interpret the readings. I am in turn equally aggravated that you're trying to ask me to re-read articles like I didn't understand it the first time--even insinuating that I haven't read them at all. i don't know your life or what relationships you share with people, but when I talk about "true love" and duality I'm merely applying the theory to my life. I know maybe you find it more interesting to reiterate what was written by others who wrote information about this topic but in my life (having met many duals and having one in particular who holds a special place in my heart) the theory of duality in real life FEELS like real love to me. I don't think its an intellectual crime to talk about how this theory applies to me in real life.

besides...the way you make it sound of course an incomplete person cannot have anyone dual or not "complete" them...but i definitely feel as though my partner adds another spectrum to my life that I don't have on my own. Isn't that the whole point of duals? one is able to tickle the weaker function of the other and vice versa? That, to me, seems like some sort of completeness.

finally, isn't the whole point of studying these things so that we can use it to better our lives in addition to/as well as/both talking about it and analyzing it? jeeze. http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ilies/madg.gif

[3RainbowSprinkles]

But I guess each interaction brings me closer to finding my soul mate.

<3

[Skeptic]

But I guess each interaction brings me closer to finding my soul mate.

Or further away. It depends on how good you are at fooling yourself .

[Suz]

Or further away. It depends on how good you are at fooling yourself .

What?? Explain.

[mikemex]

It's a matter of energy expenditure: all relationships requiere you to invest energy on them, but the more compatible two persons are, the less energy you'll be spending to keep things running. If you pick up a person who takes a lot of energy to get along with, it is far more likely that you'll get restless over time and make a serious mistake down the road.

Contrary to what some people are saying, the true value of Socionics lies in its ability to guide you on whom you should establish relationships with and who shouldn't. It might sound harsh, but unless Socionics becomes widespread and just about everyone knows about it, there are some types you should definitely avoid.

Duality is the way to go. But you have to keep in mind that there is a diference between possesing potential and actually realizing such potential. I have the impression from my observations since I started typing people years ago, that perhaps not even half of the members of a type are mentally healthy. Perhaps many of them come from families with negative relationships such as conflicting or supervision and this people have been subjected to so much stress that they are irreversibly trastorned. They don't become serial murderers but are probably unable to build healthy relationships with others.

@humblepie: As an IEE, I tend to perceive healthy SLIs as easy going. If you're having a lot of trouble then something's fishy. If he thown his own xbox out of the window out of anger, I believe it's a good call for you to think about things twice. He shouldn't be so critical of you either because the shortcomings of your type aren't particularily stressful for your dual. I'm thinking that you're not really with an SLI, but with a quiet SLE and that would make the relationship one of superego instead of duality.

[humblepie]

poor baby...I can really relate to what your saying. My SLI and I have been together for about 7 years on and off. We broke up three times, first spending a few months apart, next time a few weeks, then finally a year apart. Ever since we got back together the final time, things have been so much better than the first time we were together. Even by duality standards (in an article written about the steps of duality) it said that dual pairs after having a lot of time together will feel a need to be together again, like a magnet, over time. It was really amazing that we did experience it just like it was written! Just food for thought that distance just might make the heart grow fonder.

Anyway, the first round we were young and in love, but with more problems that was worth dealing with. I mean, since we were so young we had time to deal with these things--I don't know how we even got through it. There was a lot of cheating and yelling and insulting--so it really sounds like you and your SLI are suffering from poor communication. It's no easy task making a relationship work--there will be hard times and good times. You shouldn't think of this time that you have together with him "make or break" because usually that happens when you've gotten together and broken up so many times that there's gotta be a point where it is "make or break"...you guys are still a new couple...If you guys DO need to spend time apart or do end up breaking up, if it is meant to be it will happen. I PROMISE.

There were so many times that I questioned my relationship with him and if the pain was worth it. In the end I felt like it was and I don't know what it would have felt like for it to not have been worth it. I hope that my experiences help put you a little at ease. Just wanted you to know that I've been there. I feel you should try hard, but not at the expense of yourself and keep in mind that love is blind.

__________________________________________________ __________

@iannau From the tone of ur response I feel like you are aggravated by the way that I interpret the readings. I am in turn equally aggravated that you're trying to ask me to re-read articles like I didn't understand it the first time--even insinuating that I haven't read them at all. i don't know your life or what relationships you share with people, but when I talk about "true love" and duality I'm merely applying the theory to my life. I know maybe you find it more interesting to reiterate what was written by others who wrote information about this topic but in my life (having met many duals and having one in particular who holds a special place in my heart) the theory of duality in real life FEELS like real love to me. I don't think its an intellectual crime to talk about how this theory applies to me in real life.

besides...the way you make it sound of course an incomplete person cannot have anyone dual or not "complete" them...but i definitely feel as though my partner adds another spectrum to my life that I don't have on my own. Isn't that the whole point of duals? one is able to tickle the weaker function of the other and vice versa? That, to me, seems like some sort of completeness.

finally, isn't the whole point of studying these things so that we can use it to better our lives in addition to/as well as/both talking about it and analyzing it? jeeze. http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ilies/madg.gif

you might have misunderstood me. the relationship isn't new. we've been on and off for a long time. i've known him for nearly 10 years. i wanted to share the problems we have had to see if other people have had the same issues and how they have overcome them. i really do think we can overcome these problems but the first step is recognising what the problems are. i know now where i have gone wrong and feel in a much better position to deal with things. we have been forced by financial reasons to live under the same roof as one another and i think this has helped to bring things to a head which i think is a good thing. we both have a tendency to sweep things under the rug but it is impossible for us to do so now. he saw the fact that we were fighting as a sign that things wont work out and i see it as a natural and necessary progression in the developement of our relationship. i do think that maybe some time apart would help too though for him to see how crappy his life would be without me( that isn't me being bigheaded that is me being realistic) i had to fight for him and am all too aware of what i would be losing if he wasn't in my life but he hasn't realised just how lucky he is to have me yet.

[Suz]

It's a matter of energy expenditure: all relationships requiere you to invest energy on them, but the more compatible two persons are, the less energy you'll be spending to keep things running. If you pick up a person who takes a lot of energy to get along with, it is far more likely that you'll get restless over time and make a serious mistake down the road.

Contrary to what some people are saying, the true value of Socionics lies in its ability to guide you on whom you should establish relationships with and who shouldn't. It might sound harsh, but unless Socionics becomes widespread and just about everyone knows about it, there are some types you should definitely avoid.

Duality is the way to go. But you have to keep in mind that there is a diference between possesing potential and actually realizing such potential. I have the impression from my observations since I started typing people years ago, that perhaps not even half of the members of a type are mentally healthy. Perhaps many of them come from families with negative relationships such as conflicting or supervision and this people have been subjected to so much stress that they are irreversibly trastorned. They don't become serial murderers but are probably unable to build healthy relationships with others.

@humblepie: As an IEE, I tend to perceive healthy SLIs as easy going. If you're having a lot of trouble then something's fishy. If he thown his own xbox out of the window out of anger, I believe it's a good call for you to think about things twice. He shouldn't be so critical of you either because the shortcomings of your type aren't particularily stressful for your dual. I'm thinking that you're not really with an SLI, but with a quiet SLE and that would make the relationship one of superego instead of duality.

I completely agree with you on all your points.

The only thing i would put in a different way would be the part about the less than half of people of a certain type you come across as being "mentally healthy". The reason why is because none of us live in a bubble. Throughout our lives most of us are exposed to people/relationships that are a challenge to deal with, or situations (like a certain type of profession/job) that require one to resort to and develop weak functions. I dont think that makes one mentally unhealthy or an unhealthy version of a type. And I think that until someone is dualized, their behavior will reflect this, hence the "majority" or "unhealthy" types that you are seeing in your experience. It isn't necessarily a bad thing though, and i dont think it keeps one from experiencing duality with their duals. When newly with a dual it might take a little while to let down all those "barriers," once you recognize it's safe. Which is probably why Aushra says every time you interact with a dual it increases the chances of finding another dual (because you become more recognizable to them, and vice versa).

[jewels]

we worked everything out and my ISTp and I got married