Tormented by ISTp's need for solitude

[mikemex]

There are many psychologically hurt SLIs out there. I know many and as far as I can tell you, only the ones with a stable family are nice to be around in the long run.

It seems to me that those who are used to be alone, to have superficial relationships with others, specially if young, tend to have this characteristics:

* Have little to no tolerance to what they dislike. So if their wishes are compromised, they tend to abandon the person or situation which forces them to choice.
* Too focused on immediate gratification.
* Low self esteem, which causes many things, but I've observed from close that they feel threatened if they are challenged in an area they consider themselves experts in.

It's like if they largely lack maturity and manifests itself as a lack of social skills. For any relationship to work, one must be always willing to give up on a part of oneself. It is simply impossible to have healthy relationships with other people if you go on with an "my way, or the highway" attitude. It's probably why I've observed that those in stable families do it much better: having a family teaches you tolerance, patience, etc.

I can only explain this by recalling what Kiersey says about ISTPs: when under stress they behave like a negative version of ENFJ.

[meatburger]

There are many psychologically hurt SLIs out there. I know many and as far as I can tell you, only the ones with a stable family are nice to be around in the long run.

yeah man I have to agree. My friend has always been on the low end of the social scale. Hes a ginga (ginger hair) and used to get into heaps of fights. He just has something about him that annoys people. Because of this he has anger management problems and has emotional problems as he feels people abandon him. When we were younger and he was being a tool i would choose my other friends over him which may have indefinately made him not trust me. He will just start talking really loud and get angry a lot of the time. I know an ENFp who's ISTp boyfriend is a bit of a bogan, but ever since hes got her hes really come into his own. Successful head chef and happy bloke.

Sometimes i worry that perhaps i am not ENFp enough. I mean if being around you're dual a lot heals you what the hell does living with a conflictor do?

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Sometimes i worry that perhaps i am not ENFp enough. I mean if being around you're dual a lot heals you what the hell does living with a conflictor do?

I am sure you are 100% ENFp.

Conflictor relation is more of a stalemate..both your strong points cancel each other out.

Conflictor not as damaging as supervisor. Supervisor gets to your weak points even if you have a good family and are secure.

You can only do your best dude. Maybe you could try talk to him. It might not help of course, but if your reaching the stage of not wanting to be his friend anymore. Maybe if you talk to him he'll open up. If not at least you tried. The way things are, it's will get worse for your friend as time goes by.

What do you think?

[meatburger]

Aww shucks guys lol. I certianlly can talk to him but its just one thing after another with us. He needs a girlfriend who likes him pronto. Until this happens hes a lost cause i think. He just smokes so much weed aswell, gotta be affecting his brain somehow.

About conflictor yeah you're probablly right. Im my mums supervisor and i think im pretty nice to her most of the time. My dad criticises me basically every day. I think its turned me into less of a happy-go lucky ENFp and more of a fiery serious one. WTF MY SUBWAY HAS OLIVES IN IT I DIDN'T ASK FOR OLIVES AWWW FUCK. THAT GIRL IS EVIL HELLSPAWN (oops back on track).

I would love to have a good ISTp friend. I think having a common interest / something to do would go a far way towards it. Anyway sorry Ruski i dont know what advice to give you lol. Just might have to have fun with him when he wants to and hang around others when he wants to do his own thing.

[mikemex]

It must suck to have an LSI parent. I have an LII parent and that's too much psychological pressure already. He criticizes me on a daily basis also...

I think it's very difficult for an IEE to keep an SLI friend for long unless there are external factors to keep them together. I know a lot of SEE/SLI friendships, but duality is quite rare I think. SLI like ideas and stuff, but it's not their strength to handle the abstract ones and get restless quickly. I think it's far easier for an IEE to adapt to the SLI's way of life than SLI to adapt to IEE's way of life.

[leckysupport]

It must suck to have an LSI parent. I have an LII parent and that's too much psychological pressure already. He criticizes me on a daily basis also...

I think it's very difficult for an IEE to keep an SLI friend for long unless there are external factors to keep them together. I know a lot of SEE/SLI friendships, but duality is quite rare I think. SLI like ideas and stuff, but it's not their strength to handle the abstract ones and get restless quickly. I think it's far easier for an IEE to adapt to the SLI's way of life than SLI to adapt to IEE's way of life.

yeah, your life is so hard.

[Topaz]

yeah, your life is so hard.

I miss our "lol" icon. I used to think ISTPs were easy going but they arent. They have to have so many things their way, even the relatively healthy ones. ENFPs on the other hand readily adjust to other people but only for short periods of time. Then they move on, changing with each new invironment. Inside we are always the same people though. I have many friends who come to me and say "How come you havent been around? Where have you been?" Like the phone only works one way, or like they cant come and visit me (they cant really, but I never told them they cant). I realize that I trained them to expect me to behave that way so I dont get too upset. So I decided not to feel guilty about not being in peoples faces all the time. If they want me, they can call me. If they dont call then they get to see me when I feel like it. SLIs are usually the ones I call only now and then or I meet them in places I frequent. If they are in a funky mood I move on. I havent seen that it does any good to worry about them or try to pull them out of their moods, try to fix them, help them or whatever. It seems unlikely that I would marry a person like that but I havent met many avalaible ISTP women so I cant be sure.

[force my hand]

Sometimes i worry that perhaps i am not ENFp enough. I mean if being around you're dual a lot heals you what the hell does living with a conflictor do?

Think about it, though - we have an internal conflict going on 24/7, so it's not surprising that people (even if they are our duals) can be at each others' throats.

Plus the fact that he's a dude and not a chick might have something to do with it.

[xyz]

Meatburger, you're ENFp enough man. Just by what you've told me i'd want to take a stroll through Australia.


(Btw, there sure have been a few SLI's here lately. Awesome)