Tormented by ISTp's need for solitude

[RusskiENFP]

I've had to get used to my ISTP friend's need to disappear into the woodwork for days at a time, but it's starting to wear on me. His introversion DRIVES ME INSANE.

We have so much fun when we hang out--I love how his mind works. I've even accepted the fact that he answers all my questions with questions. But after a day of hanging out, I want to rehash how very fun indeed the fun was, but he just curls up into his little introverted cave and I don't hear from him for days, which feel like eternities. What's an ENFP to do?

[consentingadult]

I've had to get used to my ISTP friend's need to disappear into the woodwork for days at a time, but it's starting to wear on me. His introversion DRIVES ME INSANE.

We have so much fun when we hang out--I love how his mind works. I've even accepted the fact that he answers all my questions with questions. But after a day of hanging out, I want to rehash how very fun indeed the fun was, but he just curls up into his little introverted cave and I don't hear from him for days, which feel like eternities. What's an ENFP to do?

Accept him for what he is. It is not his responsibility to fulfill your social and emotional needs, it's yours. It's OK to ask him for attention, but if he does not feel like it, respect that and find another way to have your needs fulfilled. Your need for attention might actually be pushing him away, so give him some slack and do not emphasize what you perceive to be his inhibition.

I get the feeling something's wrong here and that either you are not ENFp or he isn't ISTp. I get the feeling you are either ENFj or INFp, or even some other ethical/feeling type.

[force my hand]

I don't know, but I sympathize with your ISTp friend. Dealing with life requires putting a lot of effort into your 'public face' (or, as The Weakerthans would say, "ironing your carefully-crafted disguise"), and we definitely need a certain measure of downtime.

[Ms. Kensington]

<3 istps.

i agree, let him be (is what to do). if you are enfp the fact that hes around and answers your calls lets you know how he feels.

[Creepy-Cyclops]

Do you think it would be possible to talk to him about how you feel

[meatburger]

edit

[jessica129]

Once you start criticizing this behavior, consider yourself written off. I never initiaite anything with anyone unless it's absolutely necessary...most of the times, if they don't initiate, you won't see me. End of story. Initiate it with him but don't criticize him for it.

[consentingadult]

Once you start criticizing this behavior, consider yourself written off. I never initiaite anything with anyone unless it's absolutely necessary...most of the times, if they don't initiate, you won't see me. End of story. Initiate it with him but don't criticize him for it.

hear hear!

[Slacker]

Yeah that's probably true. If it leads to criticism, it will make him feel *obligated* to call you. And ISTps aren't really instigators as far as get-togethers go anyway, and if any Delta feels *obligated* to do anything, it becomes really painful for them and unlikely it'll happen.

So call and arrange something sometimes, but make sure to give him his space - don't expect to see him every day, that isn't fair anyway. You said you see him every few days. I don't really see why that isn't often enough. How often do you expect to be together?

[xyz]

Slackermoms right, and with all else being said, I really don't think it's fair for other types for us to never initiate anything. Like meatburger said, it's it starts to feel a bit too one sided when you're always having beers in the same place.

[jessica129]

When I know the other person is starting to get irritated by the fact that I never initiate anything, I'll try to initiate something. I know how frustrating it is to be with someone who seems to make no effort whatsoever, but that's the beauty in E/I relations

But seriously, I think it's okay to bring it up to him that this is concerning you, but just don't make it into an arguement or a blame-fest...it'll only irritate him more and make the situation worse...you can't make someone want to spend time with you. Casually say something like "you should call more often, we should hang out more, i really like being with you, etc". And also, there's a good chance he has no idea it's irritating you. Unless someone tells me exactly what's wrong, I don't know and I assume everything is fine. Basically, just talk to him. Simple.

[istpunk]

gay sex

[Cuddly McFluffles]

Try to think of it as recharging batteries. If I wasn't working a 40 hour work week for several months, I'm really happy that I get to amass great amounts of expertise in multiple things by myself, alone for days-weeks in an apartment.

I think it's the opposite for extroverts.

*vouches for the extrovert bit* That said, that's essentially what I do. ^.^