IEEs/ENFps how do you express your love and affection?

[meatburger]

when it comes to love, i'm very reserved at first because i have a tough time with commitment. so generally, i act sort of distant at until i decide i like the person enough to want to be a little more intimate with them.

expressing how i feel is a completely different story. i do not like to talk about how i feel to people or how i feel concerning our relationship. if its a friend or family i will tell them only positive things that will not create any conflict. even if a boyfriend tells me he loves me or compliments me, reciprocating is impossible. usually i feel horrible that i have nothing to say, but i don't like to feel vulnerable or say something that i don't mean (or may change in a months time).

generally i internally feel a great deal about a person i love, i just don't say it like i should.

OMG YES! I couldn't have said it better myself. Relationships scare the tar out of me. Basically because i fear i can see the end even before they begin. I hate how they are all lovey dovey at first and then shit slowly creeps in and i get bored. Then i have to dump or perhaps be dumped. Dumping someone is a horrible feeling i dont like it at all. Ive never been close to actually meeting a chick where i think its possible we could be really long term. I really want to turn that type of corner in my mind. If i could realise that a certian chick is right for me i would be very happy indeed.

[jewels]

I vacillate a lot on this. There were some people I gave a lot of compliments to and talked about my feelings on and on. But for the most part, unless someone specifically asked me, I didn't say very much verbally. The few times I wrote notes or whatever I ended up feeling stupid. I am always very physically affectionate, non-verbal stuff and I think that says the most. Sometimes I have a hard time even saying nice things back. I used to think I was completely un-romantic because of this. But I think I just don't like gushy-ness. But maybe with the right person I'd be more gushy. Hard to tell.

[mikemex]

I'm sure that a lot of people would consider me rather dry when it comes about loving other people. I'm there for them at any time they need it, they have my attention whenever they ask for it, but beyond that, I don't think I make big displays of affection.

It's probably a thing particular of me and not type related, but I don't like that "they are looking at me" sensation. It annoys me to hell to display affection on public. I get frozen whenever a strong Fe person expresses affection toward me. I appreciate it internally, but I don't respond to that externally, so they probably get a wrong impression.

[aka-kitsune]

I get frozen whenever a strong Fe person expresses affection toward me. I appreciate it internally, but I don't respond to that externally, so they probably get a wrong impression.

This is one of my occasional difficulties with an ENFp I'm getting to know. I am strong in but often don't even realize how integral it is to my behavior. I guess I tend to look for bits of reciprocal to gauge how another feels about me. (The thought of my affection and attention being "unwanted" makes me paranoid.)

How would you respond if you really do like the person? What does it feel like internally? Warm?

[Reuben]

From what I gather generally, the ENFp aren't really good at expressing emotions. Perhaps good at evoking emotions from others, and excellent and discerning their own, but rather sub-par with expression for an F type. ENFp also seem to prefer physical administering of affection. Si dual-seeking maybe?

There are three main kinds of feelings you get when you really like a person, it's differs due to context.

1) You like a person but the person won't like you back.

This kind of feeling is like a blunt, cold stab of a knife; not particularly pain, not pleasurable definitely, but hurting in a numbing sort of way.

2) You like a person and you know the person likes you back.

This kind of feeling is warmly affirmative and strengthening. It's like a renewing fountain; the love spews out but always finds a way back in.

3) You like a person and you are trying to get the person to like you back.

This kind of feeling is a little cold, a little sparkish, like a cold shock. Every time you venture forward you have a chance of failure, thus the coldness. Whenever the person replies favorably you are warmed, every time the opposite happens, you get a cold shock.

Generally unrequitted love is cold, loss of out-flowing energy and the opposite is warm, regaining of out-flowing energy.

Don't take all this too seriously, could be crap for all we know.

(:

[Creepy-Cyclops]

From what I gather generally, the ENFp aren't really good at expressing emotions. Perhaps good at evoking emotions from others, and excellent and discerning their own, but rather sub-par with expression for an F type. ENFp also seem to prefer physical administering of affection. Si dual-seeking maybe?

There are three main kinds of feelings you get when you really like a person, it's differs due to context.

1) You like a person but the person won't like you back.

This kind of feeling is like a blunt, cold stab of a knife; not particularly pain, not pleasurable definitely, but hurting in a numbing sort of way.

2) You like a person and you know the person likes you back.

This kind of feeling is warmly affirmative and strengthening. It's like a renewing fountain; the love spews out but always finds a way back in.

3) You like a person and you are trying to get the person to like you back.

This kind of feeling is a little cold, a little sparkish, like a cold shock. Every time you venture forward you have a chance of failure, thus the coldness. Whenever the person replies favorably you are warmed, every time the opposite happens, you get a cold shock.

Generally unrequitted love is cold, loss of out-flowing energy and the opposite is warm, regaining of out-flowing energy.

Don't take all this too seriously, could be crap for all we know.

(:

I like this blueblade. It's a very informative post. I think I may have given up on love, but probably secretly still want it. Its probably why I tend to get scared of serious relationships, because love is vulnerable, do you think?

[Reuben]

Love is the most vulnerable emotion. It assumes no danger, no lies, no fear. It gives much and takes little. If everyone loves, then there will be no danger, no lies, no fear, and lots of giving. The trouble is most people don't. Not all the time.

It's like total pacifism. If all practices it, it's a win-win. But it's best not to start in a hostile world because you'd be the first to die.

Things suck like that. What do you think?

[aka-kitsune]

3) You like a person and you are trying to get the person to like you back.

This kind of feeling is a little cold, a little sparkish, like a cold shock. Every time you venture forward you have a chance of failure, thus the coldness. Whenever the person replies favorably you are warmed, every time the opposite happens, you get a cold shock.
(:

Really spot on!

Most if not all of my attractions have generally had this particular dynamic. Sometimes it's just at the beginning, and gradually warms to a genuine reciprocity, but sometimes it's been present for the entire duration.

Reminds me of a line from Oscar Wilde: "The very essence of romance is uncertainty"

[night_owl]

Ty everyone, for all your responses.....it was interesting!