Any rants/info would be appreciated.
Is it that we are not aggressive enough? Not kind/caring enough?
ENTjs, what annoys you about ISTps!
Any rants/info would be appreciated.
Is it that we are not aggressive enough? Not kind/caring enough?
Last edited by meals; 11-03-2011 at 03:29 PM.
/ ISTp / SLI / 5w4 / 594 / sp/sx
/ Lunar 12-egram /
LIE-SLI interaction
Do you know any couples in this supervision relation? Possibly male SLI, female LIE? Would it explain LIE being sort of "scared" of being themselves and walking on egg-shells around the other person? Have you seen LIE act this way in front of certain types or is it ntr at all? I find it interesting cause I think it's the first time I ever saw LIE fearing judgement, it's weird to observe. I'm not sure of the male's type, introverted sensor is all I have, although doesn't seem to be ESI as brilliantly hits it off with ILE. Doesn't seem SEI either - more rigid. I'm left with LSI and SLI and somehow SLI seems more probable...
Have you observed similar interactions?
One of my very good friends is SLI and one of my very good friends is LIE (I used to work with him)Originally Posted by aisa
SLI is quiet and witty; LIE is boisterous and sometimes outrageous, and he never stops talking (he's also extremely smart)
One time I invited LIE over to hang out with me, SLI, and some other people
The next day at work LIE was complaining about how he felt like SLI was "silently judging him" the entire time
yeah, sounds very similar to my observations. It's quite weird to see LIE subdued tbh as it's such an energetic person usually.
I agree; this guy went from mile-a-minute talking to somber, uneasy silence
supervision has that "deadening" or "dampening" effect
I've decided to make a habit of "staring down" any LII I come across; the goal is to make them feel awkward and uneasy
Man, I could write a book.
My father is SLI, I married (and divorced) an SLI, and our son is SLI.
But to summarize, Supervision is not the best relationship. It can vary from genuinely helpful and constructive to intolerable, depending, I think, on the respective subtypes of the people involved. In my own case, my ex-wife and my subtypes (Te) were favorably matched, but it still wasn't enough in the long run.
My experience with LIE's has been positive. My senior at work is an LIE. I consider him quite brilliant and envy his energy, quick thinking, and ingenuity. He'll sleep like 3 hours and go the whole day drinking an energy drink/cup of coffee seemingly every hour when there's major stuff going on but I can't criticize him for it as I do the same thing, just with far more agony, despair, and regret while he doesn't seem to mind. Never seems to have any issues with me either, considers me hardworking and reliable as he's communicated to me and is always trying to convince me of his next big marketing scheme he has going on which I patiently listen to. Really can't see how an SLI would make an LIE uncomfortable personally, at least more so than how we would make any other type uncomfortable.
In the wheelhouse of one, the other is often incompetent so the potential for disagreements and or misunderstandings is high. If roles are well defined and don't overlap as in some work situations, these two types can get along quite well. When the performance of one impacts the perceived reputation and or success of the other, these relationships can develop significant divisions; they rarely have similar perceptions, priorities, approaches, or measures of success so there will be tugs of war. This doesn't bode well for such things as the raising of a family - one may even look for reasons to be away from home.
EDIT: The main source of rifts is the LIE's seeming grandiose expectations placed on others versus the practical, get-it-done approach of the SLI. Arguments seems to revolve around different perceptions of expediency and what's-good-enough.
a.k.a. I/O
Last edited by Rebelondeck; 12-23-2020 at 01:20 PM.
I don't think I'm scared of being myself around SLI's.
but I do realise I kinda want to prove something to them. Strange.
But I notice this thing happens to my supervisee IEI's as well. My IEI friend/colleague kinda admires me and always wants to do her best and prove something to me. I'm close to SLI's and IEI's, supervision relationships are not the best, but depend on the persons, they're not that bad.
I agree with this:
The one that I bolded "I think he thinks I can't really take care of myself physically and that I should see that as a major concern" does ring a bell. Currently seeing an SLI and I don't get it he's constantly worried about me being too tired, too busy, etc. I didn't experience this with an SLE, LSI, even ESI, they actually adore me "wow she can do that" something like that.
And guess what,
just this afternoon I told my IEI colleague to take day off next week and I can cover for her because I think she's too tired.
Just things that "supervisors" do I guess.
I was standing at the edge of my property, talking to my next door neighbor. He's a broker and we're both LIEs, although he's a bit more "normal LIE" than I am. I'm LIE-1Te and he's LIE-0, I'd say. He's married to a wonderful EII and he's having a bit of trouble meshing with her, but that's a topic for another thread.
Anyway, he looked over my shoulder and said "Here comes your ex-wife."
I turned around and saw her coming towards us. She was quite a distance away. She's SLI, by the way.
"Why does she still come around?", he asked, as if staying in contact with someone you were married to once was something he'd never ever do.
"Because she loves me and she wants something", I said. And laughed.
"She and I are almost perfect matches. Equal intelligence, equal attractiveness, equal height, equal earning power, equal world-views, everything. We only broke up because she's my Supervisor and got tired of being married to an idiot."
"She's right over there. I think she can hear you." He looked incredibly uncomfortable.
"So what? It's not like she hasn't heard this before." I turned towards her. "Hi, Helen."
"Hi, Adam. Hi, Zach," she replied. "I see you've been parking cars."
I spoke for both of us. "Yep. Been making money." Zach was looking terrified. He did not want to be privy to what we might say to each other. I don't know what he expected. Maybe he's broken up with some insane GFs, IDK. But my ex and I are completely at ease with each other and can't really offend each other. As I said, we were nearly perfect matches, except for the Supervision part of things.
"Adam, I was walking by and saw you and I wondered if you could give me a ride home", she said. I gave Zach a look that said "And there it is."
"Sure. Just let me put some things away first. I'll let you two talk." And I walked away from my charming SLI ex and my terrified LIE neighbor and left them to sort out their ITR.
When I returned, a few minutes later with the car keys, Zach was smiling and was genuinely engaged in an obviously interesting conversation. My SLI ex is extremely smart, gracious, and can be very charming. He was obviously experiencing Supervision, where he just naturally admired the hell out of his Supervisor.
"What are you guys talking about?", I asked.
She said "We were just talking about how hard it is to quit smoking." Her Si to his Si-PoLR.
"Yeah. You tried seven times. It was hell." Hell on me, that is.
"But I succeeded. Now I don't even like the smell of cigarettes."
"OK, let's go. Zach doesn't have all day. Later, Zach." He was looking slightly dazed and in love, like he'd never met any woman like her before. Lol. I got her out of there before she could dissuade him of that idea.
I have to admit, I got along pretty well with her. Maybe because we are both -Te subtypes and have similar backgrounds. I also know that she's the deadest of dead ends.
Now I'm looking for an ESI whom I can click with as well. In both directions. They are so hard to find.
"Where, oh where, is my Own True Love?"
Last edited by Adam Strange; 10-23-2021 at 07:41 PM.
@Adam Strange
Some of your posts regarding your ex-wife sound a touch as though you are still in love with her. Is that an accurate assessment?
I ask as I am, unfortunately, still not over my supervisor ex myself.
@PinKDiGiT18, am I still in love with my ex? I'd say No. I mean, I get along with her pretty well and I usually like her, but I'd never in a million years consider living with her again or getting back together again.
We were friends for a long time before we slept together and that kind of means (to me, anyway) that the basis of our relationship is friendship and understanding. But I only see her about five times a year now, and I'm fine with that. If I spend more than about fifteen minutes with her, I start to remember all the bad that our marriage evolved to have, and that's definitely not good.
I remember when, late in our marriage when she had moved out and I was still thinking I was married to her and was trying to get her back, a woman I was having lunch with asked me if I WANTED her back.
Well, because I had been married for a long time, there are certain questions that you don't ask yourself in a long term marriage, and that had been one of them, but when she opened the question, I realized that the last few years of our marriage had not been good at all, and that I really DIDN'T want her back.
I filed for divorce shortly after that conversation.
Don't mistake my like for her for love. Liking and loving are not on the same axis, meaning that loving is not just liking x 10, it's something completely different. Like the direction Up and the color Red. You can like someone you don't love, and you can love someone you don't like. With my ex, it's the former.
As for you not being "over" your Supervisor ex, I wouldn't worry about it. It takes about four years to really get someone out of your system to the point where, rather than hating them, you don't care about them much at all.
That "four years" statement is for long term relationships. For short-term relationships, it's more like one year to get in, and one year to get out. This is actually why I've tried to develop my VI abilities. I'm hoping that a good ESI will be better than my ex, but I don't have 100 years in which to try out fifty ESIs.
"Better" as a person? "Better" to agree with or support you? "Better" to understand you? "Better" to tolerate your idiosyncrasies? The most well-meaning LIE may be asking too much of even a saint-worthy ESI. Duality won't likely be a vehicle with all the options that one could ever desire.
a.k.a. I/O
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