The closest friend I’ve ever had is an EII, I am probably a SLI. We met on the internet, I commented on one of her writings and we talked for some time. Then she asked me if I could read and give her my opinion about a book she wanted to publish, I said yes and from that we started emailing each other daily.
We started talking about our lives, our interests and I felt like I really found for the first time someone who could understand me. We were very similar, we had many similar experiences, similar “traumas”, similar ideas. The only strong difference between us is that she’s a lot more open about her feelings while I’m more private, but she was having such a good influence on me I began to be more open and expressive. She was also more mystical than me, she was the one who often introduced unusual topics and it was interesting talking about it.
That was great for me, it felt almost too good to be real, I often told her that our meeting was like a miracle, but things started to get a bit more complicated when I noticed she was getting a bit too affectionate. She started sending me presents for my birthday and for Christmas, she wrote poems for me, she made drawings for me, she was full of admiration for every little thing I did. I tried to reciprocate her gestures for as far as I could, even though I felt that all that situation was a bit too much.
We were into tv series, so whenever I told her I was watching something she would watch it too, if I stopped watching something she stopped it too and stuff like that. At first I liked that she listened to me so well, but I also wondered if that was what people normally do. She was getting more and more intense with her emotions and I realized she probably felt more than friendship for me, but I wanted to lie to myself and think she was only very friendly and I was the stupid asocial who doesn’t know what friendship is like.
That went on for around one year, at one point because of some issues at home, I wanted to spend some days away and since I had no idea where to go, I asked her if I could visit her city.
That was the first time I met her in real life and my impression was that she was trying so hard to please me, I also noticed how soft and delicate she was, I don’t know why that kinda annoyed me, probably because I’m used to be with Se-ego or at least with extrovert or simply more energetic people than me. I also thought that she was like that because she was desperately trying to please me and I’m not a fan of these type of behaviours. As a consequence, I was the one who had to propose to do stuff, who had to say “let’s go here, let’s do that”, she always asked me where I wanted to go, where I wanted to eat etc. I wanted her to give me suggestions, to guide me around her city. It was like she didn’t really want to do anything in particular and that she was there only to please me and instead of feeling grateful that disappointed me.
Anyway, after I got back home, in the afternoon she wrote to me she had something important to tell me and at that point I knew I couldn’t escape the confession. I was still grateful she was kind enough to do it in written form, I would have had no idea how to react if she had done it in person. I told her I thought of her only as a friend, she told me that we could stop emailing each other, if that made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to lose what we had, even though I was kinda disappointed and I felt she had been selfish (I know I’m horrible) because I never did anything to encourage romantic feelings, she knew I wasn’t looking for a partner and that a confession would make things awkward. Basically my perfect friendship crumbled down and made me realize that every relationships have struggles at some point. So we agreed to continue our friendship like normal.
I think we hurt each other at that time, probably I did more damage since she was the one who was more involved, but some months later it seemed we were back to normal more or less. Now, we write to each other when we have time, it feels like a normal friendship where you talk about normal things, probably my “miracle” doesn’t exist anymore but I still consider her as my closest person and the only one who can accept me even with my ugly parts.
To my defense (?), I should say I never ran away or disappeared, nor I tried to escape. Our relationship was always based on honesty and communication, so I think this helped a lot to protect what we had. People who just disappear without taking care of the problem are only immature (or don't care enough about that person)… I understand that you might feel overwhelmed and that you want some time off, but at that point you can simply say “hey, I need some alone time” instead of simply drifting away without a word.
Anyway I wonder if these relationships work so well at first because we are similar to our duals, but not really the same. Probably when I met her and felt disappointed, I was unconsciously looking for my dual and then I bumped into the fact she was not.
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Originally Posted by PinKDiGiT18
They make great friends for fun times, but at a close psychological distance arguments are inescapable.
