Understanding Fi of EIIs-INFjs and the origins of their empathy

[BlackTigress]

Holy crap. Are you my twin or something? I feel like I'm reading my own posts!

Great minds think alike.

Wow. I cannot tell you how real this is. I've been in similar spots, exactly as you have described where I was criticized for something I could have done... and I have been in that zoned out state before. I have (who I believe is) an ESI aunt who had a strong presence in my childhood who would reciprocate what I already felt which also bothered me even more into a sense of guilt.

It has not happened much in my life, but I can distinctly remember these moments which caused me to address it by "forcing" myself to be more mindful of my surroundings. It became a reactionary response to "guard" myself against it happening again because I didn't want people to have to tell me something that I already felt so strongly about. I never felt like I had the chance to say "I'm sorry, it was an honest mistake." because it was always taken as "Well, you SHOULD have been paying attention and it shouldn't have happened!"

So, yes, I have had significant episodes of guilt trips from close family members that have shaped some of why I "guard" against it happening again.

I feel like that quite often. I frequently find myself daydreaming (far more than most people), and every now and then it causes me to miss out on important information. Ironically, what I daydream about most often is me in a situation where everything is fine and I feel comfortable enough to act myself; there are no mistakes on my part, and everyone is happy with me. Dreaming of a place where I am free from mistakes sometimes causes me to actually make them since I am zoning out. It's pretty painful when that happens, because it takes so long for me to recover. If I can't even feel comfortable through daydreaming, is there ever going to be a way for me to feel at ease?

Does it bother you if people ask you how you are doing anyways?
See, I really wouldn't mind knowing everything that you wanted to say - I like hearing about everything, but I understand trust is a factor.

I assume, ideally, you'd like to be able to tell someone everything - to answer the question fully. But from what has been said here in the thread, it sounds like confidence that you won't be looked down upon or rejected is important, as well as trust that the person you are talking to actually wants to hear you. (correct me/add more if you want).

Is there a better question you'd like to be asked, as opposed to "how you are doing?" etc? Or are you comfortable with that?

I suppose it depends on the circumstances in which they ask it. If they are willing to give me time enough to gather my thoughts and feelings and attempt to sum them up in a few sentences (and be ok with it if I can't), then I actually enjoy them asking. But when they just want a robotic answer like tereg said, I'd rather them ignore me completely. I really don't like it when people talk just for the sake of talking; I want them to talk in order to gather information or to express that they care (even if they care only a little).

For me personally, it is because of these guilt situations that has driven me into hyper-awareness.

Indeed, I don't remember a day where I haven't felt guilt in some fashion, whether the guilt is justified or not. I also feel guilt a lot stronger than most people; sometimes people notice this and use that as a reason to avoid me. Sometimes they think I'm just making it up and I want attention or something. But most do not see just how much things really bother me. It's not like I feel so guilty on purpose, it's just the way I react to things.

This constant guilt trip is one of many reasons why I am not more social; why interact with people when chances are you're going to feel miserable from it? I actually like being around people, but because I'm so different, most people don't care to be around me, which leaves me feeling very alienated, which in turn makes me less social, which makes people get the wrong assumption about me, which makes me feel terrible because I'm not showing them who I really am and I am therefore being false. Sometimes I can't help but wonder why I bother at all, but I know very well that I'd be at least as miserable (if not much more) if I didn't interact at all.



I must say that I am quite pleased that you are so interested enough in what I have to say. You didn't reject me, nor did you necessarily agree with me, you just take what I say and consider it deeply, and that's really what I want the most in discussions like this. It makes me want to tell you even more about how I deal with things (in future posts; I'll stop for now to give me time to think about what I should say next).