In response to UDP's question, personally I think that INFjs aren't sure how to show things they take for granted, and so they don't... i.e.: I don't know what others take as a sense of friendship. For me, if someone's not angry at me, I'm pleased with our relationship. I don't know if they are, though. For me, it means a lot to know that I'm appreciated for who I am, and not who I should be. The greatest relationship I can have with anyone - even dating, etc - is not physical (I don't consciously expect physical things, and it mortifies me when I realize I do)... it's a mutual understanding where you don't even have to express what you feel in order for it to be known.
I'm most vulnerable in emotional situations where my feelings are out on the table waiting to be either affirmed or invalidated.
In my case, I'm often too afraid that my choices will be considered as either wrong or inappropriate. I rely on others' choices, all while holding my own personal convictions. For me, some things are passive.Originally Posted by UDP
See, I know what I mean, but it's hard to show other people that same thing without potentially hurting their feelings, or making them suspicious of some form.Originally Posted by UDP
In order to properly express my feelings, I need to know that a) either what I say direly needs to be said (if I'm angry, or someone is in danger, etc), or b) I am accepted no matter what mistakes I may make.
I completely agree... there's that element of being completely accepted that ... cannot be duplicated or changed in any way.
I do that all the time; I work in a camp kitchen and the activity is fairly bustling. Because of this, I have to force myself to "ground" myself, otherwise my mind will take an entirely different direction.Originally Posted by tereg
Exactly. For example, my father has a torn rotator cuff, which causes him a good deal of pain. Once, forgetting this, I was demonstrating how one can distribute force in his or her favour; I asked him to push on my shoulders and I would push up on his elbows, thus direction the force upwards. He wasn't sure what I was going to do, but pushed on my shoulders anyway. Anyway, he then clutched his shoulder and looked pained...Originally Posted by BlackTigress
For me, that was the most mortifying thing I'd done. I retreated, apologizing profusely, but I eventually hid and cried. No one noticed I had cried, though, and I was overwhelmed with an immense sense of guilt both that I had hurt my father, and that I took it so personally.
See, this is something I might say if I was comfortable in what I was saying, but even now I don't feel quite comfortable. I'm fairly new. I'm a lurker. And yet because UDP asks these questions, and there's a congenial atmosphere, so I contribute. Even so, in public forums it seems I put my feelings/ideas forth on a table and have to force myself to step away and not take it personally if people dissect.Originally Posted by BlackTigress