IMO selflessness is one of the secondary virtues (like loyalty). They're means to an end, not ends in themselves. Not good things to base one's entire morality on*. Blind selflessness and blind loyalty lead you astray. Perhaps that could be called "malign selflessness".Originally Posted by Cone
In a good relationship you often can't separate "selfishness" from love. The clearest example I can think of is this. If you were to see a car drive straight towards your child, you'd push it out of the way even if that meant dying yourself. (That's nothing you decide on - you just know.) Looks like selflessness? It's actually selfish - you love your child so much that you need to care for it. Doing things for it becomes one of your basic motivations. Anything you do for your baby gives you "positive reinforcement". That doesn't really fit the theory that we only love our children because we want to spread our genes. Why should I die for my child? I can always make a new one. It's more efficient to let the child die. But most parents wouldn't choose that way. The death of a child is generally regarded as the worst kind of bereavement. Many bereaved parents wish they'd had the chance to die for their child so the child could live. Urk, that sounds soppy. But it's true.
* ...BTW, the Bible doesn't base its morality on selflessness either. It sometimes asks people to do things in a selfless way, true. At other times it asks them to do things and promises lavish rewards or the fulfillment of certain needs. That is true throughout the Bible, even in the New Testament.
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