What's your style?

[Ms. Kensington]

If a man checks out a woman, it means he's human.

If a man allows a woman to see him do it, he is interacting with her. It's the same as flirting with her or hitting on her. And it is very irritating.

I don't think there's such a thing as "allowing her to see". I can understand how some people may dislike being looked at, after all, there are even people eating their own vomit or having sex with elephants on the internet, but my point is that it's not inherently bad to be seen "being human". If someone can't avoid interaction while being looked at, it only means he is wired like this, not that the observer "allows him to see". People can't go and call rude everything they dislike that others do.

no its not bad to be seen "being human"-- notice the passive voice, no agency. My particular classmate I could tell he was having some kind of fantasy about me that could only be enhanced by my involvement. By continuing this after I am involved, it's sort of "stealing"my participation.

does that make sense?

[detail]

If a man checks out a woman, it means he's human.

If a man allows a woman to see him do it, he is interacting with her. It's the same as flirting with her or hitting on her. And it is very irritating.

I don't think there's such a thing as "allowing her to see". I can understand how some people may dislike being looked at, after all, there are even people eating their own vomit or having sex with elephants on the internet, but my point is that it's not inherently bad to be seen "being human". If someone can't avoid interaction while being looked at, it only means he is wired like this, not that the observer "allows him to see". People can't go and call rude everything they dislike that others do.

no its not bad to be seen "being human"-- notice the passive voice, no agency. My particular classmate I could tell he was having some kind of fantasy about me that could only be enhanced by my involvement. By continuing this after I am involved, it's sort of "stealing"my participation.

does that make sense?

I already have mentionned that i know some people are like you (at least the way you describe how you are, in case "i know some people are like you" sounds rough), no need to repeat what it feels like to have the "intimidated by conscious fantasizing" property. I'm not saying you hallucinate the participation stealing, i'm saying the incomfort you might have regarding your impression of forced participation is not inherently caused by any happening of the described situation to anybody. For example, i don't care if it happens to me, and i know a girl who doesn't care either. There are probably more than two people that i know who are not intimidated by such behavior but since it's not a topic i often talk with people, i don't know most people's position about this. There are probably 3 general positions about the issue which are A) Intimidated, B) Apreciate it and C) Don't care. So:

People can't go and call rude everything they dislike that others do.

The implied extension of my point is that rudeness is more about going against people's refusal of giving consent than an inherent property of behaviors. For example, if you look at him in such a way that it'S clear you don't want him to continue but he does, it's rude. If you look at him and your expression doesn't change, it's not rude. Now my reply concerned Joy's saying that "allowing her to see him" is rude, which has no trace of signals sent by the hypothetical girl (And which is in some way invalid as a statement because of the ambiguity of the concept of "allowing her to see"). So her proposition is to be split in a tree where at least one of the outcome is that there's no rudeness attached to the act. Rudeness, in it's relativity, has the "doer"'s knowledge as a variable to be operated in the whole equation.

[Ms. Kensington]

agree

with "For example, if you look at him in such a way that it'S clear you don't want him to continue but he does, it's rude." but also, sure it's not rude to get caught doing it, only continue.

and we assume the imaginating is in fact happening.

[detail]

agree

Always fun to argue with you, points go across, no pride, no need of useless, endless clarifications, cool.

[Ms. Kensington]

agree

Always fun to argue with you, points go across, no pride, no need of useless, endless clarifications, cool.

yeah i think what i edited was redundant too. oh well!

[Artemis]

My ESFp daughter is very beautiful (just ask Rocky). She flies off the handle when she catches people looking at her. Everyone looks at her so going out in public with her is a real treat! Her fiance gets upset when guys look at her. I told him let them look and be proud that she's with YOU. My husband likes guys to look at me. He smiles and says, they know I'M taking you home to bed, honey.

I have moods about being looked at. When I feel nice looking I appreciate an appreciative look (not a learing one), but if I don't feel good about myself then I feel like I am being looked at because I am a freak. Insecuries are hell!

[Slacker]

It never ever bothered me to be looked at. It happened when I was young and pretty - not so much now. I look more like a frazzled housewife than a MILF. I'd be flattered beyond belief if some cute young guy was leering at me. Sad, isn't it.

[stefana]

//

[Darklord]

To me, it depends on who the guy is I guess. Looking is alright but don't stare or tag behind (it's the same thing even if he's keeping a distance).

Here is the problem: What if the guy just lives in the same direction? There is nothing worse than going home after school, only to have a girl turn around, throw a look at you, and then quicken her pace. It makes me want to run in order to pass her by so that she can see I'm not interested in attacking her.


As for my style in five words:
Any reason I should care?
I just wear whatever I can find. The style comes from the shopping, and I hate shopping for clothes, so I always end up with sweaters and jeans that play all variations over the theme "black and dark gray". However, there is one nugget of "fashion" that I would hang onto for dear life: If I could ever find a good cloak, I'd never ever take it off. Cloaks are the ultimate garment in comfort, style, coolness and interest. There is no other way to wear a piece of cloth that rocks half as much .

[stefana]

//

[Artemis]

It happened when I was young and pretty - not so much now. I look more like a frazzled housewife than a MILF. I'd be flattered beyond belief if some cute young guy was leering at me. Sad, isn't it.

I know the feeling all too well, Nicky. I didn't mean to imply that I was nice looking (anymore), just that my husband thinks so and that's all that counts!

[Catholic Schoolboy]

I hate it when people look at me and I'm really paranoid about it.

[schrödinger's cat]

There was a self-defence class at our University. A beautiful blonde girl was the teacher. Someone asked her what to do if you're stared at. And she said:


[DRUMROLL]


"Pick your nose."

I LOVED that. Don't know if it works, though. Never had occasion to try it. I was picked on at school and boys used to pretend to flirt with me, just to have a laugh. I wasn't fooled and pretended to shrug it off, but from then on I thought that everyone who was flirting with me must be either criminally insane or insanely criminal. Bit of a pity, really. Flirting is fun. I do it a lot with my husband now - got a lot of catching up to do.

[Blaze]

these carlos santanas are the bomb. now i just have to find a dress. snap!

[Blaze]

and here's the matching purse . . .