Duality makes life easier

[parcel]

There are quite a few posts on this forum showing INFp appreciating ESTp... I haven't noticed any for INFj appreciating ESTj, though that doesn't mean that there aren't any.

I edited my original response.

In theory, if IEI/SLE is to work, emotional maturity and stability would be key since this particular intertype relationship could easily become quite abusive if the INFp doesn't have a strong sense of self, is easily intimidated or feels inferior, or doesn't establish clear boundaries with the SLE consistently.

[redbaron]

In theory, if IEI/SLE is to work, emotional maturity and stability would be key since this particular intertype relationship could easily become quite abusive if the INFp doesn't have a strong sense of self, is easily intimidated or feels inferior, or doesn't establish clear boundaries with the SLE consistently.

I completely agree with this. I'm quite certain I wouldn't have ended up with an SLE for a couple of reasons. They tend to settle down later in life. They tend to give off this vibe of not being able to be trusted. They're exciting but not particularly stable. They can be rough around the edges (which now I find endearing but when I was much younger that might not have gone over so well) when it comes to relationships. I dunno. It's so sad...

[FDG]

Usual Joy's thread that adds nothing conceptually substantial.

[Linalee]

There are quite a few posts on this forum showing INFp appreciating ESTp... I haven't noticed any for INFj appreciating ESTj, though that doesn't mean that there aren't any.

Maybe Fi dominants are not that much into "appreciation threads" ? Our (few) LSEs know what we think about them :tongue:

I completely agree with this. I'm quite certain I wouldn't have ended up with an SLE for a couple of reasons. They tend to settle down later in life. They tend to give off this vibe of not being able to be trusted. They're exciting but not particularly stable. They can be rough around the edges (which now I find endearing but when I was much younger that might not have gone over so well) when it comes to relationships. I dunno. It's so sad...

I know at least 2 SLEs who are dependable, loyal, serious about commitments, stable, etc etc, even in their younger years (lets say around 24-25, which is the average age for settling down).
It depends on the family background I suppose. Don't think it's so type-related.

It seems more likely that an NF will appreciate NFs more.

Was true for me, or at least, intuitive types.
But recently I have ventured outside my den, and found out that it was just laziness on my part.
However, from my experience, dual relationships are not easy to start at all.

[Slacker]

My husband and I don't have any problems in our relationship and don't take each other for granted. Anyway, not true for all dual couples.

[Danielle]

Well recently I started a thread trying to get out of having to be with my dual, as semi-dual seemed more interesting. But I have had the opportunity to get to know my dual a lot better and it is now very difficult for me to conceive feeling more comfortable in a relationship than that (assuming compatibility is present in other areas!).

So duals would be SLE & LSE, but based on socionic descriptions I don't see NFs fitting with either in terms of type compatibility, not personally.

I know, and this is why just going off of Socionics descriptions would rarely lead one to their dual. SLEs and LSEs both seem too domineering, hard, unintuitive and personally inflexible if one goes off of descriptions.

It seems more likely that an NF will appreciate NFs more. INFP/ESTJ - now that sounds like a strict/abusive parent-child relationship right there.

I know a lot of other NFs say that but I don't think I'd want to be with another NF and I'm not drawn to them.

As for the parent-child interaction, I don't feel parented by LSEs. And it doesn't seem to me that IEIs react to them like dominated children either.

I haven't noticed any for INFj appreciating ESTj, though that doesn't mean that there aren't any.

Well posts about it are all around Delta forum, but perhaps not as an actual thread. Hmm, an oversight!

[Linalee]

I haven't noticed any for INFj appreciating ESTj, though that doesn't mean that there aren't any.

Well posts about it are all around Delta forum, but perhaps not as an actual thread. Hmm, an oversight!

[parcel]

Danielle:
As for the parent-child interaction, I don't feel parented by LSEs. And it doesn't seem to me that IEIs react to them like dominated children either.

Maybe the description of IEI/LSE as an abusive parent-child relationship is a bit extreme, but they are "conflicting" relations. LSE's inflexible thinking, can make it difficult to see that kind of relationship working in the long term. With LSEs, there's always the feeling that you must prove something, that you're not measuring up.

[UDP]

On IEIs -

I tend to not bother (with) them.
Why bother trying to influence or change someone who is totally unlike me and we're doing very different things?

Only if they are directly related to something I really care about or am particularly responsible for.

TBH, most IEIs seem to think i'm fairly chill. And honestly, most IEIs seem to be fairly sane people who are somewhat sensitive and reserved. They have some qualities I'm drawn to - being ethically focused, reserved, considerate. I realize that, generally speaking, we just don't gel when it comes to close psychological interaction. There is one IEI that I would consider dating, actually (we have similar thoughts about culture, society, and spirituality, and is very calm). But the rest, I get along with them but just realize there is a certain limit to things.

[redbaron]

UDP, I love your avatar.

[silverchris9]

And whereas that sort of action would possibly result in no more friendship/relationship with some other type, with your dual it gives him a chance to realize that he screwed up and win you back. When he does this, it will make him feel successful rather than controlled or manipulated, as it might another type. And he will actually have succeeded in convincing you that he deserves another chance, via some movie-of-the-week-style display of extravagant Fe which you didn't think he was capable of, but he is, only under your influence (so you'll be happy too). Yay duality perfect relationship happy happy happy happy .

Or maybe you just don't like him for non-socionics reasons. Or maybe he just sucks.

TBH, most IEIs seem to think i'm fairly chill.

I agree, for what it's worth.

[Joy]

Also, duality only works properly when both people are focusing on their ego block.

[1981slater]

Also, duality only works properly when both people are focusing on their ego block.

IQs must be close too

[Joy]

Yes! And their must be a physical attraction.

[1981slater]

Yes! And their must be a physical attraction.

and they should speak the same language

[Joy]

Yeah, that usually helps.

[1981slater]

Yeah, that usually helps.

and both must belong to the same species

[Joy]

Really?

[1981slater]

Really?

yeah, and if one of them is secretly a werewolf, the other must be another

or, if one of them belongs to the X-men (Cyclops), the other must be a mutant too (Storm, I think)

[redbaron]

slater...

[Joy]

Jean Grey

[Slacker]

I think you also have to have fairly similar, or at least compatible views, on The Big Issues, too. I don't think a strongly religious Republican would be happy with me regardless of type.

[FDG]

I think you also have to have fairly similar, or at least compatible views, on The Big Issues, too. I don't think a strongly religious Republican would be happy with me regardless of type.

Communist! Hippie! Junkie!

[Slacker]

Well, I'm not a junkie!

[Jarno]

IQs must be close too

No, my greatest duality experience was with a really dumb SEE.

[Jarno]

Also, duality only works properly when both people are focusing on their ego block.

in simple words, you have to be yourself...

[Jarno]

Yes! And their must be a physical attraction.

only the minimum physical attraction is required.

[Jarno]

and they should speak the same language

no I dated an italian SEE

[Jarno]

I think you also have to have fairly similar, or at least compatible views, on The Big Issues, too. I don't think a strongly religious Republican would be happy with me regardless of type.

untrue.

[Slacker]

untrue.

I've seen marriages break up over religion and politics. More often, I've seen relationships not get that far over religion and politics. I know I could not have married my husband if we'd disagreed about those issues. I dated a guy in college who told me he would never marry me because of my lack of religion. It kind of killed the mood, but it was true. I wouldn't have married him either, though I knew better than to say it out loud like that. Anyway, I say, "Yes it is true."

[Park]

I've seen marriages break up over religion and politics. More often, I've seen relationships not get that far over religion and politics. I know I could not have married my husband if we'd disagreed about those issues. I dated a guy in college who told me he would never marry me because of my lack of religion. It kind of killed the mood, but it was true. I wouldn't have married him either, though I knew better than to say it out loud like that. Anyway, I say, "Yes it is true."

<3333

[Slacker]

OMG it was even worse than that. He told me because of his religion, he couldn't marry me partly because I wasn't a virgin, but I wasn't a virgin partly because of him. And any religion that lets a guy mess around with heathen girls all he wants and still marry, but makes the girls remain virgins or never marry is just evil. Certainly not a religion I'd convert to for him. Or anyone.

[Joy]

Yeah, that doesn't make any sense at all.

[Slacker]

I'm sorry - that got way off topic.

[Joy]

It's all good.

[FDG]

no I dated an italian

That's why the experience was wonderful, nothing to do with duality, of course. *bats eyes(?)*

[Jarno]

I've seen marriages break up over religion and politics. More often, I've seen relationships not get that far over religion and politics. I know I could not have married my husband if we'd disagreed about those issues. I dated a guy in college who told me he would never marry me because of my lack of religion. It kind of killed the mood, but it was true. I wouldn't have married him either, though I knew better than to say it out loud like that. Anyway, I say, "Yes it is true."

Oke. So it seems I'm an exception. I've never had those issues with anyone, and nobody with me.

[Joy]

Maybe your views aren't that strong. Maybe their weren't either.

I know I could never, ever be with a Socialist. I don't really care about people's religious beliefs as long as they don't try to impose them on me. Or our kids.

[Jarno]

OMG it was even worse than that. He told me because of his religion, he couldn't marry me partly because I wasn't a virgin, but I wasn't a virgin partly because of him. And any religion that lets a guy mess around with heathen girls all he wants and still marry, but makes the girls remain virgins or never marry is just evil. Certainly not a religion I'd convert to for him. Or anyone.

It seems you've tried to date the pope.

But here I also agree, if your dual is a pope, duality won't work out.

[Slacker]

It seems you've tried to date the pope.

But here I also agree, if your dual is a pope, duality won't work out.

LOL. Not Catholic.