Originally Posted by
aka-kitsune
Originally Posted by
Expat
She's entitled to do whatever she wants, but she has no reason to complain if those she hurts are angry at her.
Wow. Sounds like this is a sore spot for you personally.
I don't really know enough to make a judgement. I rather like all the people involved and simply wish there wasn't so much animosity and retaliation going on. He's taking out his hurt on her, she feels guilty but can't do much, she wants to avoid him entirely, but we're all in productions together, including her bf.
Drama!
I think you misunderstood Expat and, no offense, but it was quite trashy to try and make the issue personal with him whilst accusing him of taking it personally when he was merely giving his opinion based on the facts that you originally provided him with. You definitely make it seem like the girl in your story has some sort of moral superiority over the guy. In reality the situation that you're all faced with is a bit more complicated. If all a person is seeking is a "fuck buddy" then it's their responsibility to make that known beforehand. The fact that these two people are connected professionally, and the fact that this girl's last bf also seems to be connected professionally (and in the same group!) makes the decisions that they make/made that much more important. There's a reason why intimate relationships in the workplace are frowned upon - because the consequences are known to affect more people than just the two involved. So it sucks for everyone else but really this guy, the girl, and her bf, are merely facing the consequences of their own professional irresponsibility. Really, if the girl just wanted sex then she should have had a one-night stand with someone outside of the group. The "casual" vs. "serious" argument holds little value because many modern "serious" relationships begin with a "casual" impression so that both parties can temporarily put the intimacy issues they'd like to avoid aside, lol, this is why "dating" exists, so that you can decide if you're compatible or not with someone before getting intimate and having to deal with their "emotional bullshit." But yah, I don't know many people that could stoically deal with getting dumped, and then having to face their ex and their ex's bf/gf at work everyday, whilst pulling off the fake smile and keeping what they feel locked inside... in fact most people can't even stand to be in the same room with an ex and tame their instinct to conflict.
In conclusion your whole little group is facing the music of letting other people in the group make stupid decisions that were blatantly not in your best interests. Instead of feeling sorry for this girl you should do her a favor and tell her to stop fucking people at work and/or to stop bitching about facing the consequences of what she's wrought. I remember when a guy and a girl I was working with decided to "date" each other, I remember when they broke up, I remember having to deal with both of their emotional bullshit, some direct, some indirect, in this situation it was the guy that was trying to use his superior social skills on me to convince me that he was right and the girl was wrong blah blah blah they both were fucking idiots for not thinking about the consequences beforehand but I ended up feeling more sympathy towards the girl as she at least didn't try to use other people to justify her own irresponsibility. But still, I resented having to deal with any of that shit at all at work, and that 'shit' went on for months and months, that's how it works. The relations of your whole group now are going to be FUCKED until the guy leaves or the girl and her bf leave. There's nothing you can do about it. If this issue continues to bother you then get them both in the same room and scold them.