Discusion of Ne PoLR in ISFjs and ISTjs

[ashlesha]

I often enjoy impulsive ideas and spontaneity when it comes to fun stuff in free time. I only get overwhelmed when they conflict too much with what I already had in mind or they are in regards to more serious life choices. Or the ambiguity of something like "maybe I'll go bowling with you Saturday, I'll call you and let you know Friday". .i might need to know by Wednesday cuz I'll be at the bowling shoes store or something lol I know people have lives so I try to hide my impatience unless this happens a lot. But it makes me feel anxious

[Ainfigur]

Yeah, I can't do parties or large get-togethers for too long without feeling like I'm wasting my time. Close friends or family on a holiday is fine though.

Part of it is social anxiety, and another part of it is just not seeing the use of it from a long-term perspective. No genuine bonds are being formed or strengthened, I'm not actually enjoying this, nothing's being gained, none of this matters. It's pointless self-indulgence. A distraction. I could be working on my resume, applying for jobs, finishing the book I'm reading, catching up on my homework, etc.

I relate to this, but I enjoy these situations a lot more now I have control over my anxiety. It's a cliche, but you get from these situations what you choose to. The best way to tackle social anxiety is to put yourself out there and just talk to people.

Yeah I agree. It's virtually the same for me. I'm slightly better with parties than when my SEI friend comes up with stupid ideas like crawling through the rain drainage tunnel, building a bonfire on campus (Im in college), or constructing a raft out of small intertubes and duct tape and rowing it down the river. That said, I won't do either really. When Im stuck with these types of people I just start to think about all of the downside and whether I should stay because I'm sort of their friend or leave because its pointless and not fun for me. I then start worrying about my social progress and wondering how I ended up stuck with a bunch of guys who think walking through a wet tunnel and getting pneumonia is fun. If I don't see how an activity will help me progress, I just won't do it.

This made me laugh. I have (had) friends like this, who have to turn everything into something stupid and irresponsible (but not actually in any way daring) to prove how brave and "manly" they are. I bet they shame you for not taking part, and all that negative shit? Fuck them.