I'M SO DONE

[ScarlettLux]

Aww, man, I feel for you =[ I really do. This is horrible, to put someone through something like this! Ugh, the more I think about it, the angrier I get. It's as if they don't care about the other person's feelings... "don't call me, I'll call you" ?!?!? What the fuck... think about how confused and stressed you are making the other person.

To hell with this INFp, go and confront him, seriously. DO IT.

[redbaron]

Aww, man, I feel for you =[ I really do. This is horrible, to put someone through something like this! Ugh, the more I think about it, the angrier I get. It's as if they don't care about the other person's feelings... "don't call me, I'll call you" ?!?!? What the fuck... think about how confused and stressed you are making the other person.

To hell with this INFp, go and confront him, seriously. DO IT.

Yes, this is really horrible and I wish you didn't have to go through it. Maybe, as you said, the situation itself is telling you that he's not the one. If you really believe that, then confronting and breaking it off makes sense. But if you think there's hope here, something worth salvaging, then I would encourage you to wait. Even if that means waiting until after your camping trip. I know that sounds awful. Waiting can be the hardest thing. He's not showing you much respect right now but maybe if you show him that you can show him respect by waiting, he'll realize (later) how awful it was for you and won't do it again. But I also think that whatever you decide to do will be the right thing for you--the thing that you need to do. You have to be yourself!

[Blaze]

and the winner is.....

scarlettlux.

i called him. he called back right away. turns out he didn't feel worthy and thought that i was done. (he'd sort be on the right track here, note the name of the thread, lol). i didn't feel worthy either, so we were in a great place to talk.

we spent the day together and decided that we will never let more than 2-3 days go by without talking. that i need for him to tell me what's going on when he's stressed or at least let me know what he needs. that it's ok for him to set limits with me. that i need to listen better. that he needs to value himself more. huh.

next we are going to take on a project together....we will see if we can accomplish something together.

despite all the suffering on my part and his, this has been all very interesting.

in the end, you can't always go by what someone says. but by who you are and what they need.

who am i? i have to communicate.

thank you to everybody, it helped a lot!! :wink:

[Sentineneve]

[redbaron]

Good for you! I am so happy for you, it sounds like you're on the right track.

[ScarlettLux]

and the winner is.....

scarlettlux.

i called him. he called back right away. turns out he didn't feel worthy and thought that i was done. (he'd sort be on the right track here, note the name of the thread, lol). i didn't feel worthy either, so we were in a great place to talk.

we spent the day together and decided that we will never let more than 2-3 days go by without talking. that i need for him to tell me what's going on when he's stressed or at least let me know what he needs. that it's ok for him to set limits with me. that i need to listen better. that he needs to value himself more. huh.

next we are going to take on a project together....we will see if we can accomplish something together.

despite all the suffering on my part and his, this has been all very interesting.

in the end, you can't always go by what someone says. but by who you are and what they need.

who am i? i have to communicate.

thank you to everybody, it helped a lot!! :wink:

:wink:

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[meatburger]

wow. well, I'm glad it turned out. I'm surprised it did from what you said, but hey, guess you can't always know what's going on with someone else. How in the world did that work out - it just doesn't seem like it would have. If it had been me in your shoes, it would have ended badly. I guess this is why Eps go with Ips. You fit better together. Sorry - I realize that sounded odd - but I'm genuinely surprised. And I'm happy for you too. That's cool that you were able to work things out like that!

Yeah my thoughts exactly. I was wrong i thought it was going to end badly as well

Good luck with it all! happy endings yay

[Expat]

I guess this is why Eps go with Ips.

Yeah, pretty much. Good luck diamond8!

[Blaze]

wow. well, I'm glad it turned out. I'm surprised it did from what you said, but hey, guess you can't always know what's going on with someone else. How in the world did that work out - it just doesn't seem like it would have. If it had been me in your shoes, it would have ended badly. I guess this is why Eps go with Ips. You fit better together. Sorry - I realize that sounded odd - but I'm genuinely surprised. And I'm happy for you too. That's cool that you were able to work things out like that!

Yeah my thoughts exactly. I was wrong i thought it was going to end badly as well

Good luck with it all! happy endings yay

yes it is very surprising. when i called him i said, we have to talk. he said he was not done thinking. i said i'm done thinking and i can't take it anymore you have to come over. he said that he was not going to call figured it was over after that phone call. so it was a good thing i called. even though i was mad at him, i did some spiritual growing and was ready to look at things on a deeper level. something i never did in my marriage. didn't know how to do this when i was married.

what i really think is interesting about this is that the feedback i got differed based on the quadra the person was from. deltas were likely to see a power game, the need for me to make a determination on whether he is the right one, and for me to be empowered and self supporting and able to identify my own needs. basically the advice was let him go, don't play this game.

betas esp introverts were inclined to say wait it out. beta extraverts like fdg and scarlettlux (sorry scarlett, i think you're an enfj! :-) were inclined to say confront the situation.

the alpha response was limited but the extravert said confront the situation and the introvert said confront it but be careful how you go about it. now if sentineve is truly an intj (which i'm not sure about since i haven't seen that much Ti from him) that feedback would make a lot of sense coming from my mirror.

gamma: a little sidebar from our favorite entj and a little cheer at the end....plus some Fi oriented isfj advice....important to listen to.

so what am i trying to say exactly? well number one, the socion definitely grasps all sides of a relationship problem. that we will view problems through the lens of our own quadra values. and finally that our spirituality can help to transcend the socion and our own point of view. i had to transcend my attachment to my "needs". (just as a side note, since you don't know me IRL, i can get my needs met pretty easily, but with that Fi polr, it's hard for me to pinpoint the needs of others at certain times).

hmmmmm we knew this already didn't we? or is it so easy to forget? :wink:

[Sentineneve]

[Blaze]

They say you can't fit a peg into a hole. I'm so that I turn 's into 's . Yes, your mirror is just that .

Alternatively-
I like to think of this place as one of my "developing people skills" places, not one of the places where I need to blast people repeatedly with . I've got plenty of practice with that, not so much practice with people skills.

well that's interesting. you sound as though you could be older...

[Sentineneve]

[SenoritaC]

dear blaze, how did it everything turn out with the IEI, did this happen again other time? i hope is not rude, but can maybe help me in my current situation to know your answer

[crazedrat]

you just sound so pissed off i dont want to mess with you.

[discojoe]

I approve of this topic being randomly bumped after two and a half years.

[ScarlettLux]

This thread reminds me of how fucking awesome I am.

[jessica129]

I don't understand though...how do you just sit back and assume the relationship is over without having a definite yes or no? I could never do that if I cared about the person. I could never sit back and think 'okay, i guess we're over'. It seems so strange to me.

[redbaron]

I don't think Blaze would mind me saying that she's still with IEI and it's going well.

[silverchris9]

This thread reminds me of how fucking awesome I am.

[Blaze]

dear blaze, how did it everything turn out with the IEI, did this happen again other time? i hope is not rude, but can maybe help me in my current situation to know your answer

wow i had fun reading this thread...i remember this entire incident so clearly, too. to answer your question senioritac, infpman and i are still an item...we moved in together about a year ago. the incident referenced in this thread was one of about 8 or so that unfolded over a two year period. i now understand it as negotiation of our contract with one another. these were fights worth having.

if i had not followed the advice of scarlettlux on precisely the day that i did, the relationship would have been over. this is because infpman lost a family member in a horrible way the day after we had made up. it was a very hard time for him and if we had not reconnected right then, we would have gone our separate ways without a doubt. as it was, i was able to support him during a very difficult time.

at this point we are together over 3 years and can say anything to each other. <3<3<3.

and, scarlettlux, you actually are awesome!!! you go!

[silverchris9]

if i had not followed the advice of scarlettlux on precisely the day that i did, the relationship would have been over. this is because infpman lost a family member in a horrible way the day after we had made up. it was a very hard time for him and if we had not reconnected right then, we would have gone our separate ways without a doubt. as it was, i was able to support him during a very difficult time.

at this point we are together over 3 years and can say anything to each other. <3<3<3.

Wow, this is probably the most positive thing that has resulted form the16types ever. Good for this thread.

[Ezra]

Blaze = SLE

[AngelMaybe]

This thread just totally made my day I'm happy it turned out well in the end!

[shakealittle]

Aww so you weren't really done after all.....good news

[ScarlettLux]

wow i had fun reading this thread...i remember this entire incident so clearly, too. to answer your question senioritac, infpman and i are still an item...we moved in together about a year ago. the incident referenced in this thread was one of about 8 or so that unfolded over a two year period. i now understand it as negotiation of our contract with one another. these were fights worth having.

if i had not followed the advice of scarlettlux on precisely the day that i did, the relationship would have been over. this is because infpman lost a family member in a horrible way the day after we had made up. it was a very hard time for him and if we had not reconnected right then, we would have gone our separate ways without a doubt. as it was, i was able to support him during a very difficult time.

at this point we are together over 3 years and can say anything to each other. <3<3<3.

and, scarlettlux, you actually are awesome!!! you go!

Wow I feel important, like I did something

[07490]

Wow I feel important, like I did something

hey, to the world she is only worth one person, but to her it means a world.

[infpman]

I've never encountered anyone quite like Blaze. Her education continues.....as does mine.

[squark]

I've never encountered anyone quite like Blaze. Her education continues.....as does mine.

Relationships can teach us an incredible amount, if we're willing to learn. Anyway, Glad to hear you and Blaze are doing well.

[Beautiful sky]

C'mon people I'm dying here. No I didn't ask any questions, but you know comments??!! Does this sound like the illusionary relationship it is?? WTF are my needs realistic? Give me some insight into why I should or should not do this.

jeez. what do I have to do? jump up and down???

hummm....illusionary? and waiting? what are you waiting for?

[Satan]

Honestly, in this case scenario, you gotta think -- what would the Dual do?

ESTps. They would be like.. fuck this shit! And call the INFp, demanding to know what is wrong.

Exactly. SLE still calls me everyday, and If I don't answer he'll call & text off the chain until I pick up. Whenever I do answer he's never upset or angry; he's always just really happy that I've answered and he'll say things like "Thank you for picking up! I miss you babe!" and this always makes me smile.

He has absolutely no problem with my allusive behavior because he literally forces me to communicate with him.

block his number.

[Satan]

Wow I feel important, like I did something

hey, to the world she is only worth one person, but to her it means a world.

you're only one person, but you're still annoying.

[Blaze]

I've never encountered anyone quite like Blaze. Her education continues.....as does mine.

i'm so not done.

[Blaze]

Well at 5 years 4 months, we are officially done. Infpman packed his clothes and moved out yesterday. I do not think we wanted the same things....

[PistolShrimp]

Well at 5 years 4 months, we are officially done. Infpman packed his clothes and moved out yesterday. I do not think we wanted the same things....

Blaze, I read some of your posts when I first joined the forum and was concerned about my own IEI-ILE illusionary relationship due to depressing Socionics prognoses; they helped give me hope for my future with my boyfriend. I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your experiences with your boyfriend despite the pain involved. I hope that you find what you are searching for in your quest for spiritual growth.

[Creepy-pokeball]

I'm sorry for this loss, Blaze. Maybe Squark's comments further up this thread from some time ago may ring true in the future.

[Galen]

I really have no idea what this whole ordeal was all about, but reading your OP forced me into doing internal damage control for my own issues.

I'm sorry to hear :/

[Blaze]

Thanks for all the comments helps tremendously at a time like this. I do feel like we tried hard.

FWIW, there was some socionics truth in this relationship, and some big non socionics factors. Example,
It took us a long time to agree on things to do.....and we could not agree on how to do them.

It came to a point of being 50% good and 50% bad. Not great odds, very hard to stay OR go. When it was good, it was great, I love so many things about him. But certain areas.....just couldn't connect or reconcile. Important areas!

My ESE friend told me yesterday that relationships have to end badly, or they don't end. Kind of like what Starfall was saying.

I would not want to make any predictions for anybody else, due to the influence of non socionics factors. Pistol shrimp, if things are going well for you and ILE, then let there be joy in that.

As squark and jadae point out, there's always learning. I want to be able to share a rich and vibrant life with my partner, to have activities we enjoy doing together and some we do separately, to have a supportive emotionally open process, a great sex life, a circle of friends we enjoy together, and an overall growth vector, always improving.

This relationship had some of these things, but not all. And the ones that were missing made true happiness impossible on a practical level. I remain so grateful for the time we had together and how we helped each other. It hurts to let this one go.

[redbaron]

Gosh I just wanna say here, something that was said in another thread, and that is that no relationship has to be seen as a failure just because it didn't last forever. I think that when love was shared and you truly helped one another and grew from the experience, it was a good thing. YES every relationship ending is hard, and it hurts. But we move beyond that to something stronger and different. Nothing grows forever! Not a relationship or an economy or a business... there are always endings. But that's okay. Then we start something new. xoxo

[InvisibleJim]

People are sentimental failures.

Mostly very boring and prone to excuse driven decision making/counter rationalisation.