INTjs are vulnerable in the emotional area?

[mike_INTJ]

Can someone explain this ?
-------------
INTJs are vulnerable in the emotional area and may make serious mistakes here

it means that emotions aren't rational, we can't justify them, can't explain them. they build up over a long period, until there so deep you could drown in them.

we are logical. really the best way to describe it is to watch star trek when vulcan's cry.

[mike_INTJ]

DISCLAIMER: The below may make me look like I am an asshole, but you don't know the full story so don't pass judgement on me by what you read. As hot and sexy sweet INTj females are, this particular one made me very angry.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just crushed an INTj the other day... she left a mean message on my answering machine and it pissed me off. It was one of those things a person could have and should have worded differently but she knew if she said it that way it would hurt my feelings. I have done this girl alot of favors and her and I had grown quite attached to one another. Because of this the message seemed extrememly harsh and offensive(but in a disguised sort of way). I told her off and then also left a message for her ex-boyfriend telling him some things I thought he should know about her, such as how she had been contemplating cheating on him since april of this year until she broke up with him less than a month ago. I posted evil comments on her livejournals, part of her secure little personal world, you know? The next day all of her livejournals were deleted. I crushed a big part of her. There some choice words I selected deliberately to destroy her confidence because she hurt mine.

they say "an I for an eye" but with me, if someone takes my eye I rip their heart out and shove it up a choice place. But I don't drag it out. What's done is done. She knows she messed with the wrong person. I just hope the emotional damage wasn't too extreme.

i'll have to consider you a jerk. don't know what she said, or what you thought the favors actually were. but to put anyone into a depression because someone insulted you is very childish. how would you feel if she commited suicide because of what you did?

further, if you make us mad, we have the means to make your life a living hell. we can out think you, and out do you. it all depends if she transfers what you did to anger or sadness.

[mike_INTJ]

Well, I might seem like an asshole, maybe I am. But hey, at least I'm honest.

But the girl was a real asshole as well, i mean, there are other things I am not saying about her.

And anyone's confidence can be destroyed. This isn't a "Type" thing, it's called being human. If I'm "evil" or an "asshole" its because I have a good reason for it (in my opinion) usually it gets things done or tosses out any unnecessary clutter(certain people) so I can focus on the real point. But I always love a battle, a fight. That's when I feel most alive.

Do I feel guilty? yeah, I do. But when you do as much for someone as I did and were mislead like I was, well, you have to do what you have to do.

clearly your repressing something. no one has the right to be a jerk. no one has a reason to be a jerk. all i can assume is she said something about you that was the truth about you. and you couldn't face hearing it, or hearing it from someone who figured it out. getting even is the wrong thing to do. deal with your own problems. because you don't want to see us angry. we don't get back at people physically, we tend to destroy mentally.

i am curious as to what you did for her. you seem to think it was something big. did she ask? it's odd that she would ask for anything, we tend to keep to ourselves, we don't need help from others unless it's really major.

"you have to do what you have to do" - that's what's destroying society. say a mean word back. you acted like a big baby.

[mike_INTJ]

[quote]

but no, it didn't really have to do with competition, had more to do with me just not getting what I wanted and worked so hard to get (sex).

there you go. you went for the wrong thing. you gave her "favors", because you thought you were going to get laid. however, we don't work that way, it's not a priority. your using her for her body only. she wants you to use her for her mind.

She knew what I wanted from the start and she knew we were both getting into it for that... then she starts to misdirect the point to other things and avoiding having a mature face to face discussion about her feelings.

are you sure? I's are very cautious, we don't assume anything. you assumed it was about sex. she may have wanted a relationship. not many people talk to us, we can be lonely. it's hopeful that someone will like us, for us. but you wanted sex, and unless you actually stated you wanted her in that way, you were in the wrong. and you make all the other guy's look like jerks too. doesn't sound like you care anything at all about her feelings.

[mike_INTJ]

But I'll tell you the basic just of what happened in the end. The girl invites me to her dorm a few weeks back to visit her. Now she knows I have feelings for her, and she knows I am going up there with the assumption that she has feelings for me, flat out. So I go to Cortland NY, which was like a 5 hour drive or something, just to see her. We both told eachother how much we missed one another, how much we wanted to see one another, etc... etc...

we don't like emotions, they are very deep. she might not have been comfortable with her roommate there. a sort of saving face thing, the roommate may want to pry. we don't like that.

So I get there and she makes me take her and her roomates to this diner, which was alright, cool, got to meet her roommate and stuff, whatever. But the whole way through she has this cold attitude for me, don't know why, don't understand it, and it's pissing me off.

an E type person is bouncy and emotionally talkative. INTJ's - are not, we simply aren't. she is enjoying your presence, you are there with her, that's saying a lot. she like all INTJ's is reading your emotional state by hearing your voice, hearing your words, and reading your face. you may not be emotiing in a positive way, as sex seems to be the only thing on your mind.

So I grab her hand and its lifeless, cold, uninterested. So I just let it go, sorta lightly throwing it back at her in a way which can only say "well, go fuck yourself".

if you love her, then it won't matter. saying "go fuck yourself", shows you don't respect her. she may not know how to be touched. we aren't touchy feely. some might enjoy some contact, she may not have known what to do in that sitution so she froze. you took it as rejection, she took it as rejection that you threw her hand down. your sending mixed messages.

We leave the movie and I pretend like that incident didn't happen. We were still talking like usual, but it was notably cold(like any mirror relationship can be) and I just sort of went with it. We go back to her dorm and she wants to write the story with me, but she has to get ready for bed. She is doing that and I lay on the floor on the sleeping bag she layed out for me and I say "so, what are you thinking about?" It was pretty clear I was saying "what the hell are you doing to me here?" she brings up something completely unrelated to me, typical of INTj's, such as "i am wondering why my CD player is..." whatever. So I just lay there and start getting pissed. I realized she was going to avoid discussing "us" like she always had, and just preoccupy herself with herself and pretend like I live next door or something.

she is having a relationship with out. a night out doesn't mean sex. a few dates doesn't mean sex. she set up a bag on the floor of you. she was looking out for you, she didn't want you to catch a chill on the cold floor. we approach stuff like this very carefully. we choose slowly. since you keep sending out mixed messages, her emotions about you will vary. words alone are not enough to convince her.

We write in the little story, blah blah blah, and I get to talking to her.

blah, blah blah? you don't enjoy writing stories? she can see it on your face. she's testing your tru intentions.

She lays and bed, I sit at the other end. I started talking to her about how important she is to me and how much I care about her and stuff. I say how beautiful I think she is and she just goes "thanks" or "yeah, I know" or something.

this quality drives people insane. if we think we are nice looking, then we already know. but ideally we want to know exactly why you think the way you do. do you really like her eyes? her hair? what?

No feedback, no nice remarks, just calculated insults.

how was that an insult? i say the same things when someone compliments me as well. i already know it's good, but it's not good enough. and it can be better. without specifying exactly what you meant, it doesn't help her know what you are looking at.

and she just goes to sleep at like midnight. So I'm sitting there like an idiot and eventually decide to go to sleep. Her roommate and the girl next door come back just as i turn the lights out. They clearly were like "what?" they expected to see us making out, which I expected to be doing as well. We werent though, i was just kneeling on the floor about to get into my sleeping bag.

her roommate and you are E's. she isn't ready to "sleep" with you yet, but she feels safe near you. be glad you got that far.

I talk with them till 3am and had fun. I was pissed and hurt though, because I drove five hours to visit her, was watching her pet rat for her, and had basically spent an hour telling her how important I thought she was to me. So I left the next day pretty early, didn't even get to brush my teeth. I sorta told her I knew what was up and wanted and explanation but she treated me like I was prying into her personal business, which I wasn't, Im sure. I give her a careful kiss good bye(paranoid about my breath) and leave. turned out i got a parking ticket, a spot she suggested i park in. bad omen.

so to sum it up, you expected sex. you did what you did so you can get sex from her. the favors that you consider big was to get sex only?

that out of all the guys she has ever kissed I was the worst(we had "made out" if you want to call it that, in a parking garage because before she left she started acting like she didn't want to be alone with me anymore... then she got warmed up again over the telephone). obviously people warm up differently and I don't think I am a bad kisser(she just sat there all cold like she'll always be). but basically it still crushed my confidence in myself. I have never felt like "that guy" who the girl just amuses herself with. I never thought I was the guy that is "the friend who can never make it in". She never really gave me that impression... well, at least she never said it flat out.

ever stop to think that you may actually be a bad kisser? however on the other hand, she might be sarcastic, as we usually are. you may have heard it wrong. we like to argue, it's fun - but it also brings out the worst in people. it brings out their true self.


so to sum up - you wanted sex, she wanted a relationship. you went along with whatever she had, so you can get what you wanted.

this is what's going on her mind. someone is friendly toward her, her susipicion is raised. she decides to ignore her intuition and be with you. you go along with everything. all the while, she is analyzing you, what you do, how your react to her and others. she's paying attention to who you talk to, how you speak to others, who you look at, how you look at her, if your paying attention to her, if you understand her, etc. basically you entered a ring of trust, but not total trust, as her intuition told her that you are hiding something. you are after a different goal. you were after the shy little girl, let's see if i can work my magic and get into her pants. she saw right though you.

once she decided that you were using her all along, then she cut the cord. we can do that you know. if you play her emotions, we will snap, cut you off, tell you off, etc. you didn' t have much right to be mad - you were using her. and the result of your action won't count for much now that i know the story. she'll either ignore you totally. or has already started a detailed plan for a counter attack.

[mike_INTJ]

So, should I apologize to her? or should I just drop it?

you can try to apologize, but i doubt it would work. when we see someone approach we set up a list of probabilites. what does this person want? a list is formed, of possibilities. she already had you pegged, but went along to see if she was right. the list goes up and down depending on how you act.

if you say you were sorry, she may have already set up that possibility and will already have a line setup in advance. further she will keep her original suspicions about you, and still won't let you into her secret cave of wonders

you broke her trust, that's the worst thing. whatever you say now, it will not stick, she will not believe you.

[mike_INTJ]

if it were me, an apology would about completely undo the damage.

lack of an apology would leave a wound for a long time.

wonder why INTjs can be crushed so easily..

if I have a row with someone NT i almost always have some understanding why they've offended or acted a certain way, and try to talk with them. and as i said, an apology would allow me to let go completely of bad feelings. i think

let me see if i can figure out a way to explain. as a whole, we don't trust people. it takes a really long time of knowing us (years), to really know us, and for us to trust you.

we aren't hurt from logical stand point, because in our minds your wrong and we are right and it's as simple as that.

however emotionally, we hide everything. the emotions aren't surface level like they are in many E's, they run very deeply. if someone were to say "i love you" - do they really mean it? do they feel anything when they say it? rarily. it's said because it's expected. however for us, there needs to be a good reason to love. and we must feel it deeply.

so when someone plays with our emotions for their gain - we resent it. someone did that to me once, claiming this and that. i gave in, i trusted her, finally her friends came forward to tell me that she is married, and that was that. the flirting, i love you's, etc - were just to see how close she could get. she had no intention. i let my guard down for the wrong person, she pretended to be jealous and chased away potential mates. i don't forgive her, and i never will. she might have damaged my future in a small way.

[Creepy-]

i think anyone can forgive anyone.

Im pretty sure i am INTj btw

and i've thought id die of a broken heart-- not too long ago.

hehehe i think he was entp, too