Quote Originally Posted by astralsilky
Quote Originally Posted by aka-kitsune
Hmm... SEEs have abandonment issues? That's my core issue too (and I'm IEI). The ESFp I'm currently attracted to has this kind of vague "unreadability". Very difficult to figure; confounds my Ni. Comes in close, then inexplicably shies away the next time. I sense ambivalence and often feel kept at bay.

I always tend to read this tendency towards superficiality as disinterest. (But then, that's probably just my inherent sense of unworthiness).
This also describes me, and men have complained about it with me before. It is NOT due to disinterest at all. Depending on the circumstances, sometimes the MORE interested I am, the more I'm apt to shy away. It's because I fear the power of my emotions, knowing they get TOO strong inside (ie, then all my behavior is harnessed towards achieving overly idealistic ends due to "where my heart is") and then all reason goes out the window. (VERY un-ISTj-ish, we are SO different here (and clash, btw)). What runs through my mind is that I might end up in a situation that ends up either emotionally ruining me, or truly being "the end of me" because I neglected the more practical sides what was required for a relationship to really work. I need to see a guarantee that the circumstances can "protect" this vulnerability. So ultimately, people see me as holding back, and/or being too analytical about the relationship or idealistic. But they don't understand my emotional impulsiveness and why I NEED to hold myself in check. Maybe this helps?
What would you ultimately regard as the "go" sign, then...? In what circumstance would you trust your feelings/emotions and let yourself approach someone/be approached? What reassurance is sufficient to advance a relationship?

I've often observed that many guys I've been involved with only trust themselves in relationships with someone they don't care too much for. Like a built-in distance. But if they believe they'd really end up caring a lot, they seem really ambivalent and often push away someone they suspect might lead to this. Of course, this is something I don't understand. If my feelings are not engaged, I'd rather be elsewhere. No "safe" relationship will do.