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Tell me about Enneagram type 3s
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Last edited by female; 07-09-2015 at 07:11 AM.
While I don't think I can contribute much of a "cheat sheet" to any type, I can write several pages worth of content on how I understand the type.
The easiest way to look at 3s IMO is to look at the type as a combination of Heart + Attachment triads. Heart type fixations all concern themselves with image to some extent, how they are perceived by others. Then layer attachment types on top of that, where the fixation pertains to both unsureness in the realm in question (in this case, image/heart/outward presentation) and a subsequent, subconscious adherence to some external source as a supplement for self-actualization.
So with this combination, you get an individual who, when in a less-than-optimal state of mental health, is more or less fixated of how he presents himself to others, and attempts to rectify this problem by finding an "image totem," if you will, which they wish to adhere to. By image totem I refer to some outside source or image that the 3 utilizes in order to gauge his own identity and self-worth. Such a totem can be pretty much anything: a professional position, athletic prowess, Mario Party champion (I know an Sx/So 3 who constantly posts pictures on Facebook of how he kicks everybody else's ass at Mario Party, it basically annoys the shit out of everybody), etc. In any case, the image they seek to achieve is generally one of high respect to some degree, whether such respect is socially-accepted or self-generated. By attempting to adhere themselves more and more to the chosen image, the 3 aims to alleviate fears of personal inadequacy by giving himself specific and externally tangible goalposts for self-understanding. This means that the 3 becomes a tireless achiever, or at least an aspiring tireless achiever, where each new goal reached becomes further confirmation of their assumed identity and self-worth.
But with such an emphasis on action to inform one's internal workings comes a sort of numbness to one's own self-generated understanding of identity. Such an area of life becomes so nebulous and ungraspable that if they aren't careful about it, the 3 can begin to overstretch himself by attempting to contort his self-perception even more to fit whatever image he has in mind, all at the cost of his "true self," if such a thing can be said to exist in the first place. In their utter fixation, 3s can discover a roadblock to their desired position that they simply cannot overcome, and in my experience they will proceed in one of two ways. They can either use this discrepancy between desire and actualization as a wake-up call of sorts where they realize how completely transfixed they've become on achieving an impossible goal; or they will mentally dissociate themselves from their own identities and instead attempt to wholly graft on new self-imposed personalities or identities. If they choose the latter, the 3s become inauthentic, abrasive, self-deluded, and continually spiral down into madness and self-destruction.
By choosing the former, however, and being able to break free from the cycle, they remove themselves from the mounting pressure of having to maintaining an image that isn't natural to them. They begin to cultivate their own identity without pressure to conform to anything external, and outside totems for their image can become incorporated much more smoothly, or not at all of such an image simply doesn't fit. Their self-worth arises from within, which then exudes outward for others to recognize as a natural outcropping of an authentic self. They become Mario Party champions not because they simply want to be the best, but because they love the game and being the champion is only a side effect to an internally-generated passion.
Anybody who knows better, let me know if anything in here is overblown to the point of caricature.
I never understood this. Sounds to me like hype, fascination.Originally Posted by dolphin
*Does not compute* System shutting down in 10...9...8....
Lul. Double bump.
.... TRIPLE BUMP!!
... Because I'm a 3, get it? Harharhar.
Gaven pretty much summed it up. Unhealthy 3 tend to exaggerate things that make themselves look better (ie, "I was a physics professor" when really they just presented something to the class.) They don't like it when you point out the extent of their lies or exaggeration. Personally, I can't deal with that shit. I don't know who decided that 7s and 3s should get along the best, but we do not.
Healthy 3s are pretty okay though. They're more secure in themselves and just overall very honest. They will bring down a shower of hell and brimstone if you try to make them look bad though.
Our greatest fear is not being successful or being worthless and not being admired. But how this plays out varies greatly depending on the 3. Our concern for how others see us can be very superficial or it can be in some cases kinda noble.
Bump.
@Galen said a lot, great job already.
To add my personal 2 cents:
Being a 3 can mean being very socially competitive. It's almost like being in an unhealthy mode of classifying people instantly as allies who will give us attention or enemies who must be quelled. Unhealthy 3s who have someone who puts them down may want to lash out at them and physically hurt them. Extremely unhealthy 3s can become murderous.
It feels like it stems from a human instinct/desire to be in good reputation in order to be safe/healthy. As long as you're respected by others, you'll have people whom you can fall back on and take from if you're in a time of need. Inner fears might include a lack of self-confidence and a lack of belief in one's own abilities.
This might also stem from stressful situations during childhood of not being accepted for who you really are. There may have been times of short-term abandonment as well, and resounding loneliness.
So because 3s may want more attention from others, respect for their own abilities, and are afraid of being accepted for who they are, they compensate by pursuing achievements.
3s become healthy when they realize that they will still receive attention & respect when they are not achieving or doing (countering any stressful situations during childhood). 3s become healthy when they realize that some people will like them no matter what because of their own personalities. They will also become healthy when they feel they personally already have enough of what they want to be happy, in accordance with discovering their own feelings and defining what is needed to be happy, rather than in a mindset of constantly taking from others or trying to impress them. 3s must discover their own personal feelings and sentiments toward things independent of what others think.
When 3s are in balance with their own personal sentiments and have stronger self-identities and self-confidence, they feel they can take a joke better about being bad at something, rather than trying to be 'the best' and socially competitive in everything. Healthy 3s are able to put themselves down in front of others as a joke rather than feeling it's required to prove to everyone of how good you are at something. It's a big stress-relief when you can acknowledge that the world will go on and you can be happy without needing to do anything amazing in your life or prove anything to anybody.
