what attracts you to your corresponding erotic style

[ashlesha]

I am curious.

http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...Romance_styles

[Leader]

Erotic style?

[anndelise]

I can't say that I'm attracted to being described as having a childish erotic style.
It just happens to describe me well.

But, not particularly because of a sexual thing, but more as a carry over of my normal approach and attitude towards things. I like to play around, and jokingly tease my partner... (ok, sexually tease too, lol). And often these things will come out spontaneously, no matter the "mood" of the moment. I am basically just me...being me.

Outside of a partnership type thing, I'm just as playful...and childish.

An example is that even my daughter's friends will invite me to hang out with them when they are playing games or just gonna hang out. Often they will try to trap me into joining into their teen convers, because of the stuff that will pop out of my mouth when I'm not thinking. I inevitably have to leave because they'll turn the conver to things like boys, and sex. Me, being the adult, would be inappropriate to pop out the thoughts/quips that spring to mind. (This is where they try to trap me. It's become a game to them, lol.) Often her friends that meet me will say that they've never had another adult around that they felt they could be themselves around. And a two of them have been heard, in passing, as 'protecting' me from a non-friend, saying "nah, she's cool."


Basically,
I have a hard time staying serious for more than a couple of minutes, before I inadvertently pop out some off-the-wall comment. Similar occurs with my actions.

I don't set out to be childish...my playfulness just pops out. And is easily described via the childish erotic attitude.

[fen]

I guess being infantile is a way to seem cute and endearing or something, but that sounds horribly manipulative. :/

[ashlesha]

so what do you guys like about si types?

[anndelise]

so what do you guys like about si types?

A few things.

I'm very touchy feely. Often, as an ends in and of itself. Iow, not necessarily used as foreplay. The people I have typed as an Si type have each not only accepted that, but respond in kind as well.

Theoretically an Si type would not just accept my playfulness, but feel relaxed enough to join in, as well. Or, at the least not put me down for it. Unfortunately, that's only theoretically, as a number of XeSi types seem to look down on me for not taking things more seriously. Also, I've had a few flings with SeTi who seemed to enjoy and join in the playfulness.

And finally, despite being playful, I'm also often uptight, highly anxious. If I am anxious, then it's a sign that I'm more in my head than in my body. The more decisions I have to make, the more I'm having to be in my head, and the less in my body...resulting, of course, in more anxiety...and thus more uptightness. I could go on, but it's a not-pretty cycle.

Having someone around who finds it easier to take care of the physical environment relieves me of much of the head stuff, allowing me to relax more, to be free and spontaneous...and not have to worry about environmental influences, bills, the future, etc. I can focus more on the current interactions between the peoples involved. Having lots of physical caresses relaxes my muscles, which starts to relax my mind, allowing me to drift into my body and the moment, and my mind to ...cloud...over. This process is much faster if my hair is pulled a certain way, or played with, and/or some back caresses.

I tend to get this more from Si types. Other types seem...impatient...with the level of relaxing that I need to fully enjoy the sex.

(note...quickies usually involve a significant amount of sexual teasing/joking beforehand, leading to anticipation which gets spontaneously...and roughly...fulfilled. Si types aren't really made for quickies, ime. SeXi types? Definitely.)

[PistolShrimp]

My ILE boyfriend is definite Infantile. I love his playfulness, teasing, his ability to get me to lighten up and see things in a different way. I'm amused by his inability to do something so simple as make a healthy breakfast (he ate chicken nuggets with a juice box one morning I was with him), or to change his calendar (I bought him a new one when I saw his was from two years ago); it brings out the Caregiver in me, though I may be more of a Victim type overall.

My last relationship was with a Victim type (likely IEI), and the hot-cold behavior drove me batshit. I need someone whose interest in me is clear.

[willekeurig]

I can relate to everything anndelise has said in this thread, including the thing about XSEs often being too uptight and telling me to get serious, which can indeed be upsetting. I don't get this with SXIs at all.. expcept for maybe one SLI, but somehow I still feel she secretly enjoys all the silliness. Maybe it's an EJ thing, some of them can be pretty naggy.

[Creepy-Snaps]

My ILE boyfriend is definite Infantile. I love his playfulness, teasing, his ability to get me to lighten up and see things in a different way. I'm amused by his inability to do something so simple as make a healthy breakfast (he ate chicken nuggets with a juice box one morning I was with him), or to change his calendar (I bought him a new one when I saw his was from two years ago); it brings out the Caregiver in me, though I may be more of a Victim type overall.

Yes. Like ann mentioned, someone who looks out for my physical needs. I don't normally eat too healthy, or cook that much. One time I was making pasta with my INTj friend over, and I didn't have any butter or garlic... or pasta sauce... so I used ketchup... to improvise! But he thought that was rather bizzare, and jokingly gave me a hard time. lol.

I can be very cleaned and organized when I try, but it's not something that comes naturally at all.

I have no problem leading the relationship, but having someone look out for me, remind me not to stay up too late, tell me it's ok to rest now, someone who can help me save time, all are greatly appreciated.

A friend on my business team who I suspect is ISTp, my dual, has that unemotional cold look normally , helped me out when I bent my car key. Right when I noticed it was bent, that's why it wasn't going in as easily, he easily jumped in and said 'Just take plyers, go the long way on the key, so you don't bend the teeth, and you can bend it back in place.' ... Something like that seemed so natural to him, like common sense, but it wasn't something I would have thought of anytime soon!

He also has a penchant for figuring out the quickest, most efficient path to take. For less walking.

Does that make sense? I'm an athlete and am in great shape physically... it's not that I'm unable to navigate through the physical world. But when it comes to getting stuff DONE in the physical world, or any kind of processes, it's not something that's one of my strong points.

That, and another guy on my team who I suspect is ESTj, telling me bluntly he thinks I need to work harder. Sometimes the truth is greatly appreciated. When I have a crazy idea, evaluating practically how it's going to work out in terms of my time, I also appreciate. That's more Te than Si Caregiver though. I like the Alpha Si's for how RELAXED they are, and again, taking care of physical needs, seems like Alpha SFs enjoy fine food more than Delta STs . (But I guess anything is better than pasta with ketchup )

[willekeurig]

One time I was making pasta with my INTj friend over, and I didn't have any butter or garlic... or pasta sauce... so I used ketchup... to improvise! But he thought that was rather bizzare, and jokingly gave me a hard time. lol.

..But I guess anything is better than pasta with ketchup )

I eat my pasta with ketchup every time! I have never tried butter or garlic, or even heard of anyone who would've. They actually sound rather bizarre to me but maybe I'll try since you made it sound so good!

[Absurd]

I just go for it, like go for it all or don't. There is no middle ground to me at all. Once she says 'hey let's be friends', I say okay and lose all interest in it, romantically speaking. And walk away.

[Absurd]

Funniest thing is I don't remember posting in this thread.

[krieger]

its mostly just that ESxjs take good care of themselves and their surroundings and have their act together and look good for that reason. they also look physically confident without being vulgar/rough, having kneecaps all over their body and/or having skin that feels like sandpaper.

they also tend to have all kinds of random half-worthwhile things going on in their life that they don't cynically reject, which is a counterbalance to my own lifestyle. i err on the side of rejecting things too quickly and end up with time on my hands that way.

in addition to this i really don't mind the steady supply of cookies coming from them.

[Park]

Yes. Like ann mentioned, someone who looks out for my physical needs...

So you're officially ENFp now? OMG.

[consentingadult]

I am curious.

http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...Romance_styles

I'm not convinced Gulenko's romance styles are a valid concept. Assuming I am IEE, I am attracted to the physical comfort that Caregivers provide, but in matters of sexuality, I'm bored by them, I prefer the submissiveness of the Victim style.

[EyeSeeCold]

I'm turned off by:

• Asking for permission on decisions (as in trying to please others)
• Fussing instead of getting to the bottom line / unnecessary emotionality
• Politicking / passive-aggressivness rather than expressing true feelings
• Giddiness (especially the awkward nerdy kind)
• Females who are too "delicate" or sensitive and are too afraid to get rough or be active
• Attitudes with no class; you can have an attitude but you need class
• Domineering people who see the world through hierarchies, or even overly submissive people (I prefer equal relations)
• Nerdy arrogance/obnoxiousness (not a good look for females)
• People who have no concept of boundaries / invasive touching

Some things that attract me:

• Females who express their (hetero)sexuality
• Tomboy women
• cocky women
• Females who listen to good music (or have my taste in music, movies etc)
• Physically active / athletic females
• Women who have an interest in generally obscure subjects (gives me something to talk about / a chance to put my knowledge to use)
• Women who like to do stuff (as in any random activity)

[Creepy-]

Being forced to do something is the best way to get me to do something?

[redbaron]

I can identify with bits of the Infantile and Caregiver styles too - I am at times playful and childish, and I sometimes want to mother people, but i don't think I could stand a long-term partner constantly being childish, or constantly asking if I've remembered to take a jacket. But doing anything Aggressor-ish would be completely alien to me, and I wouldn't mind a long-term partner constantly trying to win me over, or with a possessive streak.


This is my main reason for being attracted to Aggressors. I'm instinctively frustrating and hot-cold in romantic matters, and it's unlikely that a non-Aggressor type would persist long enough to get anywhere.

Yes to all of this for me too. I can be playful, touchy feely, I actually hate "mothering" anyone in the classical sense other than my own children, but I can take care of a romantic partner if he's sick although my method is more like get him some soup, put on some TV and leave him alone. LOL Non-aggressors get boring to me over the long term. Like they're not going anywhere. I dunno.

[DirectorAbbie]

Victims and aggressors usually put up with caregiving. Sometimes it's a convenience, sometimes it's a nuisance. Caregivers don't mind, but they don't need it. It's like offering to let someone borrow your favorite hammer when they already have a good hammer. I'd rather let an infantile borrow my hammer so they can stop pounding nails in with a screwdriver. And yes, I am motherly if I care about someone. That tends to drive people away.

[Suz]

I just go for it, like go for it all or don't. There is no middle ground to me at all. Once she says 'hey let's be friends', I say okay and lose all interest in it, romantically speaking. And walk away.

That's too bad because i often say something like that to guys i'm interested in...

[blackburry]

romantic interaction is more about "toughness" than "tenderness" needs to feel some sense of "superiority" over the partner, but worthwhile only if the partner is seen as able to largely "keep up"
..Sorta. I do like a lot of tender moments as well, but the person has to be proven to be tough-skinned or very insightful or I lose respect..unfortunately.
"this takes the form of power games, which others might regard as cruel or bitchy
in the case of female Aggressors with male partners, the above tends to assume the characteristic of a woman expecting total devotion from the partner, rather than her being "bossy" ---
I do like total devotion, not going to lie, I absolutely hate "hot-cold" relationships.

All in all, I expect the guy to get the ball rolling... I show a clear sign of interest, he follows suit, then it becomes a pursuit for both of us...but, I hate when guys come on too strong. I lose interest if the guy's not a charmer. I like for interest/say in the relationship/decisions/chores to be equal.

[blackburry]

I like spontaneity and directness from someone, that's always attractive. Beyond that, I don't know. These descriptions sound like badly skewed stereotypes.

I don't like playing "power games"—that stuff is fake and easy to bullshit your way through. I can do it, but I don't take it seriously—especially if it's being used to avoid confronting real issues. If you take it seriously, you've probably lost.

Also I can't tolerate a bossy female. Just makes me obstinate and I ignore them. Emotional vulnerability from someone I care about is far more likely to persuade me.

I like this line. Yeaaaaaah, same.

[Galen]

I'm still waiting for a list of corresponding "erotic style"-esque descriptions of the rational functions. Probably something like "intellectual style."


As for the main question, uh, iunno. I haven't seen those descriptions play out in reality as they say it should be, so it's kind of a loaded question to begin with. If I'm just supposed to analyze the traits by themselves, then it'd go as follows:

attraction is naturally sparked by the perceived aesthetic attributes of the prospective partner, but cooled off if such attributes are accompanied by a perception of "too aggressive" sexuality

Not too sure what this means.

inclination towards tenderness, "soft" rather than "hard" approach

I appreciate both in people. If you're just one or the other then you're incomplete as a person imo. I guess I prefer "softness" for lack of a more clear-cut word, but not as if the other person is a blob I have to manually shape. Would the other side of that coin be a guy punching me in the face during sex? Again, balance between the two is key.

prone to adopt maternal approach to the physical comfort and needs of partner

This just sounds patronizing. I imagine it like I'm just sitting in bed with somebody feeding me my lunch in a sippy cup because I can't be bothered to get out of bed.

interest is further maintained if partner welcomes this approach

See above.

prone to assume that partner will need help in practical, daily matters

Doesn't everybody? I do appreciate assistance in these sorts of things, but beyond teaching me the things I don't know it's not fair to assume that I just don't understand something. I like to figure things out by myself too.

neutral as to who ended a relationship, "power" is not seen as important in such matters

pff, I've been bitching about how my ex dumped me for years now. I do agree with the latter though, I'm not too keen on thinking about who has control over the other. As far as I'm concerned any healthy relationship of any sort should be have mutual responsibility between the two (or more) people.

[717495]

what attracts you to your corresponding erotic style

Cookies.

[Absurd]

That's too bad because i often say something like that to guys i'm interested in...

I'm not jumping from tree to tree just to score as many as I can. No frigging way. Reeks of instability to me. If I am interested, I do follow my gut instinct. At times it pays off and at times it doesn't. Hell, there are times I don't even notice nor expect that someone is actually interested in me having a lot of things in my mind or going somewhere.

Best thing is just to say it and meet a 'wha?' from me, and see how it rolls. Setting the matter straight works when you want to stop me is what I wanted to say.

As for those erotic attitudes, I was a bit drunk when I first posted in this thread but I do concur with my first post. That is, I'm not interested in concepts at all so actually parroting a set of attitudes is not my forte and I'm not going to do it just to sound very caregiver-ish and best LSE in world. Ahem.

Anyway, looks like I'm best LSE in world, so go figure.

[Absurd]

Cookies.

Didn't ever make cookies.

As for infantile romance style, I don't know, I think it seems to click.

[Simon Ssmall]

So you're officially ENFp now? OMG.

[ArchonAlarion]

Moo

[Park]

I like this line. Yeaaaaaah, same.

Get a room you two already.

[silverchris9]

I can't make up my mind. Aggressors make up their minds for me. If I don't like it, I'll just say no. If I do like it, I won't be able to say no. Wins all around.

I'm wishy-washy, hot-cold, yes-no. Aggressors are not. And once they are, we're far enough into the relationship for me to hypnotize them into staying with my IEI voodoo mind tricks.

I like attention (mwa ha ha, I am the prize, you must win me!), aggressors supply attention.

In moments like these I think life would be easier if I were a woman (or at least sex life), but then I realize that being the person that is generally expected not to initiate is far suckier. Having the option to approach someone and failing to exercise it is less unpleasant than being socially conditioned and expected to wait for an approach that may or may not ever come.