Something about you, Ezra, that always reminds me of a guy I was once involved with that I'd venture was an ESTp. Life of the party when he wanted to be (er... but that might've been the alcoholism), observant, clever and intelligent, but didn't want to bother being "intellectual". He also had this interesting chivalric side about him that contrasted sharply with a very often abrasive personality.
People used to have reactions to him, usually varying between the enthusiastic, "Hey, he's really entertaining!" and the disgruntled, "Geez, he's a
total asshole!". He did sort of range between extremes most of the time. On and "in your face" or off and in vigilant mode.
Generally, though people would be put off by his domineering; he even got fired from his job for being difficult and unapproachable. It seemed like he was defensive quite a lot and provoked unconscious reactions from people who found him overbearing.
Psychologically, I'd say it sounds like you're uncomfortable unless you're controlling the situation, by either passively monitoring or actively commanding. Probably just immaturity, inexperience. Of course, most social situations are give-and-take. Charm helps immensely. If you can't finesse a conversation, many people will be put off if you're too domineering. Argumentative, inflexible, haughty, overly caustic or critical will usually get you the cold shoulder from most people, no matter why type you are.
Don't approach every conversation as a point you have to drive home, or a small country you have to conquer. Think of it as a mutual exchange.