Bed behavior (non-sexual, well, mostly)

[Aquagraph]

I'm interested in bed behavior -with or without company- and would like to hear about your experiences, analysis and possible type connections - and don't just say that it is not type-related or you'll just reveal you're boredom as a human being. Instead I'd like to hear about some kind of theory, even if based on preposterous assumptions, stereotypes, vague intuition or the like. Of course, I'm just interested to hear all kinds of experience not related to socionics.

So...

How do you position yourself in the bed? Against the wall? Feotus-position? On one's tummy?
How about in relation to your partner, if existent and present? Towards the partner? If situationally dependant, how so?

Does resting your leg on top of your partner's hip, waist or thigh give you a sense of power, "ownership" or the sense you're making your partner feeling safe?
Does receiving a resting leg on top of your hip, waist or thigh make you feel safe?

(How) do you signal your wish to be closer to your bed partner, especially if you want to be subtle? Or how do you show your permission for your partner to come closer?

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Bonus questions to men (not Reuben or any other man-like pervs, please) who like to share (if any):

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KILL AN ERECTION IF WHEN YOU WANT TO KEEP IT NONSEXUAL YET YOU ARE SPOONING?! As my capslock might reveal,
this has indeed been an issue for me.

If sleeping next to unfamiliar yet romantic sort of partner, do you have almost irresistable urge to put your leg resting on top of your partner?

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A further question to all in which it applies; Does recent sex with your partner affect your preferences? If it does how so?



I will inquire more peculiar points of interest later on.

[anndelise]

Ok, let's see....
I usually lay on my left side, as it aides digestion/flow, particularly if I've eaten bread or grains for dinner.
If I didn't have bread/grains earlier that day, then I can comfortably sleep on my right side.
Because of my spine issue, I cannot sleep on my back, nor my belly. *sniff, I miss that*

i sleep on the left side of the bed, he sleeps on the right.
I insist on having full access to all parts of my side of the bed...freedom when sleeping. And if I get touched at night, it startles me awake...which is at risk of making me pissy.
Because he snores, I try to get him to face away from me, to reduce it waking me up throughout the night. Doesn't always work, I,m too light of a sleeper.

I don't respond well to having my movement restricted in any way, so when we cuddle, I am on the outside of the spoon, and/or the one with my leg trown over his legs.

Because of one aspect of our relationship, he loves it when his freedom to move is restricted by my leg/arm, and/or the sense of being possessed...as in owned. Which allows me even more freedom, without having to worry about his needs.

I also often reach out at night to touch him, stroke his back or hair. This is for my own needs. He's able to sleep easily, so it doesn't bother him when I do this, in fact, he likes it. But as mentioned, if he does it to me when I,m sleeping, it startles me awake and pisses me off.

As for his erections during cuddling, I don't mind him humping my leg or such a little, as long as his focus is on me, not his penis. It's actually one of the things I've encouraged for this situation, because I'm rarely interested in sex these days. And in this way, we get a bit of win-win. I feel sexually desired by him, without feeling pressured to have sex. And he gets sexual stimulation...without pressuring me to have sex.

I signal to him to come closer by Turning onto my side to face him, and opening up my arm for him to use as a head rest. I signal to him to come closer by tugging on his legs/hips with my leg.

And finally, in this position, he basicaly gets used as a body pillow. My leg resting on him opens up the hips, giving lower back relief from pressure. And my arm over him prevents the rounded shoulder that puts pressure on a couple of nerves that eventually makes the hands go numb. So, using him as a bodypillow helps my laying posture and spine.

I would not say that my 'bed style' is type related, as it seems to be related more to trigger avoidance and healthier body posture. (though some will say the latter is Si related) (please don't make the mistake of thinking all Si valuing types would have that style, as he's Si base and does not have that concern, but, in fact, prefers to be on the receiving end of my bed style)

[Ryan]

Are you sure you're not EIE, Aquagraph?

It is probably type related but I'm not sure if anyone feels like talking about it. I'm not going to lie though, the thought of analyzing porn actresses while they are in the act did cross my mind and it could prove to be a valuable research material (typical LII? ).

[GuavaDrunk]

Interesting thread. Answer cooking.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

i like to lie down with my boyfriend and wrap my leg around his leg and cuddle with him here and there. i like him to be really insecure and conflicted about gay sex then finally give in and just enjoy himself and fall in love with me. "BUT I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN WHEN I'M A MAN MYSELF. IT IS FAGGY AND WEAK." but they do anyway and it drives them insane and they are just like putty in my arms.

if they give in too easily it's like there's no challenge and it makes me not respect them? but if i know they really want it they just need more work or whatever its like oooh. and i purr loudly.

the relationship ideally starts with us just being male friends and stuff. and then he starts to crush on me and really like spending time with me and his friends tease him for it but he can't help himself.

[Aquagraph]

Are you sure you're not EIE, Aquagraph?

It is probably type related but I'm not sure if anyone feels like talking about it. I'm not going to lie though, the thought of analyzing porn actresses while they are in the act did cross my mind and it could prove to be a valuable research material (typical LII? ).

As I am still quite the novice in socionics, why don't you reveal your theory about me being EIE relating to this? But rather post it here, if you may.

Edit: Wait. Is me asking you to do this in another thread just to keep this one tidy, too far from Si PoLR? Just a thought.

[jessica129]

Cuddling annoys me much of the time...I can't fall asleep cuddling and I can only fall asleep in one position. I have to be on my stomach with a pillow over my head.

[Aquagraph]

the relationship ideally starts with us just being male friends and stuff. and then he starts to crush on me and really like spending time with me and his friends tease him for it but he can't help himself.

It's quite cute to see you talk about something so eagerly that you don't mind or notice yourself going offtopic.

[Jenna]

If I'm by myself:
I sleep in fetal position, on either side, but sometimes end up on my back.

With my partner:
Normally rest my head on his chest or right next to him with his arm over me (and in this position sometimes I secretly smell his armpit because it smells super good )
Also, I sleep on the right side of the bed.
I don't put my leg over him haha but when he does, I guess it does make me feel kinda safe.
My boyfriend isn't very good with subtle hints and just prefers open communication. If I want something, I just do it. Like, if I want him to hold me or something, I just put his arms around me.. That way he knows.. He can normally handle it from there

I guess I'll add that I prefer sleeping with someone else, male or female, doesn't matter, as long as they don't mind closeness. Sleeping alone just makes me feel sad and...well, alone lol. If it goes on too long, I'll go cuddle with my mom. Even if she's an insane EIE, at least she will cuddle with me.



As far as getting an erection while spooning.. Don't worry about it. In a position like that you can't really control it, so the girl should understand.
If anything maybe just think about a rotten, slimy vagina of a recently dead girl that has turned black from the decay. That might make it go away.

[Absurd]

[Aquagraph]

If I'm by myself:
I sleep in fetal position, on either side, but sometimes end up on my back.

With my partner:
Normally rest my head on his chest or right next to him with his arm over me (and in this position sometimes I secretly smell his armpit because it smells super good )
Also, I sleep on the right side of the bed.
I don't put my leg over him haha but when he does, I guess it does make me feel kinda safe.

All this sounds so cute, especially:

My boyfriend isn't very good with subtle hints and just prefers open communication. If I want something, I just do it. Like, if I want him to hold me or something, I just put his arms around me.. That way he knows.. He can normally handle it from there

and

Sleeping alone just makes me feel sad and...well, alone lol.

As far as getting an erection while spooning.. Don't worry about it. In a position like that you can't really control it, so the girl should understand.

Yes. And propably it'll still be awkward.

If anything maybe just think about a rotten, slimy vagina of a recently dead girl that has turned black from the decay. That might make it go away.

I have tried thinking something along those lines on many occasions. It has never worked.

[...]I can only fall asleep in one position. I have to be on my stomach with a pillow over my head.

Hah! interesting.

[Ryan]

As I am still quite the novice in socionics, why don't you reveal your theory about me being EIE relating to this? But rather post it here, if you may.

Edit: Wait. Is me asking you to do this in another thread just to keep this one tidy, too far from Si PoLR? Just a thought.

No.

I find EIEs to be the most willing to open an intimate topic in such a devious uncanny way. But that's not the reason I typed you as such. I will take a look at that thread later. I apologize for going off-topic again. I will try to add some of my observations later.

[Jenna]

Hmm, I disagree Ryan, I think SLEs do that too.. Really just Beta I guess.
Thanks for the compliment aqua lol
Share your own preferences!

edited to add: maybe the girl on the receiving end doesn't find it awkward, it could be you over-analyzing it?
But, if you haven't done this, try masturbating before spooning. Might help?

[FDG]

I

So...

How do you position yourself in the bed? Against the wall? Feotus-position? On one's tummy?

I generally sleep in a fetal position towards the left, I think it's mostly for digestion purposes.

How about in relation to your partner, if existent and present? Towards the partner? If situationally dependant, how so?

Same thing, unless we were being close before going to sleep. Supposing a 2-store bed, then it'd be "towards" them.

Does resting your leg on top of your partner's hip, waist or thigh give you a sense of power, "ownership" or the sense you're making your partner feeling safe?
Does receiving a resting leg on top of your hip, waist or thigh make you feel safe?

Resting my leg on top of my partner's hip makes me feel like my partner is feeling safe.
Receiving a resting leg on top of my hip makes me feel like my partner desires me. In fact, it usually happens as a prelude of sex.

(How) do you signal your wish to be closer to your bed partner, especially if you want to be subtle? Or how do you show your permission for your partner to come closer?

I don't really want to be subtle - if I want to be closer, I grab her. I don't think she needs permission to come closer, either.

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KILL AN ERECTION IF WHEN YOU WANT TO KEEP IT NONSEXUAL YET YOU ARE SPOONING?! As my capslock might reveal,
this has indeed been an issue for me.

Impossible, I ask the girl to give me an handjob if it's an option, otherwise I go to the bathroom and masturbate. I assume there are physical reasons as to why sex cannot occur (i.e. period and the like).

If sleeping next to unfamiliar yet romantic sort of partner, do you have almost irresistable urge to put your leg resting on top of your partner?

No, never, if I sleep next to a woman that might be a romantic partner but whose relationship with me is unclear, I will sleep fondly and not really care about it - she'd have to make the first move in that situation.

A further question to all in which it applies; Does recent sex with your partner affect your preferences? If it does how so?

I prefer to cuddle for a while after sex - idk, 15-20 minutes. Then we can go back to our favored and favorite sleeping poses.

[Absurd]

Sleep on my back like 99% of time. 1% is completely different positions, I blame the alcohol. Once woke up with my clothes on and knees on ground, torso in bed, like I was praying or something...

[Slacker]

On my stomach, husband to my left, snuggled a bit to him for some period of time but then as I start to drift off I move away. If there's spooning or legs on people or anything like that going on, there will almost certainly be sex. That isn't non-sexual here.

[DirectorAbbie]

I sleep on my side. I usually start on my right. If that gets uncomfortable, I turn over. Or I may just turn the pillow over. I have one for my head, a thin one to place under curves, and a thick one to hold. I used to have a big fat cube-shaped pillow that I would either snuggle into or place my back against, but I decided it took up too much room on my bed and I moved it. Since I was a kid, I have been comfortable having my legs in a P formation, but since then I have also begun to straighten them both or curl them both.

[Aquagraph]

Share your own preferences!

Well...

I like sleeping sideways and with someone. If the girl is new to me and somewhat awake, I'd rather have her facing me. I like to look into people's eyes in the dark, especially when intimately close. Pupils dilate and all you can see well is the glimpse. Resting leg on her gives me a sense of power, ownership AND the sense I'm keeping her safe from the cold, cold world, even if just tonight. And I have a huge urge to do it. Feels wrong not to.

If the girl is new, I watch signals and react. If neutral or acceptive, I tend to get closer and maybe give a light innocent touch, as suggesting us to compare our hand sizes (good excuse since my hand is usually huge compared to her hand) or lightly surfing her back up and down with the tip of my fingernail in a way that might make give her some kind of tingling sensation. If I feel safe enough to get close enough, I observe the heaviness of her breathing. I might start talking to her and being playful and silly to see how she reacts. Humour is a good sign of relief.

After sex, I rest on my back, looking in the upwards in the emptiness, smoking a cigarette and, if ideal, the girl rests her head against my bicep and slightly surfs with her finger against the middle of my chest, looking at me. I don't really like cuddling after sex, I get easily "suffocated", but if the woman is dear and familiar to me, I'll be real playful and silly, just might start a pillow fight, start sniffing her ear in a tickling manner or the like. I feel like I don't have to wear the mask of a man, but rather I'd release the child within.

GOD I MISS MY EX

edited to add: maybe the girl on the receiving end doesn't find it awkward, it could be you over-analyzing it?
But, if you haven't done this, try masturbating before spooning. Might help?

That's the best I can think, though it's quite suspicious to ecuse myself to bathroom for 20 minutes (especially if she knows that nothing else rarely takes me longer than 5 minutes in the men's room) and return with fresh scent of sweat and pheromones, smiling a bit too happily and rested.

Impossible, I ask the girl to give me an handjob if it's an option, otherwise I go to the bathroom and masturbate. I assume there are physical reasons as to why sex cannot occur (i.e. period and the like).

IT'S NOT THAT EASY TO HAVE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION! No, not a physical reason. I just like to sleep besides people who might not think of me in that way or whom I don't want to have experience any part of my sexuality. Not that I wouldn't like to fuck 'em, but if the feeling might not be mutual, I'd rather be on the safe side.

No, never, if I sleep next to a woman that might be a romantic partner but whose relationship with me is unclear, I will sleep fondly and not really care about it - she'd have to make the first move in that situation.

I have real trouble falling asleep next to attractive women unless I'm highly content with my VERY RECENT sex life. I envy thou.

[Aquagraph]

Sleep on my back like 99% of time. 1% is completely different positions, I blame the alcohol. Once woke up with my clothes on and knees on ground, torso in bed, like I was praying or something...

You can also do yoga

[DirectorAbbie]

Salambhasana and Ananda Balasana look the most comfortable for sleeping. I like to sit in Malasana.

[Slacker]

OK so I'm confused. My understanding of the term "erectile dysfunction" is that you are unable to get an erection, however that does not seem to be how it's being used here. If you had erectile dysfunction, it seems like this problem wouldn't exist. Or else I don't understand the problem or something.

[Aquagraph]

OK so I'm confused. My understanding of the term "erectile dysfunction" is that you are unable to get an erection, however that does not seem to be how it's being used here. If you had erectile dysfunction, it seems like this problem wouldn't exist. Or else I don't understand the problem or something.

Oh I was just 'pretending' to get on the defensive. Very shitty excuse of a joke on my part.

Shitty, spontaneous, random humour = basis for a theory of ILE typing?

[Slacker]

Ok, thank you for explaining!

[FDG]

After sex, I rest on my back, looking in the upwards in the emptiness, smoking a cigarette and, if ideal, the girl rests her head against my bicep and slightly surfs with her finger against the middle of my chest, looking at me. I don't really like cuddling after sex, I get easily "suffocated", but if the woman is dear and familiar to me, I'll be real playful and silly, just might start a pillow fight, start sniffing her ear in a tickling manner or the like. I feel like I don't have to wear the mask of a man, but rather I'd release the child within.

Wait, then perhaps I don't know what cuddling means. Cuddling for me = her resting her head on my arms-chest-shoulders, with the occasional kiss.

That's the best I can think, though it's quite suspicious to ecuse myself to bathroom for 20 minutes (especially if she knows that nothing else rarely takes me longer than 5 minutes in the men's room) and return with fresh scent of sweat and pheromones, smiling a bit too happily and rested.

LMAO 20 minutes?? C'mon man, train that grip!! 5 minutes should be enough

IT'S NOT THAT EASY TO HAVE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION! No, not a physical reason. I just like to sleep besides people who might not think of me in that way or whom I don't want to have experience any part of my sexuality. Not that I wouldn't like to fuck 'em, but if the feeling might not be mutual, I'd rather be on the safe side.

I have real trouble falling asleep next to attractive women unless I'm highly content with my VERY RECENT sex life. I envy thou.

Well, usually if I know I'm likely to sleep next to a woman I find attractive (and I'm single), I'll try to make a move on her much before we reach the bedroom.
I don't mean to say this kind of approach works all the time. I remember how once a girl (a high school classmate) kind of rejected me when I made a move on the dancefloor. Thus, I thought "well, screw it, I'll sleep fondly and have a nice bike ride tomorrow morning when I get back home". Then during the night she came over half naked (more naked than half), woke me up, and I told her something like "WTF ARE YOU DOING I NEED TO WAKE UP EARLY TOMORROW". Needless to say, we didn't interact much for the remaning time we shared a classroom...

[Aquagraph]

Cuddling sounds stronger somehow. Not sure whether I was clear. I meant that IF the woman is dear to me, I can cuddle and be playful. If not, it's just mostly an occasional kiss at most, resting on my bicep and so. And sometimes after sex, it's just me and my Xbox spending some quality time. The bitch can get a cab.



...If I hadn't added this sentence, would you have realized that I'm just making myself sound worse than I am? I'm curious, cos i have a tendency to over- and underestimate people's understanding.

Well, usually if I know I'm likely to sleep next to a woman I find attractive (and I'm single), I'll try to make a move on her much before we reach the bedroom.
I don't mean to say this kind of approach works all the time. I remember how once a girl (a high school classmate) kind of rejected me when I made a move on the dancefloor. Thus, I thought "well, screw it, I'll sleep fondly and have a nice bike ride tomorrow morning when I get back home". Then during the night she came over half naked (more naked than half), woke me up, and I told her something like "WTF ARE YOU DOING I NEED TO WAKE UP EARLY TOMORROW". Needless to say, we didn't interact much for the remaning time we shared a classroom...

Was this wise?

[Minde]

I'm interested in bed behavior -with or without company- and would like to hear about your experiences, analysis and possible type connections - and don't just say that it is not type-related or you'll just reveal you're boredom as a human being. Instead I'd like to hear about some kind of theory, even if based on preposterous assumptions, stereotypes, vague intuition or the like. Of course, I'm just interested to hear all kinds of experience not related to socionics.

So...

How do you position yourself in the bed? Against the wall? Feotus-position? On one's tummy?
How about in relation to your partner, if existent and present? Towards the partner? If situationally dependant, how so?

Does resting your leg on top of your partner's hip, waist or thigh give you a sense of power, "ownership" or the sense you're making your partner feeling safe?
Does receiving a resting leg on top of your hip, waist or thigh make you feel safe?

(How) do you signal your wish to be closer to your bed partner, especially if you want to be subtle? Or how do you show your permission for your partner to come closer?

Having not slept with all that many people in close proximity to myself, my answers are probably a bit limited. I actually don't really think too much about where my body is or how it's positioned, even when wide awake, so this is kind of a difficult question in general.

I most often find myself sleeping on my side or to one side, slightly curled. Towards or away from the wall, doesn't matter - probably because I've slept in a variety of spaces. In my own bed I have a giant pile of blankets, so their accumulated edges push me toward the center.

Sometimes I like to cuddle a small pillow (or, if I'm cold, a hot water bottle) to my chest/stomach, curled up around it. I also like the feeling of blankets wrapping around me. If I'm feeling sad or insecure I'll wrap them a bit tighter and pile them on higher.

That's all I have for now; maybe more later.

[Jenna]

Wait, are you lesbian?

[jessica129]

For some reason i stop breathing if I sleep in any position other than on my stomach. If I sleep on my side, I wake up gasping for air...same with on my back. I don't know why. But ugh, I dunno... I can't ever sleep well with someone else in the bed. It has to be completely silent and dark and they usually disrupt me and keep me up all the time and most people snore...some hugs and kisses after sex are nice but then it's like get away from me please.

[Roro]

How do you position yourself in the bed?

I sleep on my left side almost entirely, usually in fetal position.

How about in relation to your partner, if existent and present? Towards the partner? If situationally dependant, how so?

I don't really care to be fully embraced while trying to sleep. I don't mind a little bit of touching, but chances are I will have moved away towards my own side of the bed before waking in the morning. It's rare that I fall asleep in somebody's arms and wake up the same way.

Also, I prefer to sleep with my back towards my partner most of the time.

Does resting your leg on top of your partner's hip, waist or thigh give you a sense of power, "ownership" or the sense you're making your partner feeling safe?

No.

Does receiving a resting leg on top of your hip, waist or thigh make you feel safe?

No, and I don't really care to have anybody resting their leg on me.

(How) do you signal your wish to be closer to your bed partner, especially if you want to be subtle? Or how do you show your permission for your partner to come closer?

I move myself closer to them, and that should pretty much give them the idea.

Does recent sex with your partner affect your preferences? If it does how so?

Eh. Sometimes cuddling is nice, other times I would rather just turn on the TV or get dressed and go out or something.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

infps are really cute, and nothing is more erotic to me then a guy trying to be trolling/bad-ass punky but he really has a good heart underneathe it all. oh wait. women like the same thing. i guess it's just universally hot.

although i know the difference between real sociopath and sociopath that's trying to cover up his sensitive weak fag sides. DON'T THINK YOU CAN FOOL ME. =p

*hugs*

[Aquagraph]

'Recent sex' meaning sex before bed time.

So what? Erections while cuddling don't bother me whatsoever. It usually means they're happy & relaxed. It never kills the mood & if it turns sexual, who cares.

As if it were that simple. Look, I sleep with a lot hippieminded people as well, they might just want someone to sleep with.
I belive that most of us don't want to admit the truth; we are fucking sexual creatures.

Yet it is interesting how people keep telling it's not that bad. Maybe I overreact.

[Pescadores]

I don't sleep much, I fell asleep regularlry on my back, and wake up on pretty twisted poses, on my knees, with my head on the feet-side, my foots on the floor, whatever.

In relationship's usually I'm the hugging-one, just like now.
But my LIE Bf sleeps like a vampire on his back, moveless, and I'm unspeakably grateful for that, because he's like 225pounds,
and I don't wanna die yet.

[Absurd]

I'll pretend I didn't read that.

[jessica129]

Well, If it's your significant other it's not bad, but I can see how it would be awkward if it were your friend.

This is why I've always felt that it's difficult for males & females to be strictly friends, cuddle buddies, ect. especially seeing as males are so easily aroused.

I'm really curious how many people have friends they cuddle with and do nothing sexual with because it's really odd to me. I don't get it. I'd never, ever cuddle with someone I didn't plan on having sex with. To me, cuddling = sex. My roommate (who is a girl) asks me if I want to cuddle with her all the time and I keep thinking to myself 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I don't want to have sex with you!! *uncomfortable feelings, ahh*' But I guess it's sort of a normal thing because she has her girlfriends over all the time and they sleep in the same bed together....unless they're secretly actually having sex and in which case, this would all make a lot more sense to me.

[FDG]

I'm really curious how many people have friends they cuddle with and do nothing sexual with because it's really odd to me. I don't get it. I'd never, ever cuddle with someone I didn't plan on having sex with.

Yeah me either. At least, it definitely hasn't happened yet.

[Aquagraph]

The erection doesn't usually worry me after the first time having sex with the person in question. Hippies just sometimes might wanna sleep with someone nonsexually. That's rarely what I only want. Unless I'm totally in love with someone. In this case the erection is usually bothersome.

[Slacker]

I once dated a guy who slept motionless on his back like a vampire and hated being touched when he slept. I think he was Beta though, not LIE. Maybe EIE - haven't really put a ton of thought into his type.

[DirectorAbbie]

I snuggled with a 7-year-old girl once. It was cold outside.

[Lotus]

How do you position yourself in the bed? Against the wall? Feotus-position? On one's tummy?
How about in relation to your partner, if existent and present? Towards the partner? If situationally dependant, how so?

Does resting your leg on top of your partner's hip, waist or thigh give you a sense of power, "ownership" or the sense you're making your partner feeling safe?
Does receiving a resting leg on top of your hip, waist or thigh make you feel safe?

(How) do you signal your wish to be closer to your bed partner, especially if you want to be subtle? Or how do you show your permission for your partner to come closer?

/
i sleep on mY side, facing awaY from the other side of the bed. i can't sleep on the side facing mY s/o. i definitelY feel safe cuddling with his arms around me. i'm not alwaYs in the mood to after sex though. i just like to kiss and smile and let him look at mY bodY while i smoke a cigarette. i can sleep with him wrapped around me but onlY if we're both on our sides and i'm the one on the inside. otherwise i can't get comfortable. sometimes while i'm still awake, on mY back, i'll watch him drift off to sleep leaning on mY breasts. i don't move because it's so cute.

[InvisibleJim]

ENFps give you terrible bruising. I wish they would just sleep without savaging you like they want to give you internal bleeding.