Instinct stackings: sx-last

[redbaron]

are there easy ways to tell if someone is sx-last?

[redbaron]

They will probably have a conspicuous need for "space", whether things are going poorly or well.

yeah. interesting. you're sx-last! I know another 9w1 (SEI) who is sx-last and I'm thinking that this SLE I know who is 7w8 is also probably sx-last but I can't tell for sure. I think he does need space, regardless of how things are going. I know he got married later in life (well, if you consider 33 later) and seems to know everyone in our social circle but it's not exactly clear if he has many really close friends. But then I think that not many men do.

[Satan]

yeah. interesting. you're sx-last! I know another 9w1 (SEI) who is sx-last and I'm thinking that this SLE I know who is 7w8 is also probably sx-last but I can't tell for sure. I think he does need space, regardless of how things are going. I know he got married later in life (well, if you consider 33 later) and seems to know everyone in our social circle but it's not exactly clear if he has many really close friends. But then I think that not many men do.

all girls have close friends

[redbaron]

all girls have close friends

yeah pretty much.

[redbaron]

but I was just thinking about the "needing space" thing and realized that I need space too! Plenty of it. hmmm. And I really don't think I'm sx-last.

[Wynch]

I think with sp/so (less sure about so/sp), people can often feel like you always hold them at arms length, even when in a loving, trusting relationship (I know I have frustrated partners by being "supportively distant" and prone to living in the same space rather than truly sharing).

sp/sx, as I understand it, is conflicted between the need for space and the need for intimacy.

Actually, I can attest to this to a certain extent. Except for me I tend to be socially-oriented. A veritable social butterfly if you will. But I get claustrophobic of intimate space. I struggle to develop close relationships because if people get too close too quickly I start pushing away in a need to protect my intimate space.

BP is also so/sp and he's expressed similar sentiments. We call it Scorched Earth policy. Social Social Social - INTIMATE!!! - Nuke everything.

[redbaron]

I think with sp/so (less sure about so/sp), people can often feel like you always hold them at arms length, even when in a loving, trusting relationship (I know I have frustrated partners by being "supportively distant" and prone to living in the same space rather than truly sharing).

sp/sx, as I understand it, is conflicted between the need for space and the need for intimacy.

that is for sure true about me.

Hmmm. well, the SEI 9 I know holds everyone at arm's length, just as you describe. But the SLE 7 does not. Yet I feel like he's very in tune with his social standing and concerned about that. Maybe he's so/sx... he does seem to revel in intensity and intense experiences.

[strrrng]

So do you think that needing to feel thrills in life and have intense experiences is a manifestation of the sx-instinct? Can you give examples of ways it manifests in other realms?

I do think there's an aspect of sx that lends itself more to "intense" experiences than other instincts would, but it's not a general trend I like to note often, due to its connotations.

Like... when someone thinks they're sx because of how grr intense they are and need all this intimacy and novelty... they probably aren't. Although, such drives will usually make sense in the context of a real sx person without them needing to demonstrate much.

So... a drive for 'intimacy' in general basically means that the individual is searching for something outside of themselves to fully connect with. Activities are done with this in mind, so it could be as simple as becoming intensively entrenched in a book for hours, to an intimate encounter with another individual. I mean, most people with a spine seek intensity and new experiences; it's more about the energy and fixation behind it with sx'ers (feeling of transience, establishment of singular connection to escape this).

[The Exception]

I'm pretty sure I'm sx last. Intimate relationships never have played a pivotal role in my life. I tend to think the whole marriage thing is overrated. Sex too for that matter but I know the sx instinct is not just about sex. I'm torn between the sp/so and the so/sp stackings for myself.

[Lotus]

are there easy ways to tell if someone is sx-last?

I PMed the admin of an enneagram forum (http://typewatch.net/) a video of myself once without telling him it was me. He replied with the type he thought I was and also described some things that he thought were instinct related:

“The eyes remind me of this person in the list...7w6 sx/sp Kate Moss...so sx/sp wouldn't surprise me. The eyes communicate a lot of emotion...so the sx is up there. Another thing I notice is the person is protruding forward. The stronger the sx...the more the person "jumps out" of the reserved posture you see in sx-lasts...face close to the camera...or using the arm as a swivel...etc. sx/sps are the most direct in this sense...sx/sos are more diffuse and crazed...less of a solemn looking straight at just you vibe. Maybe sp/sx with strong sx second...sp/sxs are more chill though.”

I don't know how valid it is, but he contrasts sx-first to sx-last a bit, so maybe it can help you?


edit:

So... a drive for 'intimacy' in general basically means that the individual is searching for something outside of themselves to fully connect with. Activities are done with this in mind, so it could be as simple as becoming intensively entrenched in a book for hours, to an intimate encounter with another individual. I mean, most people with a spine seek intensity and new experiences; it's more about the energy and fixation behind it with sx'ers (feeling of transience, establishment of singular connection to escape this).

This is good too.

[Froody Blue Gem]

With sx-lasts, I would say if it's hard to get to that point of deep connection and they are clearly awkward with that, and don't get past guardedness. With sp firsts not showing intense emotions outwardly. Not very good at conversation when it goes into the getting-to-know-you stuff, especially with sp/so. With so/sp, there may be a group orientedness but a pushing away when trying to get to that deeper level.

I actually am an sx last... There was one sx-dom who described sx last in an sp/so sno matter how many times you talk to an sp/so, the feeling of distance never leaves. I personally wasn't entirely conscious of this until it was pointed out, and it may appear that way to an extreme sx-dom. It's hard for us sx-blinds to know what's missing from us variant wise unless someone with an opposite blindspot, or is extreme in our blindspot points it.

[maniac]

yea if someone feels like they have no "sex appeal" to them they're usually sx last. its pretty basic. unfortunately everyone's confused about the sexual instinct because of certain enneagram teachers who have tried to remake the sx instinct to "intimacy instinct"

[Averroes]

Lack of hoes

[persimmonism]

Lack of hoes

Actually the fuckboi stereotype is very SX-last.

[Averroes]

Actually the fuckboi stereotype is very SX-last.

seems more sx-second. Sx-lasts aren’t charming enough on a one on one level to hook anyone

[Averroes]

Sx last trait: I spend a lot of time thinking about whether it’s socially or relationally appropriate to reach out/send feelers or approach someone that I like instead of just doing it. I have all of these rules in my head that are routinely broken by Sx types who can just follow their whims and vibe with whoever they want as long as they're receptive

[Aquamarine]

Sx last trait: I spend a lot of time thinking about whether it’s socially or relationally appropriate to reach out/send feelers or approach someone that I like instead of just doing it. I have all of these rules in my head that are routinely broken by Sx types who can just follow their whims and vibe with whoever they want as long as they're receptive

Don't take this the wrong way but I notice you seem to attribute traits that you have to being sx last/ because you think you're sx last. Not everything is enneagram. There are so many other factors that go into why people act the way they do.