Considering that you're frequently in the 350-400 posts per week range here on the forum, it would be a significant impact here. you spend a lot of time telling people what their types and discussing such with others.
Considering that you're frequently in the 350-400 posts per week range here on the forum, it would be a significant impact here. you spend a lot of time telling people what their types and discussing such with others.
Posts I wrote in the past contain less nuance.
If you're in this forum to learn something, be careful. Lots of misplaced toxicity.
~an extraverted consciousness is unable to believe in invisible forces.
~a certain mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.
Well that's probably another reason you were more accurate on their types. You typed me and my sister by PM. . .that doesn't change things. . .and you did so by pure VI, absolutely refusing to acknowledge any character traits that went against your typing.Originally Posted by Maritsa33
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Honestly? I wouldn't stand for that. I'm sorry you have to deal with that but he is NOT WORTH YOUR TIME ... and it's not because of him being an SLI, it's because of him. He sounds immature and selfish to me. In my opinion you need to tell him he needs to buck up or it's over.
I have an SLI (lol "have") and he is absolutely amazing. I've never seen him flirting with other girls, and he didn't even flirt with me until we became close friends and confirmed we both liked each other. He's the sweetest guy I know and would do ANYTHING to make me happy. I believe this is because of his maturity level, both religious and mental.
The only qualms with the relationship are that he isn't very emotionally supportive. He tries, but I'm not sure he can gauge how bad I feel.
I knew we would find each other here. I saw it like I planted a seed and you found me.
You're a sweet ENFp and it's so great having you as a mirror.
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
I think you're right about this. As I recognize more SLIs out in the wide world, I have realized that not all SLIs are frat boys and many are much more mature and better suited to me. In several cases now that i've seen, being raised with some religious values does impact on this, ime.
But this really makes me wonder whether you really have duality with this guy. I did not feel this way at all with the SLI i knew. I could recognize when he knew i felt hurt, or excited or sad, or disappointed, and i didn't really need any further emotionality from him or any sort of verbal expression to know that. In fact anything more would have disturbed the silent communication we had going between us and how special it was knowing no-one else knew what we were communicating to each other. And we weren't even that close.The only qualms with the relationship are that he isn't very emotionally supportive. He tries, but I'm not sure he can gauge how bad I feel.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Takes time to get in tune. He's also young (assuming he's Cbelle's age). I am appalled by how obtuse I was to my girlfriends when young. Just so clueless and unaware. Hope I'm better now. I wish Cbelle well, but she had better not expect much emotional support. She should demand respect, chivalry, kindness, intellect, and humor from her ISTp, but not empathy. The duality is that the ENFp can forgive us.
Now, having said that, Cbelle, don't accept anything but an awesome guy, Socionics isn't foolproof.
ISTp
SLI
Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.
What constitutes a high religious maturity level?
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
lol the way i understood it, she meant high religious level and maturity level (separately)
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
And what's a high religious level?
"I have a high religious level."
"Hmm... you mean like diabetes?"
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
I'm not saying he can't tell when I'm unhappy or not feeling well. When he realizes this he tries the best he can to make me feel better. It's only that I don't think he understands HOW to help someone feel better, other than "I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help?" Also, most of our emotional conversations happen via text (we're in the beginning stages of a relationship and aren't even official yet), which means I don't get physical support. In the rare occasion we're with each other, he'll sit next to me until I feel better, but he doesn't try to talk to me about it.
He grew up in a household of many boys so I think that may have something to do with it. Also his sisters are pretty tough.
Maturity in his faith, I meant.
And no we're not Mormon.
LOL!!
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
I really am not sure what you mean; I got the feeling that SLIs are very empathetic, they just aren't great at showing it.
Oh and i totally agree with your last statement, Cyrano, regardless of whether Cbelle and her guy are duals (I still think they are not, I am not totally convinced you're ENFp, Cbelle.). You two seem like you get along really well and that's rare. As you can see even duals dont always get along for reasons other than duality.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Yes. I think you're right.
ISTp
SLI
Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.
in my experience sli's are NOT empathetic in the sense that they will hold your hand and offer you their shoulder to cry on but deep deep down they really do care. it's just buried deep down and it isn't even obvious to them much less to those around them. when you cry, you cry alone with an sli. that's my experience of it anyway.
sli's are loyal on the whole. it must be hard trying to sort things out long distance. i don't envy you. i'm going to assume that you are just like me and advise you accordingly.How long have you SLIs been with your duals? How many serious relationships have you had? How comfortable are SLIs with cheating and not saying anything? Do they keep their promises of fidelity?
my sli and i have been quarreling. We've been on and off since as long as i can remember. we're not off right now, but we're in a long distance relationship and things are really taking a toll. as if being in a relationship a million miles away isn't hard enough, he's always busy. i know hes not doing work all the time cause his friends live in his house and they're always coming by...and i feel like it wouldnt kill him to make some time for me. thats not where the quarrel came in yet, but i think thats the root of the problem. we've talked about it a million times and we agreed that becuase he didnt have enough time for me that he would text once in a while or something else. then we argued about it again and the next time, he told me that i could text him if i missed him too much. then we argued about it again he all he was telling me was that he never asked for this--us...and that i cause unnecessary stress on his life, that his life was 100% with his fraternity. this just made me feel like he didn't want to be with me, but why is he even trying to make it work? afraid to end things?
he travels sometimes to other schools where he can do anything he wants with girls and i wouldnt even know about it. he just doesnt say anything...im not sure if i can believe him when he says nothing happens when my friends will find pictures of girls hugging him and sitting on him at parties. Now, i know it sounds like no big deal, but i just feel betrayed because ive resisted so much temptation here at college. i don't even allow myself to think about other guys, touch them and even flirt! did i put myself here? is flirting and sitting on other guys okay? i wouldnt have a problem with it if he would tell me what i'm allowed to do everything he allows girls to do with him. i just want things to be fair. he tells me listen, girls flirt with me, so deal with it. deal with it?! DEAL WITH IT?! a lot of guys flirt with me too...except i know he can trust that i'll respect him...i think its just so effed up. >
so basically, i dont even know what my sli wants from me. is he just making things work just enough so that i wont leave? i want to be understanding, but i just feel like im not getting anything and having these arguments are getting pointless. if he does not try to find a way to make me happy and actually come through, should i break up with him? i feel really unhappy and even though i love him a lot, i hate him for leaving me lonely and not caring about me or even trying to feign some type of understanding.
any similar experiences? advice?im so confused.
be honest with yourself, even if you wanted to finish it would you really be able to stick with that decision? i doubt it. so the only thing for you to do is find a way out of the problem.
us enfp's can get really whiney when we are depressed, be careful not to let yourself get too whiney with him. it's definately not the way to go to get an sli to care and understand. instead come at it from a different angle. one thing that has worked for me is to take a step back when he says something you perceive as harsh and ask yourself as objectively as you can if there is some truth to what he is saying. you have to mentally disregard his harsh tone and believe me i know it is hard and you may feel like crying at first but don't hold onto that feeling, allow for a calmer more assertive feeling to enter your head. i sometimes have to take a toilet break to calm myself down and sometimes have a quick little cry to get it out and then find i can think a little clearer. i have found i get alot more back when i calmly accept what he is saying. he will be appreciative of your new attitude and will see you in a better light. one reason my sli finished things before was that i couldn't take criticism and would fly off the handle. i know him saying girls flirt with him DEAL WITH IT isn't exactly criticism but it is still a blow to your ego. the sooner your ego dies a death the better, be thankful to him for killing that because your ego if stroked too much will turn you into Bono and you don't want to turn into him now do you? you have to learn to take all his harshness and brutal honesty as a salve for your soul because that is exactly what it is. your soul doesn't want you to be an ego maniac who flips out at some ditzy girl sitting on his lap. and remember he doesn't give a shit about those girls. look how long it has taken him to give a shit about you. do you really think any of them are even important or that he even knows any of their names? he's just young and out having fun which if you love him you should want for him.
although it is good to try to calm yourself down it is probably a good idea to let your feelings out too sometime because it is what is natural and inevitable so don't beat yourself up too much if you aren't as cool calm and collected as a T.
i flipped out once when my sli saw this tits and ass girl pass by and he said " oh my fucking god" his jaw nearly hit the floor. i was devastated. i threw a pint glass onto the road and effed and blinded for the whole night. i was like a maniac.
But isn't that what empathy is? Feeling what the other person is feeling? The rest is just going through the motions, showing off in a way.
I do see what you're saying, though. But i wouldn't call that "not empathetic". I would call that "not demonstrative".
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
I could see myself getting jealous about things like that too. I think it might happen more if I'm not 100% sure how he feels about me. But on the other hand i do realize that guys just can't help but notice such things and it's almost involuntary. Probably in particular for a type like SLI with dominant Si. They notice everything, and focus on how it makes them feel physically.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
I would not feel comfortable in a relationship with someone who analyzes or judges my spontaneous (short-term) behavior. Maybe this is more of a universal thing, but just saying.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
thats a useful insight to me, thanks parkster
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
Sure thing.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
yeah i suppose your right. they don't feel what you feel so... no, they have no empathy but they do care about people close to them. i joked with my sli saying that he never shows he cares about me and he said "i do, sure wasn't i giving out to you last night" - to him, pointing out where i was going wrong was the same thing as showing he cares. i've come to realise that it's best to just listen to him, he's usually right. i am retarded. it's about time i knew it.
i saw a film last night called perriere's bounty. the main character is istp and his best friend is enfp. without giving too much away there is a scene where the istp gives the enfp the cold hard facts about her situation and you can see it is obvious he is only telling her because he cares.
here's a link for it:
http://http://quickflicksnow.com/a-z/?type=movie
Last edited by humblepie; 09-16-2010 at 10:43 AM.
yeah but what the hell is a high religious level?
yeah i wasn't sure how he felt at the time and things were really tense at that stage and i was particularly emotional that night for other reasons that were actually pretty fucking tragic but i don't want to get into it here.
i'd never carry on like that again though (well i fucking hope not anyway) and to be honest i had a bit of a nerve since i perve at women more than he does. i just don't like the thoughts of him getting excited about someone elses tits. what about my tits? you know? i just wasn't getting any attention and then he giving some other titties attention and leaving my poor titties in the dust, alone and forgotten.
ha ha ha wtf?
NO TITTIES LEFT BEHIND
i like you.
my sli needs to work on his chivalry skills. we had a bet one night, it was a stupid bet about whether or not people would know what a pod of dolphins was cos i was laughing at him for showing off his knowledge of the word like EVERYONE knows what a pod of dolphins is. if he lost he had to do the dishes for a week. first he tried to cheat by mouthing the word over to my sisters boyfriend, he made out then like he'd won and kept it up for two days til i asked the sisters boyfriend and then when defeat was staring him in the face he tried to get it down to doing the dishes only 3 days. he did it ZERO days. he needs to learn to honor his bets like a man of honor. i'll fix his barrow.
ha haNO TITTIES LEFT BEHIND
Humble. He should have won that one, but he should pay up. Let him know that you expect him to follow through just as you would have. Now, tell me, YOU didn't do the dishes for him. Let them sit in the sink until the smell of his dishonor compells him to clense his soul. I know you don't want to make too much of this, but he does have a debt.i like you.
my sli needs to work on his chivalry skills. we had a bet one night, it was a stupid bet about whether or not people would know what a pod of dolphins was cos i was laughing at him for showing off his knowledge of the word like EVERYONE knows what a pod of dolphins is. if he lost he had to do the dishes for a week. first he tried to cheat by mouthing the word over to my sisters boyfriend, he made out then like he'd won and kept it up for two days til i asked the sisters boyfriend and then when defeat was staring him in the face he tried to get it down to doing the dishes only 3 days. he did it ZERO days. he needs to learn to honor his bets like a man of honor. i'll fix his barrow.
ISTp
SLI
Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.
no way, he shouldn't have won. nobody knew a group of dolphins was referred to as a pod. i won the bet fair and square. i did let the dishes pile up but to no avail. fuck it.
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