LIE no-drama drama

[Delilah]

A LIE turned me down once (you didn't hear it from me); I'd just had something happen very unexpectedly and my reaction was, well, natural. I feared he 'smelled' drama, maybe put me in 'drama' cathegory, didn't know him all that well to being with, you get the picture. However, it was a bit extreme, like, completely cut me off. I felt sad over it, but eventually was okay.

Wondered if this was Ni even though initially i'd said to myself (post-socionics) Te. Like, IEE i know writes really long ass emails, goes over and over and edits the text, keeps it for days, and even then and only then might she consider sending it to whoever.

I also wondered if LIE are aware of these quick reactions or is it anything similar to something that happened to me yesterday (well, i'm getting out of topic here)? Thanks.

[hatesyardwork]

A LIE turned me down once (you didn't hear it from me); I'd just had something happen very unexpectedly and my reaction was, well, natural. I feared he 'smelled' drama, maybe put me in 'drama' cathegory, didn't know him all that well to being with, you get the picture. However, it was a bit extreme, like, completely cut me off. I felt sad over it, but eventually was okay.

Wondered if this was Ni even though initially i'd said to myself (post-socionics) Te. Like, IEE i know writes really long ass emails, goes over and over and edits the text, keeps it for days, and even then and only then might she consider sending it to whoever.

I also wondered if LIE are aware of these quick reactions or is it anything similar to something that happened to me yesterday (well, i'm getting out of topic here)? Thanks.

I know I am very touchy........reactionary.

Can't give you a functional explanation as to why that is, probably Ni as I think on it. Doesn't mean an LIE is right or that you were wrong.

You should ask him why, he'll probably be very forthright.

[lemontrees]

Maybe he was... E8

[ashlesha]

i think its not out of the ordinary for Ni types to extrapolate what they see from someone into an overall story about who that person is, like an instance of drama meaning a probable history of drama. i'd connect it to Ni way before i'd connect it to Te. i'm not sure what the solution is unless they're willing to be around you enough to witness that the impression they've drawn is false. if it was important to me i'd probably gamble on throwing down some embarrassing honesty about the situation and what i wanted in hopes they'd care enough to be willing to come around and do so. i think Te types are generally receptive to people throwing it down in a genuine way. i don't know enough about LIEs to say if this is characteristic of them in particular.

[Adam Strange]

A LIE turned me down once (you didn't hear it from me); I'd just had something happen very unexpectedly and my reaction was, well, natural. I feared he 'smelled' drama, maybe put me in 'drama' category, didn't know him all that well to being with, you get the picture. However, it was a bit extreme, like, completely cut me off. I felt sad over it, but eventually was okay.

Wondered if this was Ni even though initially i'd said to myself (post-socionics) Te. Like, IEE i know writes really long ass emails, goes over and over and edits the text, keeps it for days, and even then and only then might she consider sending it to whoever.

I also wondered if LIE are aware of these quick reactions or is it anything similar to something that happened to me yesterday (well, i'm getting out of topic here)? Thanks.

I think LIE's do plan ahead and we do look for signs of trouble, and to me, personally, drama means trouble. The last thing I need is someone adding drama for drama's sake to my life. I like clear-headed solutions and people who keep things real. I don't have any problem with people shouting at me, or liking me a lot, or making passes at me or wanting to kill me with whatever is handy, or experiencing life altering events which would benefit from some major or minor help from me, as long as it is real.

My best friend tried to judo kick me in the head, and I only avoided it because I wasn't as drunk as he was. We're still best friends. He had his reasons. His PhD application was not going well, and I called him an asshole in front of his GF, because he was being an asshole.

My ex called the IRS on me before we were married because she thought I was avoiding taxes (she didn't want to be involved with a crook, but she just didn't understand that what I was doing was 100% legal) and I still married her.

On the other hand, I was sitting in my car with a GF and she said she needed to borrow a car for a day, and I told her mine wasn't available that day, but I could get her a cab. She said, "Maybe I can borrow Beth's car. But she's been angry at me and we haven't talked for two months. Still...." and she got her phone and out of the blue she started crying, tears and weeping, and called Beth and gave her a long story and Beth agreed to let her borrow her car and she hung up and the tears turned off and I thought "This is seriously not good. I think she just dropped the ceramic bowl of our relationship on the stone floor."

LIE's generally look for someone who is open-minded, reliable, emotionally stable and not needy, whom they respect and admire and with whom they can have a deep and meaningful conversation. And also hot sex. Hot sex is very important.

I don't see the word "Drama" anywhere on that list.

[Delilah]

I'm afraid I've lost this one for good. Whatever happened took place at the absolute worst of times as far as those dates developing;he's very sensitive to that sort of stuff, partially to do with his work.

[hatesyardwork]

i'm not sure what the solution is unless they're willing to be around you enough to witness that the impression they've drawn is false. if it was important to me i'd probably gamble on throwing down some embarrassing honesty about the situation and what i wanted in hopes they'd care enough to be willing to come around and do so. i think Te types are generally receptive to people throwing it down in a genuine way.

Agree

Unless there was a betrayal involved, past behavior would be benign if he saw she had "grown". Don't know the issues but if it was overt insecurity, lack of trust and neediness an LIE would recognize growth. Couldn't promise a new budding relationship, but at least communication and a new understanding between us instead of hurt and an open wound. A betrayal I would find unforgivable and irreconcilable with someone I was emotionally invested with.

[Suzaku]

Does an LIE have time for drama? Is your LIE usually busy?

Ain't Nobody Got Time for That

[Delilah]

There was no betrayal.

LIE is extremely busy.

I just didn't know his particular checks and balances and there was no time for mutual checks and balances to develop, because ...time... bad timing.

[blackburry]

Since I do not know the particulars, I can only add in a few observations from my experiences. The LIEs I know do not actually mind drama (they love hearing about it); however, they do not like it when it is positioned towards them. As long as you didn't lash out and try to pull him into a clusterfuck especially after just meeting, I don't see what the big deal would be to just be honest with him about your circumstances.

[Delilah]

well. he cut off. and i retaliated. i know.

[FDG]

I know I can cut people off kind of quickly sometimes, compared to what seems to be socially acceptable.

[Alomoes]

Fancy. So the one thing I can gather from this thread is that you made someone not like you by communicating your thoughts. I have sympathy for your problem.

I assume you also broke some kind of rules of social niceties which would be the cause of this sudden fall out in relations. It might be possible to salvage that through an apology. This is seen by the reference to a so-called "reaction".

I assume you know how to apologize, however in the case you don't, I have written up a short guide on how to do so based on a lecture I had in college. I'll post it if you ask for it, but it is in my words, and I lost the associated packet with all the steps and such, so it is really in my words, which implies a certain quality.

This is all assuming that this is salvageable.

Also try to not fear his reaction. It will make you seem more confident, which is one of the things that make people stand out. I see this because you have stated "I feared". This also means you care, for one reason or another, and that means something.

[Delilah]

*bites tongue and exits thread*

[Alomoes]

Ok doke, just trying to help.

[Delilah]

It's like you're beating a dead horse; By the time I tried to apologize it was too late it had escalated. Something had actually happened that's why i'd been distraught and he happened to get the emotional reaction end of it then a mess of reaction counterreaction and I'd felt it got to the point where it wasn't salvageable and decided against now coming across as desperate to offer an explanation. It was messy and I really fear things ending in messiness and I was hurt it was lost for so little and even the good parts of it were lost in the mess.


Maybe he was ILI...???

[Suzaku]

Umm is he experiencing extreme emotional stress along with the busy? Because this is LIE in this state:

[FDG]

It's like you're beating a dead horse; By the time I tried to apologize it was too late it had escalated. Something had actually happened that's why i'd been distraught and he happened to get the emotional reaction end of it then a mess of reaction counterreaction and I'd felt it got to the point where it wasn't salvageable and decided against now coming across as desperate to offer an explanation.

Maybe try again in 1-2 months, if he doesn't write you beforehand. Just let it sink a bit.

[Delilah]

He just seemed so unpredictable it's like there was no telling what course it'd take after that; maybe he just was not-all-that-into-me

[Suzaku]

He just seemed so unpredictable it's like there was no telling what course it'd take after that; maybe he just was not-all-that-into-me

If he's under extreme emotional stress he could have projected his inner drama on to you, but not have let you known what's going on with him. But I think a lot of human beings are guilty of that Socionics aside. There's two things I can think a real stressed LIE would do - either withdraw or try their hardest to be kind to you, so they feel they are doing good things for other people and not wallowing in their stress, rather they are being productive so that makes them happy.

[Delilah]

Maybe try again in 1-2 months, if he doesn't write you beforehand. Just let it sink a bit.

He pretty much dissected me, FDG, in so many ways, like my heart in his mouth; How might I have kept some distance like what sort of boundary would have worked?

I, of course, denied it all.

[FDG]

Oh okay wel...then i guess it's over :v

to be honest i can only be vicious after a lot of accumulated "wrongdoings", if it was something that has just started i don't get his behavior.

[GuavaDrunk]

Devil's Advocate: do you really want to be around someone who (over?)reacts that badly under stress?

[Delilah]

He'd just had something huge accomplished at work and maybe something like this was a distraction in worrying on keeping the first thing up;

[GuavaDrunk]

He'd just had something huge accomplished at work and maybe something like this was a distraction in worrying on keeping the first thing up;

That doesn't sound like a good reason to dissect you tbh.

[FDG]

He'd just had something huge accomplished at work and maybe something like this was a distraction in worrying on keeping the first thing up;

If I had just accomplished something great I'd probably be much more tolerant towards something external happening, since I'd likely be on a roll about work stuff. If work was going bad instead, then yeah I could imagine reacting badly. But I think this type of reaction goes beyond type.

[Delilah]

Ya FDG, so maybe something else was the matter (and the obvious he wasn't-all-that-into-me still on the table), what is why i asked if LIE aware of this button-pushing or other aspects in a possible relation (like, does he know it's a pretty sharp point but that also has the potential hazard of friendzoning becuase of his constant talk?)

i got extremely emotional, like I don't know how he did it to push all my buttons on having met me so few times only lol, but i can tell you that after he didn't answer my 3rd phone call i was seething in rage and threw my phone. now it sounds silly, been several months.

[Adam Strange]

Ya FDG, so maybe something else was the matter (and the obvious he wasn't-all-that-into-me still on the table), what is why i asked if LIE aware of this button-pushing or other aspects in a possible relation (like, does he know it's a pretty sharp point but that also has the potential hazard of friendzoning becuase of his constant talk?)

i got extremely emotional, like I don't know how he did it to push all my buttons on having met me so few times only lol, but i can tell you that after he didn't answer my 3rd phone call i was seething in rage and threw my phone. now it sounds silly, been several months.

I don't always return phone calls immediately. I mean, I usually try to answer them when they come in and take care of the problem right then, but I sometimes get overloaded and will put off answering a call because it might take more mental resources to deal with it than I have at that moment. This doesn't happen very often, but it happens more often when someone I like wants something that I'm not sure I can provide. (And usually, this involves demands on my time, or what I anticipate will be demands on my time.)

Remember, I said earlier in this thread that "LIE's generally look for someone who is open-minded, reliable, emotionally stable and not needy,", and if you threw your phone because he didn't answer on the third call, he might have sensed a deep need there.

Incidentally, it is possible for me to be very much "into" a person, and still keep them at a distance, because I run on Te, which very much overrules my Fi.

As for him "pushing all your buttons", it sounds like you have encountered some features of yourself of which you might not have previously been aware, specifically relating to the buttons that got pushed. What are those buttons? Why do you have them? Where did they come from, and are you OK with having them?
Getting that emotional, that soon in a relationship, sounds to me like you brought some expectations to the table.

[FDG]

Ya FDG, so maybe something else was the matter (and the obvious he wasn't-all-that-into-me still on the table), what is why i asked if LIE aware of this button-pushing or other aspects in a possible relation (like, does he know it's a pretty sharp point but that also has the potential hazard of friendzoning becuase of his constant talk?)

i got extremely emotional, like I don't know how he did it to push all my buttons on having met me so few times only lol, but i can tell you that after he didn't answer my 3rd phone call i was seething in rage and threw my phone. now it sounds silly, been several months.

As adam just wrote I also sometimes don´t answer phone calls because I know it may be a demand on my time and i´m currently doing something else and want to keep my concentration on that. i may even not answer my dad, girlfriend, boss, ceo, even the pope can wait.

[Delilah]

Ya I had a huge crush, what I hadn't expected and found myself unprepared as it caught me off guard; He doesn't know about the phone.

[FDG]

Ya I had a huge crush, what I hadn't expected and found myself unprepared as it caught me off guard; He doesn't know about the phone.

but if i knew you threw your phone out of frustration because i wasn´t answering your calls and you had a huge crush on me i would be deeply self satisfied, i wouldn´t think you are emotionally unstable

[blackburry]

Idk. Since he did not know your circumstances at the time, he could have maybe just thought you were super dramatic and/or crazy especially if you only met a handful of times. Context is kinda everything... i've written off people for coming on way too strong/demanding/needy simply just because I figured being around the person would only breed more of that. I could've been hugely wrong of course, but the juice did not seem worth the squeeze so to speak.

If it's already been months, maybe move on to someone who you can feel more comfortable and at ease with. Will make a huge difference...it's nice feeling like you dont have to try so hard to be understood... and ya know, someone asking if you are okay instead if cutting contact.

[Alomoes]

What my psychology teacher said to me is that for relationships, you need to make a list of what you want, and what you do not want, and look for someone who can fit that list. I'm pretty sure this person would not fit that list. I'm not saying you should end relations, so what I said above still stands, just be willing to not be romantically involved. I believe I implied that, but I'll just say it and make sure.

Either way, when communicating with others, do be aware that people are weird, and they might do things you might not want them to. The only way to find out though, is to try. Just be prepared for anything.

[Delilah]

Yap, moving on here. I'm personally happy still because of those moments of sizzle, they make life so much better.

[Suzaku]

[FDG]

What my psychology teacher said to me is that for relationships, you need to make a list of what you want, and what you do not want, and look for someone who can fit that list.

And do you agree with this approach?

[Delilah]

but if i knew you threw your phone out of frustration because i wasn´t answering your calls and you had a huge crush on me i would be deeply self satisfied, i wouldn´t think you are emotionally unstable

Back when I had an infrastructure in place I'd let little pieces of information like that leak to the concerned party, but here I lack the infrastructure to do that

[Delilah]

That's right, go ahead and put me in the box it's nice and cozy in here; Go nuts at it and do it again!

[Beautiful sky]

A LIE turned me down once (you didn't hear it from me); I'd just had something happen very unexpectedly and my reaction was, well, natural. I feared he 'smelled' drama, maybe put me in 'drama' cathegory, didn't know him all that well to being with, you get the picture. However, it was a bit extreme, like, completely cut me off. I felt sad over it, but eventually was okay.

Wondered if this was Ni even though initially i'd said to myself (post-socionics) Te. Like, IEE i know writes really long ass emails, goes over and over and edits the text, keeps it for days, and even then and only then might she consider sending it to whoever.

I also wondered if LIE are aware of these quick reactions or is it anything similar to something that happened to me yesterday (well, i'm getting out of topic here)? Thanks.

Don't date ass holes

Everyone has drama, unless you're like not oblivious of the world around you haha. A nice person will love you for who you are.

[Suzaku]

That's right, go ahead and put me in the box it's nice and cozy in here; Go nuts at it and do it again!

Wat? I don't know what you mean. The intention here was to be light hearted given the situation.