Well her problems seem to me like they could be easily solved, but she still doesn't want a solution, and I have learned to step back and just give her what she's looking for. I just think this situation she (ILE) and I have faced is similar to the OP.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
Ugh I hate when people do this. I don't see any point in whining about something and not expecting a response, apart from dumping one's own emotional baggage all over someone else. It's bullshit. Nobody can live your life or feel your pain for you, and by venting and expecting people to just sit there and take it, you alienate them emotionally, because you are similtaneously asking them to care and telling them to do nothing about it. I can't stand this kind of behavior; it makes me wonder if the people doing it have any empathy themselves. Being on the receiving end of this kind of heartless bullshit only makes you feel useless and powerless, like an emotional pack horse. Fuck people who are like that.Originally Posted by Mother Slacker
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
It really depends on how it's done. If you tell someone something, and they seem critical and judging of YOU, it's not actually helpful. It's like someone is saying, "You're wrong as a person, and everyone knows it, here, let me fix you." Whereas something like mune's approach is a lot better, saying, "There's nothing wrong with you, but with certain people you have to take a different approach. . . " One (like mune's sister) is critical of your person, the other (like mune's) is more beneficial for the situation without attacking you personally.
Oh well duh. I dunno I mean I never actually judge people for their problems, I try to be sympathetic, but if people don't want advice then why make like they are asking for it?
I dunno, to me just "venting" about something seems useless, unproductive, and inconsiderate, unless it's something you really just have to get off your chest. Otherwise you are just thoughtlessly being an emotional burden on others.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
idk sometimes i'll vent as a means of finding mY own solutions. saYing them aloud and having occasional feedback helps me realize mYself what i should do about something
maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
go ask the frog what the scorpion knows
I dunno I just don't like being an emotional dart board.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
The thing is, mune was actually giving advice also. It just wasn't in the same format.
Huh? I'm not talking about mune's scenario really. I have no problem with people asking for advice. It's when they expect you to sit there and have you there to talk at that I get pissed.
But, for a certainty, back then,
We loved so many, yet hated so much,
We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...
Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
Whilst our laughter echoed,
Under cerulean skies...
I'm saying that may not be what's going on. Like with SM's daughter. She may not just want to vent. She might be receptive to advice, but in a different form. One that feels less like an attack, and more like someone's on her side solving the problem. kwim?
Pretty much disagree--at least, it's so not that simple. I've been a dumpee plenty of times and it angers me deeply, and I'm sure I've made the mistake of dumping. (When I know I've gone into full-blown dumping mode, I go to a therapist so someone gets paid to listen.)
But Motha Slacka is talking about a child. It is so incredibly important for children to develop a usable vocabulary for their emotions. Letting them feel safe in talking about their feelings, and validating those feelings, allows them to learn this.
LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”
Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”
LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”
I agree with that, and really I think even adults should have someone in their lives they can safely dump to if that's what would feel good. Not to everyone because it isn't appropriate for every relationship, but venting can be healthy.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
of course venting can be healthy, DUH
Just to be clear, I don't think Gilly is describing venting. I think he's describing some kind of interpersonal boundary violation, such as when a parent uses a child by dumping their emotional baggage on the kid. The ventee has to be there voluntarily, not forced to listen even when they are overwhelmed by what they're hearing and the reactions that come up in response, and not used simply because they're a convenient captive repository for another person's negative and painful psychological content.
LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”
Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”
LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”
Yeah that's why I said it has to be appropriate in the relationship, which is why I didn't disagree with Gilly either.
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.-Mark Twain
You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
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