i didn't know what to write, so i kind of just went self-indulgent stream of consciousness. so type away.
i'm inconsistent and reserved and abstract.
i don't like dry cake.
i'm confused a lot of the time.
i put my feet in others' shoes often. sometimes i even put my nose in them.
i look forward when i look back and back when i look forward.
i have a crick in my neck.
i want you and me and everybody to be free existentially.
i want us to know and love ourselves.
i want to be free physically too, but i understand there are laws that cannot be defied.
i've tried and tried.
i'm talking physics, not government.
that shit is wack.
i'll break any law that seems to infringe on my right to experience my life how i'd like to.
i'd like to help you do the same, just for the fun of it.
it might even bring us close.
i like love and friendship.
i frequently put both on hold to be alone for long periods of time.
i often fall far far into myself, caught in a trap.
the self looking at the self is like looking through smoke in a maze of broken mirrors.
i get desperate sometimes.
i hate most people that i've met and that i see doing things. so much is pointless. and frankly just sad.
i don't mind being nice to them most of the time though.
sometimes, i like to provoke people into reconsidering themselves and their positions and their feelings. a lot of times for their sake, sometimes for mine. but it's difficult to accurately measure something like that.
humans are never altruistic for it's own sake. always theirs.
sometimes i'm just in a bad mood and i think someone has it too easy breezy, thinking of nothing so i might try to shake them up.
i like to bring shadows over the light and confuse people so that they might realize nothing is for certain. nothing is how it seems.
everything is dependent on everything else.
it's impossible to really understand anything because you can't understand everything.
learning that is the beginning of knowledge. i think. who can know?
meaning is inherently personal.
large leaps of faith must be taken to communicate anything or to receive a message.
i like psychic connections with people. finishing each other's sentences. clarifications in meaning. dancing with words. loud loud laughter that hurts. always more memories.
i hate how boring people are and how they let their fears stop them in their tracks. go some place.
i'm afraid i'm boring and stupid and hopeless so hole myself up a lot to find "myself".
i try to will my life into existence.
i fail too often and give up too easily.
i like to dance.
i like to listen to music.
sometimes i want to fight just so i might get punched in the face.
i've been punched in the face.
i don't mind hyperbole to make things more interesting.
human memory is too fallible and a lot is already made up whether we know it or not.
what's so bad about doing it consciously?
we're not many of us conscious creatures.
it's a kind of strength.
i need to work out.