Type me via a questionnaire

[akash]

-Hi there. I have done this questionnaire on another forum, but it's dead so I figured I could take advantage of the resources over here since people are getting a lot of posts on their typing threads.

What is beauty? What is love?
My first reaction is to say that I never think about beauty. It's more or less an empty word, and awkward for me to say. I don't think I'd ever use it and feel comfortable saying it. Things that are eye-pleasing to me, though, are smart and clean designs, along with the flat texture, on things like books(also the cold feeling), some websites, user interfaces, logos. This doesn't apply to cars, statues, basically 3D things. Doesn't apply to people unless their clothing makes them appear this way. Both white and black are potent colors for this effect.

Love is something I used to be naive about. My naive definition was replaced by a better, more personal understanding. Love is the feeling that makes you want to always be supportive of somebody and gives you joy in the smallest things that you do together. It also has some negative effects on me, particularly wishful thinking. At one point I let my feelings lead me into researching literal soulmates and twin flames like that. And that, along with my interest as a teenager in mysterious symbolism and secret orders and prophecies and things like that, was one of the only obsessions in my life where rationality has not entered. I couldn't have asked myself if it was true at that point- I just didn't care if it was. I think if I fell in love again, I'd go back to that place all over again.

What are your most important values?
I try to be honorable. I try not to upset the existing social structure. Behind closed doors I don't approve of many of the things in the social structure, and I don't approve of my attitudes, but I just don't find it worthwhile enough to challenge them at this point. In some ways, my internal world and my external world are opposites. So I guess that crosses integrity off the list.

What causes me to break this is when somebody is threatening my ability to act freely. I become as slippery as I can, verbally, physically, mentally, when someone is attempting to put structure on me. Attempts to make me do something I see as needless or unjust or upsetting my ability to be comfortable make me pretty angry internally. Seems pretty generic...hmm. Sorry, I can't think of anything good. I don't hold to many values, I just adjust my actions to my wants.

Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
No, I wasn't raised to be around religion or spirituality in any sense, besides some wishful thinking. If someone attempted to make me believe in god I would sort of instinctively dismiss it. In high school, I got into the intellectual crowd and developed my own arguments for atheism. I argued with my Christian friends, getting them to convert for a while. I have a feeling it was more of a phase for them, because they always chose to believe in god again a few months afterwards. 2 or 3 years ago, I dropped the label atheist and started calling myself an agnostic, which I believe is a more rational position.

Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
In conception, they are a useful tool to keep the justice. But the problem is that some people don't care about justice, and people hijack justice to mean the stupidest things, in my opinion.

Power is just the ability to control/influence. The ability to have ability. Power is soaked into human mindsets all the way through. We're all fighting for all own pieces, some greedier than others. From this view, things like pacifism and charity are no more moral than sadism and greed. What path you take is simply the path that has been selected for you.

What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
Religion. Psychology. Sociology. Philosophy. Communism. End-games of Capitalism. Other economic topics. Why people do the things they do, basically. I think there is definitely a humanistic bent to my interests. It is just what is easy to me, and comes naturally. I can like math, but it takes me longer to understand and if I were to talk about it it would only be to flesh out what is already known but that I don't understand. Purer formal systems are really taxing to me, in the sense that I have to first locate my logic for them. After that...dealing with formal systems is doable, but it's just not a mode I'm usually in, and not something I've gained appreciation for.

I also like videogames, and doing things that I shouldn't for the adrenaline rush.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
Yeah, I'm interested in learning about the body. I am a bit of a hypochondriac. If I even get the passing thought that I have a health problem, I typically worry a lot about it and go straight to the computer to research it. This has a calming effect.

I like hearing/reading experiences of people taking various drugs and learning about them that way.

What do you think of daily chores?
I only do the ones I want to do. I resist doing them for other people unless it's a special circumstance. Sometimes doing them for people as a surprise makes me feel good.


Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I've been reading a Song of Ice and Fire since 2010. About to finish A Feast for Crows now. I like to take it slow. I also liked Dune, Foundation, list 90 more sci fi books here. Science Fiction books are pretty much guaranteed excitement to me. End of Eternity by Asimov is my favorite. Fantasy books less so, even though I appreciate some.

I also like sitting down and puzzling out philosophy. I bought Critique of Pure Reason at age 20, 3 years ago. Not done yet... but every time I think about sitting down and drilling it into my head, I get motivated and do a little at a time. I also like Nietzsche and the existentialists. I bought Myth of Sisyphus at age 16 and found somebody saying exactly what had been echoing in me pretty much all my life. The world is Absurd. When I think about things, I always come to the conclusion that meaning is not knowable, and naturalistic explanations are my backup, for their ease of translation to others. It's complicated, so I won't say anymore than that or I'll be writing an essay's worth.

Kurt Vonnegut is probably the easiest author for me to read at this point in my life. I've gone on a spree and read half of the books he wrote in 3 months. The imagery is insane. I like how sparse the books are on descriptions, because my imagination doesn't like other things to control it

What has made you cry? What has made you smile?
Pent up frustration and anger. Death of my dad,grandpa,etc. Moving, which I do a lot of.
Something clever. Something funny. My random mental jokes and strange behaviors that freak people out. When talking to someone I'm crushing on. Not much else.

Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
Driving on a highway. Silence, freedom, I'm not around people, and they can't easily get me to be around them, and the driving itself is the perfect amount of stimulation. Sometimes I like to go fast

What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
They think I'm arrogant. I don't know that I am. I have good intentions and I try to respond to politeness in kind. But I guess I'm a bit of a know-it-all, which makes them think that. I argue with people a lot, because I love learning and mind-melding with people, but they hate it.
I'm very passive. I don't go out of my way to get things in the world, because I generally just want to be left alone and be in peace.Sometimes I activate, when my curiosity is sparked or someone needs help to understand something, I get very energized. Also the aforementioned resistance to control and the occasional bouts of adrenaline-seeking energize me. Passivity is both a weakness people see in me and that I see in me and dislike.

What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
While they think I'm arrogant, they also think I'm intelligent. I think concepts and situations through: very, very far, and for long periods of time, central questions don't leave my head.
Although I'm passive, when I set out to do something of my own volition, I am very responsible and conscientious about it. School work doesn't count, nor does work for an employer. I have to be at least mildly enthusiastic about the work, and then whether I'm under someone or not doesn't matter.

In what areas of your life would you like help?
Networking. The process of getting hired is a process that makes ZERO sense to me. It makes me frustrated just to think of how illogical and so absolutely false, false, false, the supposed indicators of a good employee are.

I also wouldn't mind someone who isn't arrogant(at least what I consider to be arrogant) to stick around for say... my lifetime? and talk ideas with me.

Ever feel stuck in a rut?If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.

I get stuck in ruts because of my passivity and social fear. My reaction to it is passivity and social fear, only breaking the cycle long enough to do things I need to survive, when needed. It's not depression, I don't think. Just anxiety.

What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
People with sharp minds, decency, and shocking senses of humor.
I dislike people who are too laid back to give a crap, people who are too high strung to see anything beyond themselves, and people who pay too much attention to the rules.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
They aren't big deals to me, sex especially. Romance, on second thought, is kind of a big deal, but I've been burned too many times to expect anything satisfactory. Love and romance and whatever should be simple. But I am good at generating doubts. The doubts overwhelm me, and I don't see reality clearly. So I break relationships off in order to continue my sanity.

Qualities in a partner are generic: someone enthralling to talk to, someone who doesn't lie, someone who supports me. I'm really a simple man if only women could live up to my simple demands


If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I want to make sure they know all of what I know by the time they are in their late teens so they can improve on my life and become even smarter than I was. I want to make sure they are safe and don't do things that will get them killed.

My answers feel so generic, but I'm trying not to lie and embellish too much! I'm too good at making myself look like the type I want to be.

A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
I argue. Of course.
Inwardly: 'Fucking kidding me?

Although it depends on how severe the difference is. I have entertained and seen the validity of a lot of different beliefs. Usually it just comes down to what you value at the time, what is most active in your mind, what is most important in your view. And of course these three things usually change for people a lot. So sometimes I don't argue.

Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
Those people are out there doing their things, making it easy for me to take advantage of them and get by on the least work possible. Nice people(pats head of the symbolic person representing all the little busy worker bees).

Also, those people are stupid and make no sense. They take a really long time to learn things. Some of them are pretentious and pay attention to vacuous crap and call it culture. Hmm, I really don't know if I can think of a good connotation.

How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
See above for the qualities I like in people. I behave more like myself than in formal situations, although I'm a pretty boring person as you can probably tell, and I must wear a persona even around them. It gets to be more work than it is worth. We play games, tell jokes, and help each other out with life issues. We go do things we shouldn't be doing.

How do you behave around strangers?I'm extremely reserved and I try not to draw attention to myself. The situation makes me uncomfortable and I try to withdraw as soon as I can. Sometimes, if I get the right vibe from the person, I'll engage them in discussion and we'll go to my happy place where I understand the world. Or I might learn something new from them. But 9 times out of 10, I just look at them and watch their mouth move, because I really don't give a fuck about what they have to say.

If you need to know anything specific, just ask, I'll be watching this.