SLIs/ISTps and Extraverted feeling Fe PoLR

[jessica129]

I'm finally starting to understand Socionics and have some questions.

I'm curious as to how SLI's Fe Polr manifests itself in real life. How do Fe environments feel to you? Do you actively avoid them? How do you react to those that display it? Why does it make you uncomfortable? Could you provide real life instances in which you found yourself in this environment and how both parties reacted to one another? Is it your main source of stress? What is a dead giveaway that your Polr is being "hit"? How can one differentiate between Fi polr and Fe polr...what are obvious signs? How does an Fe polr come across in real life?

I'm sure this has been done before but I want new answers. I'm also a bit curious about IEE's and their Polr so if you're IEE, feel free to answer the same questions.

[tereg]

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.



And channel that feeling into words.

[tereg]

Or imagine you were dragged to a taping of Oprah, and suddenly this happened.



Channel that emotion into words

[Slacker]

What bothers my husband the most:

Having to sit in a circle and discuss his feelings with people. We have friends who were going to some "couple's getaway" which was supposed to strengthen marriages, and it was mainly sessions where we'd sit in circles and talk about our relationships and how we feel, and as a group we'd all contribute to this event that would help everyone who was a part.

That is the most painful thing in the world to him. He doesn't mind if Fe comes up and it isn't expected of him - like if he hears other people talk about their feelings with each other or something like that. It's just when people try to drag it out of him, particularly in a group setting, and particularly if he's supposed to contribute to the overall feel of the group in his contributions.

He also hates work "team building" events. He really really hates that. He had one a while ago and came home a complete mess after it.

[Slacker]

ROFL tereg - I think my husband would have just left at the pre-Ellen dance thing. He would have at least sat down and tried to ignore it.

[jessica129]

What bothers my husband the most:

Having to sit in a circle and discuss his feelings with people. We have friends who were going to some "couple's getaway" which was supposed to strengthen marriages, and it was mainly sessions where we'd sit in circles and talk about our relationships and how we feel, and as a group we'd all contribute to this event that would help everyone who was a part.

That is the most painful thing in the world to him. He doesn't mind if Fe comes up and it isn't expected of him - like if he hears other people talk about their feelings with each other or something like that. It's just when people try to drag it out of him, particularly in a group setting, and particularly if he's supposed to contribute to the overall feel of the group in his contributions.

He also hates work "team building" events. He really really hates that. He had one a while ago and came home a complete mess after it.

This sounds accurate...I don't think I could endure such a situation. That'd be a highly anxiety-producing event for me. I'd be a mess too. I give him credit for attempting it, I would have ran the other way.

[Creepy-Diana]

.

[Rubicon]

lol @ Fe

[hellothere]

He also hates work "team building" events. He really really hates that. He had one a while ago and came home a complete mess after it.

ah i feel for him... i dread the possibility of "team building"



and that zach guy, what a legend, good on him for sticking through it (however awkwardly) lol

[UDP]

Or imagine you were dragged to a taping of Oprah, and suddenly this happened.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSuGFxqOkPc

Channel that emotion into words

I've built up my Fe tolerance as this seems to happen whenever I walk into a large room or arena type thing.

Because I have Fe role, I just kind of "smile and nod".... it eventually dies out.

But it's still annoying. I have sensitive ears.

[UDP]

To be more serious, for "ME", it's more an inability to control my emotional reactions altogether. If they are positive they are positive, if they are negative I can't hide how I feel. It seems I have to "coach" myself into certain ways of thinking - at times.

Later on (or more recently), I'm learning more about people, so I can just sort of "understand" them, and kind of "not get in the way" of their emotions too much. Just like "yeah, yeah, that's good " or "Yeah... I see" or "Oh,.... yeah". So long as I can convince myself that I'm not pressured in a situation, I'm fine. If I just feel emotionally pressured to be a certain way I get even more ornery.


The Ellen thing wouldn't bother me that much as would probably start dancing. I would dance because I might actually enjoy dancing in that situation, esp sort of having fun with people I was at the event with (which is probably the only reason I'd go - if someone else wanted me to). It's not that threatening to me. You can have fun in those kinds of situations.

Oprah thing would just be annoying. I'd probably make fun of people going OMG OMG OMG. But it wouldn't make me want to kill myself. It's a good opportunity to tease someone.

What bothers me most is when people use "emotional involvement" as a means to figure out if you are "with us" or "against us". I'm going to be against you by default because it feels like I have to lie in order to gain your approval, and that's not cool.

[jessica129]

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKPQbNoP5_s

And channel that feeling into words.

No joke, this clip brightens my day every single time i see it. Thanks for this, haha. That guy is all kinds of awesome.

[meatburger]

Jess i will read your questions in a few days hopefully, but Ti polr to me is very noticable when i try to explain something. If ive learnt something at uni that day i explain it really well but then ask me a week later and i can barely explain it. Could be due to poor memory though? If i actually went back and read the lecture i could flick my eyes over the page and understand it again in about 3 seconds lol. Not sure if other ENFp's experience something similar.

Anyway lets keep it to Fe polr. I cant really think of Polr hitting in this short time but ISTp's are typically pretty stony faced a lot of the time. They laugh and smile plenty but just dont get really expressive.

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKPQbNoP5_s

And channel that feeling into words.

I shouldn't be here i should be studying but dude that was fucken hillarious. How he was kind of slowly clapping , I instantly wanted to buy him a beer. If that happened to me i would feel like puking. I read in a type description once that ENFp's cant really jump up in the air and go YEEEEYYYYY!! very easily. I think thats why ISTp's like us.

[tereg]

Jess i will read your questions in a few days hopefully, but Ti polr to me is very noticable when i try to explain something. If ive learnt something at uni that day i explain it really well but then ask me a week later and i can barely explain it. Could be due to poor memory though? If i actually went back and read the lecture i could flick my eyes over the page and understand it again in about 3 seconds lol. Not sure if other ENFp's experience something similar.

Oh yeah, I definitely do too.

[ann2430]

I know I've used this example before a couple of times, but imagine you were dragged to this and you find yourself in this scenario.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bKPQbNoP5_s

And channel that feeling into words.

Hahahaha, that was seriously so funny that i watched it several times in a row. Thanks for the laugh! :-)

[jessica129]

My favorite is the woman @ 38 seconds...w-t-f. That whole audience gives white people a bad name.

[tereg]

I'll give you another clear example of Fe in action.

Andy Kaufman. Watch these videos.

















Every single one of these were pre-meditated. He knew exactly the reaction he was going to get at all times and he thrived off of getting people to react how he wanted. He was always in complete control of a given situation, no matter how bad of a reaction he'd get. It didn't matter how bad the reaction was, he didn't care, it was his lifeblood.

[tereg]

The Andy Kaufman/Tony Clifton bit is another extension of this idea

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Clifton












Here's Judd Hirsch talking about Andy Kaufman. Notice how he says "The magician part is his act. If you could believe anything he does, he wins."

[Park]

Fe PoLR

[tereg]

Love it.

[munenori2]

This reminds me of a life coaching session run by my best friend. It was the worst thing ever. Don't get me wrong. It seemed very helpful for a lot of the people there to hash out their inner lives in front of an audience, but it just wound up making me feel incredibly vulnerable. There's something about going around in a circle talking about your deepest fears and having an old lady sobbing about how her son cut her out of his life that makes me feel helpless and useless in a gut-wrenching sort of way.

When it was finally done, people were chit chatting and my friend asked me if I was going to stay. I was polite, but inside my head I was thinking a) I need to get out of here stat, and b) after feeling forced to share things I didn't really want to, that I would be perfectly fine never seeing these other people ever again (to date: success). Walking out of there felt like a crab escaping from a room of hammer-wielding starving people. Well, except that the food they were after was the core of my very soul.

[Rubicon]

Well, except that the food they were after was the core of my very soul.

Filthy carnivores!

Are you leaning back towards EII these days?

[munenori2]

Filthy carnivores!

Are you leaning back towards EII these days?

I have no socionics type. Pretty much given up on it really.

[jewels]

that's really terrible to basically put someone on the spot who doesn't want to be! coaching is suppose to be one-on-one and confidential, NOT in front of a crowd. And people who don't mind opening up to strangers should be the only ones up there...I would have really cringed in that situation!!

This reminds me of a life coaching session run by my best friend. It was the worst thing ever. Don't get me wrong. It seemed very helpful for a lot of the people there to hash out their inner lives in front of an audience, but it just wound up making me feel incredibly vulnerable. There's something about going around in a circle talking about your deepest fears and having an old lady sobbing about how her son cut her out of his life that makes me feel helpless and useless in a gut-wrenching sort of way.

When it was finally done, people were chit chatting and my friend asked me if I was going to stay. I was polite, but inside my head I was thinking a) I need to get out of here stat, and b) after feeling forced to share things I didn't really want to, that I would be perfectly fine never seeing these other people ever again (to date: success). Walking out of there felt like a crab escaping from a room of hammer-wielding starving people. Well, except that the food they were after was the core of my very soul.

[Sirena]

that's really terrible to basically put someone on the spot who doesn't want to be! coaching is suppose to be one-on-one and confidential, NOT in front of a crowd. And people who don't mind opening up to strangers should be the only ones up there...I would have really cringed in that situation!!

Yep.

[tereg]

Now, to differentiate that to what I detect as Fi PoLR (and this is by no means the prime example or the only example to illustrate this, this is only one example that I see of it). There will be times when I will hear someone say something to the effect of, "Well, I don't care how you/they feel. That doesn't matter." Now granted, this alone isn't necessarily an Fi PoLR thing, but looking at it from the context of hearing someone argue or make a point and bringing in a person's personal situation or circumstances to build the case. I think that an Fi PoLR would be more apt to be quickly dismissive and simultaneously annoyed/frustrated at the lack of logic or wasting time making unnecessary statements about the nature of a given conversational topic.

So, think of the PoLRs in a directional sense.

Person A makes an "inwardly" focused statement about their own (or their own group) feelings or relative circumstances, and Person B hears it and dismisses that. From Person A's perspective, they are making a statement that is intended to be non-invasive and is not supposed to be directed towards Person B (i.e. "I'm not forcing my views on you, I'm talking about my own situation and my own personal experience", POV) but Person B interprets it as them doing exactly that (i.e. "Well what do you think you're doing by saying I should think about this person's feelings?", POV) It's a cross-up of interpreted directions. This is the Fi PoLR directional conflict.

The Fe PoLR conflict is when you have a situation where Person A makes an "outwardly" focused statement that invades Person B in some way. Person A intends for you to feel comfortable by promoting (in the emotional atmospheric sense) the people in the immediate area to do something together that will in turn make themselves feel comfortable (i.e. "All right, what we're going to do is we're all going to share a little bit about ourselves to strengthen our bonds.", POV), but Person B isn't necessarily comfortable doing that (i.e. "This makes me really uncomfortable doing this, and potentially embarrassing", POV). Again a cross-up of interpreted directions, in this case Fe PoLR.

So, Fi PoLR originates with an "inward" statement (or action), but an "outwardly" focused person interprets the statement as "outwardly" invasive.

Fe PoLR originates with an "outward" statement (or action), but an "inwardly" focused person interprets the statement as "inwardly" invasive.

[munenori2]

Interesting. I'd like to hear more thoughts on that.

[Jarno]

Why does it make you uncomfortable?

Cause it demands me to do things that I'm not comfortable with.

Mostly situations, in which it is obliged you take part into something, with a group. And which has many Fe people in it, since if they weren't there, it would be an Fe thing anyway and we could have just relaxed fun instead of that anoying 'everybody plays its part thing'.

[mikemex]

Collectivists vs individualists.

[Suz]

DeAnte shared an Fe-POLR moment in another thread recently which was hilariously AWESOME, and mentioned he has more examples.


So SLI's I am eager to hear more Fe-POLR stories, so please share!!

[Galen]

Fe-PoLR is hot. I think I find it more interesting than Te creative.

[UDP]

I had a Fe polr moment, sort of, when I spoke about Galen's name in the lounge.

[Suz]

I had a Fe polr moment, sort of, when I spoke about Galen's name in the lounge.

lol no it wasn't Fe-POLR b/c u knew it might come across offensive. And u showed Fi-valuing by asking if it did.

We all know u were kidding!! (I hope. I know i did).

[Cyrano]

lol no it wasn't Fe-POLR b/c u knew it might come across offensive. And u showed Fi-valuing by asking if it did.

We all know u were kidding!! (I hope. I know i did).

I have an ESFj coworker, very creative and fun, but Oh, the ups and downs! She goes off on some customer or co-worker about twice a week. She just hates me, know-it-all, that I am. I do tend to torpedo her fantasy-facts from time to time, but she just makes stuff up. I can forgive mistakes and enjoy the flights of fancy, but then she has to insist she's right and demand her way in a very Fe way. I just can't help but ask her to back up her wild suppositions with a fact from time to time. I don't do it to embarrass her, but if left to her own, she would blow the place up. Once she complained enough to force my boss to have a sit down with us. Her complaint was that I was doing work she felt should be hers, made her feel disrespected. Of course I had no clue that she felt that way, but I'm happy to let her take on all the work she wants. :wink:

[Suz]

Fe-PoLR is hot. I think I find it more interesting than Te creative.

I like both. I have to say I Te, so ILIs, LIEs, LSEs, and SLIs are all appealing! And of course Si. I think with Si it's more that i have intense gratitude for it.

Come on Fe-POLR's dont be shyyyy. . .


(ILI's welcome to contribute too!)

[inabox]

Fe polr is hot, especially because when Fe polrs smile/laugh, it's f**ing dazzling.

[applejacks]

Fe polr is hot, especially because when Fe polrs smile/laugh, it's f**ing dazzling.

Yes, the smile!! When my SLI hubby laughs / smiles, it's like a beam of sunshine straight into my heart. Whenever I want to get a rise out of him, I'll reach my hands toward him and say, "Let's talk about our feelings!" This prompts him to run away. Instantly.

Also, the Andy Kaufman stuff makes me extremely uncomfortable.

[applejacks]

My hubby and I stayed at my parents' a few weeks ago. He was looking extremely handsome that morning, so I amped up my emotional response as a joke with him.

Me: *GASP*
Him: What?
Me: SO HANDSOME!!! LOVE me!!
Him: *runs behind the curtains*


EDIT: This picture should be captioned, "SLI in the presence of Fe"

[epheme]

My hubby and I stayed at my parents' a few weeks ago. He was looking extremely handsome that morning, so I amped up my emotional response as a joke with him.

Me: *GASP*
Him: What?
Me: SO HANDSOME!!! LOVE me!!

Haha, this is like mine and my SLE husband's relationship all the time (except instead of running for the curtains, he run towards me like this ). I seriously think he would be completely confused and hopeless without these constant displays.

[Park]

Fe polr is hot, especially because when Fe polrs smile/laugh, it's f**ing dazzling.