Originally Posted by
Galen
"I really want to take care of my primary instinct, but I can't really get that done until this trivial thing is out of the way, so I'd better tend to that instead. *sigh*"
That's how I feel about sp stuff generally. It's just things I have to do. It's not difficult, and it doesn't cause me stress, it's all just day-to-day minor details that have to be dealt with as a matter of course. Sometimes I really enjoy making a nice meal, or having everything clean and organized and it feels good, but it's not something that I want to have to think about. Being in a relationship with someone who overly focuses on these things has been an influence in wanting to end the relationship before. If someone is more interested in being fed and comfortable than in spending more time with me, it annoys me. It doesn't annoy me in friends, unless it's something like someone being super picky about their food and needing specific things, or making us have to move from place to place until they find their perfect comfort level. I find over-delicacy and focus on creature comforts annoying, sometimes to the point of disgust with the individual for being all Goldilocks like and not just being ok with how things are. Doesn't bother me in strangers or aquaintances, can even be funny, so I guess it only bothers me when it affects me directly. But, I manage money well, have excellent credit, and take care of my basic needs, and don't find any of those things difficult or stressful. I'd rather not schedule dentist appointments and stuff like that, but it's just one of those things that has to be done, so I do it.
As for SO stuff. I hate gossip and it makes me really uncomfortable being in a group of people who are gossiping about someone else. BUT, I'll share things with a close friend, and hear what they have to tell me about other people and that kind of thing that's just between the two of us is different. It doesn't feel like gossip, even though I guess it technically is. I tend to not trust people who share too much about other people with me or others. And even in close friendships you don't betray your other friends imo. I do like the feeling of being a part of something, such as being on a team for sports or some other project where I feel like I'm an important part of the team, but not as much if I'm by myself in that team - as in, if I'm with a bunch of people and don't feel connected to any of them personally, it's really not the same, even if I am playing a key role. I like feeling accepted and included, but it's lonely if there's nobody that takes a direct interest in me. Kind of on a related note, going to a sports game, and being part of the crowd cheering and everything can be fun, and I remember being caught up in the energy of it all and liking that energy. One time I went to a game alone, ran into some casual aquaintances, had fun, got involved in the cheering and everything, but left feeling excessively lonely. There were 10,000 people there and I felt completely isolated and alone, even though I had been in that crowd with all those other people cheering for the same team. Another time I went with just a friend to a game where there was an intense rivalry between the teams, and we ended up somehow sitting in a section of the rival team. So the two of us were cheering for our team by ourselves, and all the other people around us were cheering for the other team, and that was so much a better experience, even being surrounded by hostility my friend was there with me and we had a great time. All I needed was one person with me. I'm told that I seem friendly and that people like me, but I don't feel liked unless someone takes a personal interest in me.
SX stuff: Ideally, I'd like a best friend, or a very close relationship where I know someone very intimately with a special connection that nobody else can breach. Maybe that's something everyone wants? I've sometimes been so persistant in wanting to know everything about someone I was interested in that I've overstepped their boundaries quite a bit. I might talk online here anonymously in vague general details about sex or past experiences, but it's not something I do much of, and absolutely never irl. It's too personal, and for me a sexual relationship with someone is almost. . . sacred I guess. It's between me and the person I'm in, or was in a relationship with, and not for anyone else. I don't dress provocatively, I'm not flirty, and I don't think I really advertise my sexuality that much. I don't find casanovas appealing in the least, and actually avoid men who I find a little too smooth. I'm perfectly happy not being in a relationship, and sometimes prefer it because it allows me to deeply focus on things that interest me, giving me time to master skills or immerse myself in a project. I have no fear of being alone. That's not to say I don't get lonely, or wish that I had someone experiencing something with me, but it certainly doesn't drive my every waking moment or cause me a lot of distress. I've had some extremely painful separations from people to the point where I was taking painkillers to try to dull it, but I've also walked away from relationships with very little distress.
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(as per tcaudilllg)
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