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Last edited by aixelsyd; 08-12-2011 at 06:55 AM.
There is usually strong mutual attraction between myself and EIEs from the get go.
I am not sure if it is either/or so much as it is a product of circumstance. Duals can sometimes go through long periods in which they do not realize, or rather capitalize, on their mutual compatibility. Sometimes it can be so natural that it is ignored or go about unnoticed by the duals. Where one or both of the duals are deemed physically attractive, then the attraction may be picked up quicker. The (more) attractive dual may only begin to find the other partner increasingly more attractive through long-term exposure and growing cognizance of it. And some may just be naturally slow at recognizing their feelings towards a person. Though if the dual is already dating someone, then the compatibility may be ignored or disregarded. So again, I think it is primarily subject to circumstance than anything else.
Johari Box"Alpha Quadra subforum. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious." ~Obi-Wan Kenobi
Yeah, I agree with Logos. The mutual attraction I've experienced is probably more due to SEXUAL DESIRE than duality.
Why did you put sexual desire in pink, dj?
And lest this post be too off-topic, I think I tend to find SLE women attractive, and the attraction is enhanced by those aspects of personality that are generally recognized as part of SLE behavior. Whether that's natural or due to my own confirmation bias remains unseen.
Not a rule, just a trend.
IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.
Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...
I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.
Because pink is a manly color.
k done
I have a friend who I didn't develop feelings for until much (like 10 years) later, and I think the quality of the relationship is FAR better than the duals who I've been wildly attracted to from the beginning. Sometimes I wish I could just shut off my hormones because they really screw things up. There's a mutual friendship, openness, and respect, with no anxiety, mistrust, or clinginess whatsoever. It felt like we were on the same level in pretty much every way. After my ex, you have no idea how amazing that feels. I guess it would be characterized by one day waking up and realizing you're in love with your best friend, while being completely clueless of it up to that point. Hm, now that I think about it I guess it could be the type of relationship that is truly healing for both parties.
But it still didn't become a relationship, for a number of other issues. And now he's dating some chick he met on the internet. (Fuck you e-harmony for messing with the perfection of duality! *shakes fist* lol)
So yeah, I know what you're talking about.
IEE
It's not unusual at all. chemistry isn't related to duality, necessarily. Chemistry is something else.
Duals dwell in two different habitats. Being an introvert, I sleep longer hours and I'm usually up early in the morning and don't really go to bars and clubs and my duals, most, usually are up and out during the weekends while I'm spending quality time with family and such, so I'm more likely to meet ISTp's and ESTp's in the places I hang out.
I've never wanted to seriously date; I just sort of wanted to run into the one, like let it happen naturally, but in a big and busy city as LA, sometimes that can't be left to chance. So I had to start doing things in routine. Like hanging out at the same places every day. I guess eventually, one of my duals will notice that I have the same "interest"; I, being naturally curious about my environment, have a tendency to explore and not keep a routine with where I eat and have my coffee every morning, but having changed that to my dual's waive length, I am enjoying seeing more duals.
A little research about your dual's habitat and common word usage will allow you to meet your duals in the right places and recognize them.
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
I think these thoughts about "duality" and the dynamics of psychological attraction are only temporary, and you'll probably get over the habit of idealizing relationships or anything else at some further point in life. Simply because magical scenarios ain't happening in real life, and nothing ever plays out as imagined; or even if it does, the experience you get out of it is not something you can understand or prepare for/anticipate in advance. So, the less you think about stuff like finding happiness and things falling into place etc, the more chances of it to happen. My 2 cents, anyway.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Last edited by Park; 09-22-2010 at 10:04 PM.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
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Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
So are duals usually drawn to each other at first or do they kind of just pass each other by unnoticed..? Are dual relations easy to start up (and how likely is it that you would want to get to know each other if you weren't forced to interact on a regular basis, such as at work or in school)? Is it true that the extrovert might not realize that the introvert is compatible with them in the beginning because they're looking for someone who is more like themselves and vice versa or can both people recognize the qualities that, according to socionics, they should be drawn to in the other person?
I mean I know every situation is different but, even before I started reading about this stuff, I think I've always been attracted to SLEs... their whole demeanor is just soooo damn attractive... I'm pretty sure a guy I dated recently was SLE and I have never been so turned on/intrigued by a man in my entire life... seemed like the feeling was mutual too (LOL while it lasted), but at the same time both of us were holding back from each other, like neither of us wanted to show any vulnerability and look like the weaker person. I think that's why we aren't dating any more (plus he's a dirty dirty dog... but a really sexy dirty dog ). Anyway what I was trying to get at is that I have always been able to detect the inherent studliness of my duals, not just physically but mentally too and I was wondering if this works on both ends of the spectrum. And if they don't recognize my IEI-esque captivating undeniable allure and girlish charms then that really sucks for them.. seriously though they are soooo so so sexy and I hope they notice me the way I notice them
I don't find ESFj's attractive. Ever. In fact, the only Feelers I can be attracted to are IEEs. Feelers...ewww...
Have you actually interacted closely with what you think were ESE, or is this sort of a theoretical comment.if the former, Neverthesame, looks like you need to either re-examine what you have in mind as ESEs or reconsider your socionics typing of LII.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
well your aren't always attracted to your dual. Before I knew socionics I wasn't aware that I was attracted to my dual. you are right that you if you interact more closely with them you can appreciate them more psychologically. But a lot of people only go for the physical look.
I don't know how common it is to find and easily fit with your dual. Hasn't been common for me personally. Although, there was an EIE at the place I used to work. We got assigned to a project together, and it took no time at all to have a great rapport, and it was a lot of fun working with him. It was not a romantic kind of chemistry, because he was happily married. Instead it was just easy being around him, we got each other, and joked around a lot.
Understanding a person goes a long way, and for long-term stuff, I'd much rather be around someone who understands me and is easy to be around, than someone who drives me crazy with desire, but fails when it comes to being able to communicate or understand each other. However, if someone just doesn't do anything for you, don't expect them to "grow on you" because regardless of how hideous they look, it's probably more than just their looks that is repelling you.
fuck you
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Originally Posted by Gilly
Tbh I was never close to an ESE male (no one I could type anyway), I'm mostly surrounded by SLIs and IEEs. It was more of a theoretical comment as I don't know any ESE males. Only SLI's, LIE's and IEE's are attracted to me, and I'm attracted to them.
The only ESE I know is one of my best friends, but we used to have some issues during our friendship because I wasn't as outgoing as she was and because she thought I was too cold and unfeeling, sometimes.
attraction doesn't really have anything to do with chemistry or personality or stuff like that, women are usually attracted to "the leader of the pack" or the guy with most money ..or has killed the biggest elephant or wild boar depending on where you're from i guess.
i mean, i see lots of dual couples where i live - lots of ESE/LII and SLE/IEI couples for example, but the thing that makes them attracted to eachother isn't really how their personality matches but rather how it would turn out for them on the social ladder depending on if they get together. If they're duals/activation or semi-duals the relationship actually lasts instead of going down in flames after a few months ofc, but attraction is still which guy has a higher standing on the "ladder" compared to other guys and how physically fit the woman is and what rep she's got and so on.
It seems to be different when people get older however, the only opposite gender duals i seem to attract are around 60 or so when the ones in my age go for teh alpha/beta males and so on.
i've spoken to alot of intp's who thought their dual wasn't interested in them but they turned out to be wrong. i was talking to one esfp guy who told me an intp dumped him because she thought she had nothing to offer him. he is still pining after her 3 years later. i had one intp ask if he should end things with his esfp girlfriend. his reason for wanting to end it was that she was too good for him. he knew she loved him but felt he could never make her happy. i told him i'd kick his ass if he did since she'd end up with someone she didn't love in a desperate attempt to forget him and how would that be helping her? it seemed to do the trick, he stayed with her. i'm just wondering if it's possible you could be doing the same thing but are unaware of it. since you don't give things a chance based on first impressions you would have no way of knowing for sure.
what? are you gay aswell? not judging just asking. well i'm enfp so that kinda goes without saying.
anyway, i hope you'll be a bit more confident of yourself in future. it's hard to see why another person would want you sometimes. often times i find i am wanted for reasons i would never have thought of and the things i once thought were things i was admired for i actually wasn't. thinking my Te was hot shit for instance when really i was badly lacking in it.
Chemistry and duality are NOT related. If you think so - you have just run into duals who also happen to be people you have good chemistry with.
There is a 'dual' attraction but it's not chemistry.
IEI, sp/sx 4w3.
If they're not related then you have chemistry between people not even in the same quadra/opposing quadra, at least on this forum. And it is a damn fact, just browse thru it.
My high school physics teacher once told me that me and the girl I sat next to had great chemistry. She was SEE...(a typical representation, I might add). I never "had it" for her, but we had "not boring" conversations. She was one of the few females I could talk to without being reserved. We might have developed a relationship had it not been for the SLE in front of me.
aixelsyd, I am truly curious. How did you confuse conflict/quasi with duality/identity? I am asking in your best interest, do you really think you are SEE? Or do you wish to be SEE?
Well, if you're going through a lot of confusion, I can understand that you would want to feel a part of something. But you shouldn't try to conform to titles, it's unhealthy. It would be better to seek identity in something positive like family, church, volunteer groups or friends.