Quote Originally Posted by ishysquishy
I don't know about you, but my LII friend seems to set himself up for disappointment in relationships. It seems like he expects every relationship to be special and lasting...

Also, he doesn't give people much of a chance. If they don't instantly grab his attention he won't give them the time of day. Once he has formed his opinion of you, it is very hard to change it (even if his opinion is shown to be unjustified).

He never forgets the wrong-doings.
The INTj I know is like that too. She is very idealistic about relationships and friendships. It has to be deep and meaningful, and she doesn't have much time for little things like chit-chat etc. In a proper friendship, such things should be transcended. This means she often neglects stuff other types find important... meaningless small-talk, writing cards, answering e-mails on time, all that... she thinks it's small and stupid stuff and that people who need that are small and stupid. There's a certain risk in that of being seen as arrogant or rude.

She makes very strong, decisive judgments about people. It IS really hard to change her mind about someone. If she were always right this wouldn't be that much of a problem... but she's also capable of jumping to conclusions (e.g. because someone superficialy reminds her of someone else).

And if she disapproves of a person or a thing someone does, she makes no effort to hide that. There's honesty in that. But of course it can also seem rude, or cold, or arrogant. It probably depends on the person. My used-to-be-friend was probably a bit extreme. She wouldn't even confront the person about their behaviour: she'd just show them clearly that she despised them, and then she'd either ignore them or "punish" them with a cynical remark calculated to hit the other person's weak spots.

If you add all those things up, then the outcome is this - she'll sometimes "be rude to" someone "out of the blue, for no apparent reason". That's how it looks like to outsiders, her tendency to judge people and then to ignore them. Her disdain for smalltalk sometimes makes her seem inaccessible, forbidding and aloof, sometimes even arrogant. And since she doesn't sweat the small stuff, she can sometimes do things that seem tactless or inconsiderate or rude. It can be hurtful if she happens to neglect something that would have mattered to you a lot (like someone in your family dies and she forgets to send a card or write an e-mail or ring up).

All this is a shame, because it makes some people totally misjudge her. She isn't "cold and aloof" at all. She's very capable of sincere and genuine friendships. People do matter to her. And her social blunders are just that; they aren't intentional or anything - she's often not even aware of what exactly it is she's doing.